Ending a 4 year relationship, would like advice

[kilobyter]

Hello. I have recently ended a 4 year relationship and I wanted to get some feedback from people, so please go ahead and give it to me.

Me and ____ dated for about four years, we seemed to have a lot of problems in the begining of the relationship but we had been friends for a long time and managed to stick them out. Things got better, much much better and everything was great. Then something bad happened, she went out of town to see some old friends one of whom was an ex. She got drunk and passed out in his bed. She told me about it when she got back before a friend did. I was obviosuly pretty distraught about the situation but admirred her honesty and made the decision I would try and work things out things. Everything was great again until about 1.5 years later (this is about 2.5 years into the relationship) she decided she was not happy with the relationship and we broke up. I was sad, and I tried hard to get her back...sure enough I did, we were only broken up for about 2 weeks and she looked back explaining the breakup as a cry for more attention from me.

Here is where is really gets twisted. When we got back together this first time we took things pretty slowly, she was really weirded out about sex and it was strange..... She said it was because she wanted to just take things slow. I can respect that. After about a month things were better than they had ever been for us and continued this way until about 9 months ago. I found out that when she had broken up with me 1 YEAR prior she had gone out and had sex with some other dude. I even knew the guy slightly. I was obvisouly enraged, she still had been talking to this guy while we were back together, she even told a lie to me during this 1 year period where she went and hung out with him when she said she was hanging out somewhere else. Immediatly I called her a whore and dissmissed her from my life. I was devistated by this, even though technically this isnt cheating I perceived it as disshonest, especially when we had already been friends for years, and had been dating for ~years. Before we got back I had even asked her if she was with anyone else and she told me "no". She spent the next month sending me flowers, showing up at my house crying wrote me letters etc. I caved guys! I got back with her. Some people thought it was stupid others thought it didnt matter since "she was single at the time". Ever since then I have had this HUGE trust issue with her. I couldnt do it anymore and broke it off again a few months later, this time for good. There were many other small lies before this even stuff like her lying about going out and who she was hanging out with etc as well as many problems with us fighting over trivial issues. I do miss her but have convinced myself she simply just is not the right girl and even though it hurts and is hard now......I should be better off in the future with someone who would have a little more respect for me.

So what do you folks think of my reasoning on this one, I kind of feel like I should never have gotten back with her after the 2nd break to begin with. Any feedback is welcome. Cheers.

[LilMoonBunny]

You did the right thing by ending it hun. You both need to grow and learn from this.

[kilobyter]

Thank you for your feedback.

[Kel]

i think you did the best thing that you could possibly do...she needs to grow up and you were right to have a major trust issue with her! who could blame you?! good on you for ending it...even if it was more than once, a lot of people just would have turned a blind eye and tried to convince themself that "she wouldn't do that to me"...you did the right thing, even if you are hurting, you can only get stronger from it

[Only-virgins]

You break up with her and she sleeps with someone already with in two weeks? yea..uhh..she never loved you...sorry... That is cheating. Its a good thing you broke up with her and I feel bad for anyone else who gets with her.