Dodged an LDR bullet? Or got shot with heartbreak?

[Sooky]

Hey guys...

Long time no type..

Anyway, have recently suffered yet another heart-breaking blow, due to my never ceasing ability to seek out near impossible relationships.

Starting from the beginning - I met this guy online and we got on really well and had a lot in common. We talked online everyday for nearly 2 weeks and on the phone a few times and we seemed to get on really well. Then he started to get a bit intense and I wasn't really sure how to handle it. Plus he lived quite a long way away and I know how stressful and painful LDRs can be from experience with my last relationship.

Anyway, in the end I basically just told him to forget about me and move on. That I'm kinda still recovering from my last break up and LDRs can be really hard going and everything. From all this it may sound like I made the right choice. But for some reason I still regret it like hell.

I guess I'll get over it, but for the brief time we talked we got on so well and it just feels in someway that I missed out on something. Made a terrible mistake that will haunt me. Like I’m destined to be alone because I can’t seem to handle relationships. I know, I know… sounds well OTT, but I feel it, and emotions don’t make sense. Logically I think it was the right thing to do, but my emotions are playing havoc with my mind.

Just wondered if anyone else has had this kind of experience. Would also appreciate any advice on how to get over this regret that seems to have seeped into my brain. Thanks in advance.

Sooky

[Gigabitch]

God, yes, Sooky. I broke up with someone once because I felt I just couldn't handle him and how wonderful he was and it haunted me for years.

It affected the relationships I had after him, making me less available to others because I had left a piece of myself with him. It almost felt like it didn't matter if other relationships went belly-up because he was the one I really wanted still. I kind of hung all of my rationalizations about why relationships didn't work on that one loss.

You're emotionally clever, Sooky. You mess with yourself too much, though. I wish I could tell you how to ease your feelings of regret. Those are hard to deal with, especially if you have an active imagination and you can paint all kinds of pictures for yourself about what might have been.

[Zach]

When I was devistated for the first time I didn't really fully recover for a very long time. It was with me for a long time, haunting my relationships afterwards also. But the moment I fell in love with the new girl.. I mean after like 6 months of being with her.. I finally realized that she was the new girl in my hears and I really DO love her. And it wasn't until then that I got over my haunting feelings. Your mind can play dirty dirty tricks on you if you let it, but all you have to do is keep in there and try your best all the time and eventually you wont regret anything anymore.

If you keep trying your best, you wont be able to feel regret. Doing your best means Never giving up and Never surrendering. It involves never losing hope in yourself. It involves having patience till you find "the one".

This is a patient process, and your not alone.

[Sooky]

Gigabitch- I’m sorry you got lumbered with regret like that.
I’ve had terrible lingering pangs of regret before and experiencing it again now I know how bad it can feel. From how you describe you’re experience, your regret was probably worse than mine as I knew this guy for like 2 weeks, and not in person. However, at the time I still felt some connection with this guy and if I could change what I’d said to him I would. But its too late now.

Anyway, it probably is for the best really, or so I keep telling myself. Just can’t seem to fully convince myself it is. Using the reverse depression techniques I learned from my last break up hopefully I’ll pull through. Think I’ll have to return to my old philosophy of happiness though- Look for the positive in the negative, and turn as many situations as possible into win / win.

Its just so hard in this case because I felt sure that I would be saving myself the stress and pain associated with another LDR, but now it seems I feel just as bad if not worse. So its hard to know what was for the best. Really I couldn’t decide either way. If I had to go back and make the same decision again I probably would have tried to hold onto him longer, but I don’t really know where it was heading even then.

I mean he made it seem like I had to make a decision whether to continue down that route or not, and as I’d only known him just over a week, didn’t really feel able to make that judgement. From past experiences I know that LDRs are really hard and its not fair to lead someone on if you’re not sure about you feel. And I didn’t. I still don’t.
Its just making me crazy I think.

Zach- Thanks for the inspirational words of advice. Seems I could benefit from listing to my own preaching right now. And I will do my best to uphold my words or wisdom, but emotions are devious things, and resisting their attack is proving particularly hard now for some reason. No worries though, I will keep fighting back! And you’re right patience is really key in this type of situation or any heart break situation really. Guess I need to improve my patience skills too. Just some how regret and heartbreak seem to prolong time, which can make loneliness seem like an eternity at moments like this.

Anyway, I really appreciate you guys being here for me. Means a lot.

[TDurden]

Sounds like you made a good choice, you did what was healthiest for both of you.

Nice to see you're back Sooky, even it's because of something unfortunate