Up in flames? or just smoking?

[Mr.S]

Hello Everyone. this is the first time ive posted in a forum like this but it seems like a great way to get some female opinions on my girlfriend... so, here goes.

Me and my girlfriend are both 22 years old, we've been dating for about 5 1/2 years. She is my first girlfriend, well, shes my first everything. Id say up until about 3 months ago we've had a really good relationship, i mean hey, its lasted 5 years right? This summer however things changed. She went off to a summer camp to work and we havent really seen each other all summer. our conversations are at times awkward now because she no longer knows what she wants, in all aspects of her life. school, job, life, living arrangements and our relationship as well. before she left all she could talk about was getting married and moving out, children. everything. we havent really had money to move out or get married until this year... She has admitted she developed a crush on some guy while she was up there but insists its not the reason shes staying. ya we all develop little crushes in our relationships im sure, that doesnt bother me so much im not a very jealous person. I did go up to her camp so see her recently things had gotten so bad that i had felt that i did need to break up with her because she was contemplating staying at the camp for a year... the last thing i want to do is break up with her, i love her way too much. the thought of leaving her makes me sick, i just cant imagine my life without her or loving anybody as much as i love her. One of the nights i was there we started talking about her being at the camp and she told me everything shes done up there and we talked about our relationship as well, she started crying, saying she didnt know what she was doing with her life and that she loved me, i was the best thing in her life. she sends me text messages and calls once a day now just saying she loves me and stuff. . . Im so confused. i dont know what to do. my heart hurts and i havent been able to think clearly for months. i feel like im dangling on a string waiting for her to decide whats going to happen to us. She is my first girlfriend so i have no real feel for much other than what my friends say. I dont know if i said too little or too much for whoever reads to give me a proper opinion on the situation. I want to support her i really do but it hurts. I tried giving her some space for a week where i wouldnt call her or anything and i still got calls and texts and just yesterday she asked why i was treating her differently. After some small conversation she said she felt like i was killing her with kindness??? i dont get it. shes been so different and im so confused. im sorry if this is hard to understand. Id be happy to give whoever more information if it would lead to a better opinion on the situation or some advice? ... thanks

[anachronistic]

This time is either going to be a test of faithfulness for both of you, a break from the relationship to see what you really want, and/or the end of the relationship.

I know it's very foolish, but at your age, some people really feel like they need to get out and 'try everything out' before they settle down. I think this is what your girlfriend is feeling right now, while she is away from you, and around guys who have potential to be good boyfriends.

If you suggest to stay together and rough it out, her response will likely be in disagreement with this, because she wants to experiment. I wouldn't let this bother you though; it's nothing personal, I am sure she loves you and you're a great guy. It's pretty common for people to feel that way at some point. Plus when you are together for 5 years at a young age, that kind of prevents you from experimenting when you should

In attempt to 'save' the relationship and justify your feelings, you'll suggest a break in the relationship.. not a complete breakup, but just separation for a while to get things figured out. Ultimately, this is not what you want to do. You may want to do it for 2-3 weeks... but you don't want to end up as her plan B guy, trust me. After a few weeks are up, break up with her completely. You need to experiment too. Gotta find if marriage and a family and everything are what you really want. Date a few people, and hope that maybe you'll get back together with her someday - don't count on it though; that will make decisions a lot harder for you to make.

[Mr.S]

she has echoed those thoughts to me before however she has had other boyfriends before me where as I am the one who has only had her. I have never felt that i needed to test anything and i dont think the grass is greener on the other side... but i guess i understand and agree with what you said even though it hurts... alot.