Should I fight?

[Mr. Turtle]

Long story short, I have been dragged through the mud with relationships and decided I wanted to get back on the horse and really find something worth it. Since my last relationship which ended in absolute disaster (only because she got all the money and the dogs hahaha) I have been met with nothing but childish games and girls just wanting to hook up, blah, blah, blah, you know the drill, we all go through.

I met this girl and it just felt so good. She made me feel more comfortable than I have ever felt with anyone. I am not claiming she is the one. BUT, I have been emotionally closed off and turned into a real bastard for the most part. I think it was to protect myself from getting hurt. Now I know I am a great guy and nice on the inside, but I have this really tough sheet of "armor" and a deadly tongue. But this girl basically said "f*** your perimeter" and walked right in. I didnt put up any objections and just let it happen. Well we broke off whatever it was because she feels that I press my opinion and think I know more than everyone else. Inside I really don't, I can only speak adamantly about the things I've been through (been on my own since 15, so I've seen quite a bit over the last decade). But I have been working to change that and even more so with her. I really like her for one reason or another and haven't slept with her out of fear of being walked out on again. I agreed with her saying "I just want to be friends" as I know what that means and claimed no hard feelings, telling her "if I'm not what you want, then I'm not what you want. Sucks, but it is what it is"

Is this where I fight? Is this where I lay it all on the line? I am not the crazy stalker type and find it extremely easy to detach myself from people, (a defense mechanism because people have walked out on my since I was little) but I something inside of me is screaming at least fight and try. I know how to screw things up more than I can make them better, so I am asking if it will do more damage than good.

[reeba]

You like her but you yourself said you are not ready for a relationship. I suggest you get yourself ready for a relationship before pursuing her. Because right now you are bound to eff it all up and you will lose any shot at her. Stay friends and get some counseling to get over your baggage

[Mr. Turtle]

I know, and I have accepted the fact that I had this barrier against people. So when I met her I left most of it at the door. I guess I just don't want to hear myself say "See, I told you." I know its not the right response but I can't help but feel like I put myself out and said screw this whole loner thing. And I did, I really did, but I have stuff I need to work on. I use cars to keep myself sane, which even my car isn't doing too well. I end up becoming obsessive with it and I truly only love cars and music. I had even gone as far as taking out the passenger seat because I never needed to use it and justified it as weight saving. Maybe if I drop some of the dead weight of the baggage I carry I would have a need for it. But its hard to do that alone.