Girlfriend of 3 months in limbo

[drs6222]

To summarize my situation;

I met a girl, maybe things were rushed. She is still in grad school in a different city; but will be here in May after graduation (I'm 26, she 22)
It worked really well and that's why initially rushing things didn't really become a problem...and she was here over the holidays....

She made it clear that she really cares about me, and am an amazing BF, etc, but she isn't in a place where can commit to being someones GF...and she knew it would hurt me if she didn't say anything...

She was extremely dependent in a 3 year relationship that ended a year ago, and she claims she is going through a phase in her life where she is growing independent.

Her and my dilemma is what to do. She and I have made it both clear that we don't want to break up (and not talk), but she just can't be a good GF.

How do I handle this? My heart is telling me I can take a step back, and we can continue to casually chat online/text/phone and remain in that stage, but part of me thinks maybe I should just end it and not talk to her.

I want to do what's best for our chances for the future....and I think if I cut ties altogether and in 3 months she decided she's ready, and I'm no longer in the picture in any facet, I'll **** myself.

Thanks guys, I've never been in a real emotional dilemma and unfortunately not close enough with anyone to spill my thoughts.

[rob1984]

hey buddy, let her do her thing, and tell her you respect her decision.. do what you can to make her feel independent. Tell her that attracts you in a woman and its what you want. Tell her you know she does not want the same relationship she had before and that you will stand by her and respect her decisions.. but to be honest and not drag you along for a ride she knows will not end well. and so on... thats just what I would do.

[zara111]

Hello, If you really are her friend then your not going to dumb her because she's not ready to take your relationship to the next step. I don't think it's a good idea to push a girl into a relationship where she doesn't want to be. That almost never ends up well.
In the text above, it really sounds like you're only interested in a romantic relationship, and if that isn't possible that you really aren't interested at all. To me that's not friendship and it's not how strong relationships are built. However if I interpreted your text wrong and you really do care about her. Then my advise would be to stay her friend. Her love for you will grow stronger. You'll get to know each other better. And your relationship will have a much stronger chance to succeed. In the end the waiting will be worth it. I don't think you should put a time limit on it, 3 months might not be enough.

[Cerby]

Hello, If you really are her friend then your not going to dumb her because she's not ready to take your relationship to the next step. I don't think it's a good idea to push a girl into a relationship where she doesn't want to be. That almost never ends up well.
In the text above, it really sounds like you're only interested in a romantic relationship, and if that isn't possible that you really aren't interested at all. To me that's not friendship and it's not how strong relationships are built. However if I interpreted your text wrong and you really do care about her. Then my advise would be to stay her friend. Her love for you will grow stronger. You'll get to know each other better. And your relationship will have a much stronger chance to succeed. In the end the waiting will be worth it. I don't think you should put a time limit on it, 3 months might not be enough.

I don't like this because it means he has to put his own needs on hold while waiting for her. I think OP should go out and find someone else, and keep limited ties to this woman until she makes up her mind, that way when she never comes around, he won't have his heart broken all over again.

[zara111]

Good point

[drs6222]

I don't like this because it means he has to put his own needs on hold while waiting for her. I think OP should go out and find someone else, and keep limited ties to this woman until she makes up her mind, that way when she never comes around, he won't have his heart broken all over again.

A solid point

[drs6222]

And to add, yes I do care. I think this 3 months has had more promise than any serious relationship I've had (not many, but still a sample size to base if off of).

And I don't think it has to mean I put my needs on hold. I can still go out and make myself available yet still maintain a close friendship with her.

[HeartIsAching]

To summarize my situation;

I met a girl, maybe things were rushed. She is still in grad school in a different city; but will be here in May after graduation (I'm 26, she 22)
It worked really well and that's why initially rushing things didn't really become a problem...and she was here over the holidays....

She made it clear that she really cares about me, and am an amazing BF, etc, but she isn't in a place where can commit to being someones GF...and she knew it would hurt me if she didn't say anything...

She was extremely dependent in a 3 year relationship that ended a year ago, and she claims she is going through a phase in her life where she is growing independent.

Her and my dilemma is what to do. She and I have made it both clear that we don't want to break up (and not talk), but she just can't be a good GF.

How do I handle this? My heart is telling me I can take a step back, and we can continue to casually chat online/text/phone and remain in that stage, but part of me thinks maybe I should just end it and not talk to her.

I want to do what's best for our chances for the future....and I think if I cut ties altogether and in 3 months she decided she's ready, and I'm no longer in the picture in any facet, I'll **** myself.

Thanks guys, I've never been in a real emotional dilemma and unfortunately not close enough with anyone to spill my thoughts.

So what does all of this mean? That she doesn't want to rush into a relationship right away? Is she still moving to your town?

If so... then so what? Take it slow.