How many past relationships/sexual partners & do you talk about it with your bf/gf?

[honeylou]

Hey guys...

I was just wondering how many of you have talked about how many past relationships/ sexual partners you've had with your bf/gf and have you been honest about this? Should you talk about this or does it just make the other party feel jealous/insecure? How have they reacted? Is there a right time to talk about this?

If someone (your bf) is avoiding answering this question what does it mean? Are they just trying to save you the grief?

Thanks.

[vashti]

I only give out info on a "needs to know" basis. The only portion of my sexual history I consider to be relevant to a future relationship is my virginity status, if I had a problem with remaining faithful, and whether or not I have an STD.

I also don't think it's a good idea to ask too many questions.

[Tiay]

yes, and I was honest... but, then again, he knew before we even met.. and it wouldn't have been hard to guess if you knew my background, so, I guess that doesn't really count.

I don't know how many partners he's had.. I think we talked about it once or twice, but I don't even remember what it was now.. who cares? it doesn't matter.

[Charlie Boy II]

My past girlfriends I've just told them the number, and I like to have an idea of how many guys they've been with before me. But no detail beyond that.

If he's avoiding the question it probably means he's either been with many, many girls or else so few he's embaressed to say.

[gHEXjt]

I never bring this topic up when I'm in a relationship. However, it has always come up. I answer the questions as quickly and honestly as possible, while providing zero detail, and then move on. I really have no interest in hearing about it from the girl. I've always thought of it as, at best I'll be indifferent (it won't make any difference in my life), at worst I'll think she's a whore and it would bother me. I don't feel there's any incentive in asking.

[honeylou]

Thanks you all for your thoughts...

I'm just curious, because I've been going out with my fella for a year and he has never mentioned anything about this (and I have talked about this with previous ex before). I haven't so much as heard him mention anyone he has ever dated (except someone about a decade ago which he told me when we were still just friends, and he told me that was the longest relationship he has had - about 2 years if I remember correctly, but he was about 16)...

It's not a bit issue, but I just don't like the way he avoids telling me without giving me a reason. Shouldn't you want to know your partner well enough if you want to be with him for a long time?

Mmm Charlie, I think you might have a point with the many many..... as he's 27, and I'm younger than him! (I hope not, maybe this is why he isn't telling me......)

[Only-virgins]

Be honest, if asked than answer. If never asked than you can keep it to yourself but if asked and you decide to go the "none of your business" route than it will just make him assume the worst. You'll actually make things worse.

I only give out info on a "needs to know" basis.

Yea, well I will be needy and I will need to know.

at worst I'll think she's a whore and it would bother me.

If your girlfriend is a whore it is SUPPOSED to bother you lol. I personlly don't like the "Ignorance is bliss" route myself...no matter how painful it is I want to know the truth...than I can make the right decision.

[Mish]

I only give out info on a "needs to know" basis. The only portion of my sexual history I consider to be relevant to a future relationship is my virginity status, if I had a problem with remaining faithful, and whether or not I have an STD.

I also don't think it's a good idea to ask too many questions.

So Vash

I was thinking...


How many sexual partners have you had before me? (It's on the "needs to know" basis)

[gHEXjt]

If your girlfriend is a whore it is SUPPOSED to bother you lol. I personlly don't like the "Ignorance is bliss" route myself...no matter how painful it is I want to know the truth...than I can make the right decision.

Agreed, I was simply offering the fact that asking creates a no win situation in that at best, the answer would leave me feeling indifferent. I've never let sexual past hurt my relationships before, though there have been a couple times where it made me feel like shit for a while. I've just found that since I'm not willing to let that cause me to give up what I perceive to be a good thing, than I don't need to find out in the first place.

[alidile]

every guy i've ever been with in any capacity even casually, always wants to know how many people i've slept with, it's quite irritating, but i find guys i haven't even hooked up with, that's one of the first questions they ask me. i honestly don't care because it's not a big deal to me, but my goodness, please guys get over it.
i feel like i'm living in some woody allen movie or something!
maybe it's cos i've had the reputation of the unnatainable for so long, that people want to find out if i ever do let anyone get into my pants, and if so then my goodness, they have to know all about it. but geeze, some people really need to grow up.
basically i'm saying it shouldn't matter if someone actually wants to be in a relationship with you, so feel free to tell all, and if someone gets pissed off about it. TOO BAD

[DoesntMatter]

So Vash

I was thinking...


How many sexual partners have you had before me? (It's on the "needs to know" basis)

Haha! What a smartass

[Gigabitch]

I don't really care about the number, what I care about is whether there's any sense of unfinished business there and if I'll be coming into contact with this person socially.

My boyfriend and I had a pretty uncomfortable conversation last year about this. I told him that it was definitely something I needed to know, if I'm to be chatting with some woman at a cocktail party, if he's slept with her. He didn't really want to tell me, and after our conversation, I knew why.

That guy has ****ed a LOT of his friends, and not all of them are necessarily as attractive as you'd want them to be. He had a party last April and there were at least four women he'd had sex with there. For me, no big deal, as long as I know about it. I know very well that if he wanted to be with any of them, he had ample time to set that up before I ever came along. Seriously, I don't care at all.

But if I EVER find out that he neglected to tell me about sleeping with someone he had invited over to our house, I will ****ing lose it.

I think it's quite strange that your boyfriend doesn't talk about exes at all, but some people are like that. My ex-husband was like that. Once someone was out of his life, it was like they ceased to exist or something.

Do you get the feeling he's hiding stuff from you?

[Only-virgins]

Agreed, I was simply offering the fact that asking creates a no win situation in that at best, the answer would leave me feeling indifferent. I've never let sexual past hurt my relationships before, though there have been a couple times where it made me feel like shit for a while. I've just found that since I'm not willing to let that cause me to give up what I perceive to be a good thing, than I don't need to find out in the first place.

If it doesn't bother you at all than good for you. I get than where you are coming from. I am different.

[GrkScorp]

Hey guys...

I was just wondering how many of you have talked about how many past relationships/ sexual partners you've had with your bf/gf and have you been honest about this? Should you talk about this or does it just make the other party feel jealous/insecure? How have they reacted? Is there a right time to talk about this?

If someone (your bf) is avoiding answering this question what does it mean? Are they just trying to save you the grief?

Thanks.

I used to be strait-out open and honest about my previous relationships and sexual partners.. but.. I realized.. that not only is it NOT productive at all.. it actually hurts the relationship, especially if you're the guy telling a woman about other women you've been with..

I think it's a stupid question to want to know about your S.O.'s previous history.. because if something BAD happened, it's highly unlikely they're going to disclose it to you, and from what they do tell you, you won't know him/her any better, and it really won't do anything..

So, my policy from now on is to just go as far as saying, I've always made sure my partners were clean, and i've always used protection during sex.. after/beyond that, the other person gains nothing from knowing anything about my past sexual history.. and i'm going to clearly state that to my next sexual partner..