The mess of my past

[Jknifeman]

So I said I'd make more posts detailing my past because I figure that explaining about how things went to hell for me at one point is kind of a downer intro. So let's start from the very beginning, the first girl I've ever been with. This girl had an interest in me for about a year and a half by the time I learned of it, (we didn't see each other much) and of course me never having experienced any form of relationship before, went for it. When I found out she liked me I was just drawn to her and I began seeing her in secret (I had many trust issues back then) and that continued for about months. After those two months it was found out by my parents (I was fifteen) who supported it wholly even though I did not expect them to. So everything went amazingly for eight months and we slowly advanced and I, being a lonely fifteen something fool sucked up every minute of that warmth. Then one night when I was over at her house she began shaking as I held her while we sat and watched a movie, I asked her why but she didn't answer. The next day she came over to talk and broke things off, confessing that because she was isolated due to her family being large (13 children besides her, her being the eldest) she just wanted someone to talk to and hang out with so she put on the act the entire time. I didn't want to live anymore, I lied in bed for the next two days just wishing I would stop breathing, and these two days spun out into weeks which spun out into months, which spun out into a year of depression and limerence. It finally improved after I nearly committed suicide for the fortieth or so time and was caught in the midst of it, and consequently sent to a hospital, which did nothing, and then to counseling, which did nothing either. The whole reason why I pulled through that is guitar, I love music, and it saved my life because I discovered it is what I am meant to do in addition to science. That is my only relationship so far, I kind of was cleaning up that train wreck for the past year so there is that.

[rjkennedy]

Love can be a hurting thing, when you're young and in love. We all go through that first love thing, that eventually get lost. At this point, you done the right thing by focusing on something else you love...like music. I love music myself.

A nice girl will later come into your young life, but just concentrate on your guitar. If your old girlfriend comes back around, just talk as friends, and that's it.