If you had a time machine...

[just-me]

Hypothetically, if you could go back in time armed with this knowledge and understanding of mistakes you both made in a relationship and start all over, what would you do to make it better.
I'm not trying to beat myself up over what I did wrong but more trying to figure out how to make it work next time. As of now it seems impossible for me to trust another woman and I wonder if there is anything I can do in the future relationship to prevent love from fading away. I'm talking about relationship based on true love here.
In my case, she loved me, even once our honey moon phase was over she was committed. Then things happened that made her subconsciously start changing the way she felt about me. She didn't wanna give up though, she stayed with me hoping it will work out but she couldn't control her subconsciousness and started finding my flaws. everyone has flaws. She has flaws but it didn't bother me to much. Her qualities overshadowed her flaws and I never questioned my feelings for her. She did and she obviously had an inner fight with her feelings this whole last year of our relationship. But instead of talking and trying to work on it, she tried to fight it on her own. I can't blame her for that, everyone has his own way in dealing with problems, but her way was destined to fail because I couldn't read her mind.
When I realized how far she's got it was already too late. I offered her to have counseling and try to work it out but that was only after she's found somebody else she was interested in and decided to break up with me. At that point she was not willing to work on it because she had another option. Fresh start always seems like a good option, but she'll be facing the very same problems with a new guy because of her underlying emotional problems. That's her problem of course, but what can I do if I meet a person like her in the future? I think five years is a very long time to just let somebody go. If we lasted in harmonic relationship that long I believe we could have lasted more, only if we played the right cards. There will always be one person who is more willing to work on things and that doesn't make other person bad. It's just the way it is. In this case, I was that person but I was unaware of the seriousness of problems and what she was going through.
I'm not really expecting and answer, there is probably no right answer, but opinions are more than welcome.

[Alvy]

Eh...probably be a bit more attentive. I have a habit of taking things for granted. That will probably bite me on the ass 20 years from now.

[Gribble]

If I had a time machine I'd say **** it to relationships.

I'd go back in time and meet Mark Twain. We'd pick up Jules Verne, H.G. Wells and Leonardo Da Vinci. I doubt very much those men would hesitate to jump through time with me. Then it'd be off to the Colosseum to catch some blood sports. Maybe pay Copernicus and Tycho Brahe a visit. See what the battle of Troy was like up close. Find out if Odysseus was really real or not. We'd head off into the future, stopping along the way to nab Isaac Asimov, and see what's up in the world of tomorrow.

There would be absolutely no time for useless vaginas and relationships.

[Ret]

In physics, time traveling to the past is impossible, but it is possible to travel time on the future. This only means we should just forget and accept the past and packed our things for the future.

[VincenzoG91]

I would assassinate Hitler. It probably wouldn't affect my past relationships, but I would feel pretty good about it.

[sparkle_jello]

If I could go back into time I would just take more pictures.

[Kyouhen]

i think i would prevent George W. from being born

Also to address the point of this topic, I mean who doesn't want a second chance in fixing all the shit we did, but I mean honestly what good is it to hope and wish for some miracle to send us back in time to give us a second chance, all your doing is moping wasting time, and ultimately accomplishing nothing.

Your time to go back is in the present, learn from all the shit that's happened, that way you can mold your future into the past/future you wanted it to be, you can't change whats happened, and everyone knows you can only change the future.

So like seriously stop trying to fix things with your dreams and just actually do the hard work to fix whats wrong NOW.

[Lisa89]

Nothing. You did nothing wrong. If she had a problem, she should have said something. Relationships dont work without communication and you had no way of knowing if she didnt say anything.

[just-me]

good point lisa89. All I could possibly learn from this experience is to NEVER EVER trust anyone! Well, maybe few other things as well, like never give all you've got, never show how much you love someone or better yet, do not love at all. Sounds like miserable future to me
Seriously though, this relationship was as perfect as it gets. We were best friends, sex was great, we had so much in common, no jealousy, fights or anything. She was more on a party side and I never had problems with that. she was allowed to go wherever she wanted and I never had any suspicions. We enjoyed spending time together. Then she just gave up on me! without trying to communicate, without any signs or warnings. Our life problems were very serious but that was no reason for breakup. breakup didn't solve the problem, just made it more complicated because now we have to deal with it without support of each other and with less money. For her things got even worse because she could get deported in a year. Together we had options. separately we have nothing!
I can't trust more, I can't love more and I don't see a point of having a relationship without trust and love.

[Kyouhen]

Well there are kind of a few evident things there when you talk about it.

First you say "allowed to go anywhere" I understand your point but subconsciously to convey that type of word when talking about the activities of another shows you have a bit of a controlling nature most likely of the insecure side.

Secondly, you may call the relationship what you will, perfect or broken, but regardless if it was as great as you say, then it obviously would not have ended.

Correct you cannot change or make someone do something, but relationship issues are always two ways, she didn't just dump you and make you be the victim.

I am not trying to be hard on you, or pick on you, I completely understand the way you must feel and the mixed emotions your probably shifting through.

But you must first admit to yourself that, if you truly had such a great relationship, the reasons she would have left you would have been more evident. She could have hid it, you could have not done anything, but usually the case is that your view on the relationship was different and you painted over the situation with your "rose colored glasses".

Meaning if there were issues, you didn't see it due to assumptions or w/e, being dense or blind I suppose is the harsher words.

Relationships are pretty much relative and yet unpredictable, we on this forum or in life can have almost the exact experience and say w/e, like we know the concrete answer.

But honestly we don't, don't look elsewhere for those sorts of reasons to justify your situation.

I guess what I'm saying is, don't fool yourself with those assumptions, work on what you now know, not what you knew, don't let things ever seem concrete despite the patterns they show, be intelligent with what you learn from others.

You say you can never love or trust again, but honestly the scarier thing is that you eventually will, and it's up to you how you will learn from these experiences so you possibly don't have to repeat the same feeling.

Giving up is just a cover for saying your really sad and scared.

[Incognito]

As far as relationships go I'd go back to when I left my marriage (with a shot gun) and lay out the stupidity of "making things work" to myself as calmly and as detailed as I could and follow it up with "and I'll kill you if you do".

As far as other things go I'd want to go back to the 1400s, mine gold in the west before anyone knew to look for it, and live off the land.

[ashley89]

while part of me thinks I would want to go back and fix some mistakes or change things, I really wouldn't want to change anything at all. It sounds cliche, but I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. The more I look back at my relationship with my ex, I see reasons why we aren't meant together, and the break-up is actually more of a blessing than something bad. I'm healing, things in my life has gotten better, and I know that I will meet someone else that will make me happy. In the meantime, I'm learning more about myself and making myself happy.

I don't regret anything about our relationship, I'll always look back on our good memories and smile at them, and remember him as a person who made me happy and who I really loved. But I truly feel that if I were meant to be with him, I would be. Let life take its course and you'll end up in the right place with the right person

[EnemyOfMyEnemy]

I'd go back all those years ago to the day she arrived at my old school and i'd completly ignore her. Maybe accidently elbow her if I could.

[bluesummer]

Just-me sometimes relationships just end because it's time. It may not seem like the right thing now, but it will later when you meet someone better. Why get yourself twisted up in "what if" and "If I had just done ___ everything would be better...." You can't undo the past, totally cliche I know but true.

I would never timewarp back to any old relationship and try to fix it. Thise mistakes made me who I am today.

I would instead timewarp back to high school and teach myself not to be such a tool. Yeah, no earlier than highschool. Any period of time before the '80's was pretty much a completely horrible time to be female.

[Boisdevie]

As far as relationships go I don't think a time machine would work. I regret getting married but don't regret my two wonderful daughters that resulted from the marriage.