Cheating or Paranoia??

[BoominSLPR]

I've been with my current girlfriend for almost 4 months from now and we also live together. Our relationship got off to a great start but fighting has become much more frequent the last couple weeks. We talked our problems out and decided that we were going to learn from our mistakes and carry on. A day after this agreement she got a text-message from her boss (married, kids, etc.). When this message finally popped up it was indeed from her boss at work and it read: "so are we still on for that hotel room?". I asked her to hand me the phone, she did, and I noticed there were multiple messages from the same guy although I only read the one because I handed her the phone out of disgust and walked out of the room. When I came back into the room I asked for the phone again, received it again, and looked to find all messages had been erased even though she took no responsibility for it. I have never had trust issues with her before and she swore the boss' comment wasn't instigated and simply a product of his unusual sense of humor. I asked her if she appreciated that kind of attention from a male superior at work and she said no and she would say something to him about it even though she highly doubted it was to be taken literally. In following conversation, she admitted that he calls/messages her up to a couple times a day at and away from work although I never knew of this up until then. I asked her why her phone was switched to silent ring/alert and she said it was an accident. I asked if she would let a few of these messages accumulate on the phone so she could prove to me there's nothing shady going on to which she reluctantly agreed but has yet to follow through on although it has only been a day or so. She also has been asked to go to the local pool hall with her boss and some of the other employees after work and I allowed it thinking there were no trust issues. When I told her I would be uncomfortable with the fact she would be hanging out with her co-workers at this point she got somewhat defensive and refused to agree to it. Tonight I took her to dinner and her phone rang: her boss. I told her to answer the phone and she refused. Later she agreed to call him back at while we were still at the mall but she waited until I was busy with a salesman to dart off and make the call. I asked her to wait and when she called in front of me:

Her: "What's up?"
Boss: "Not much. you?"
Her: "Shopping with [my boyfriend]. Did you need something?"
Boss: "I need you to come in a little early tomorrow"
Her: "Am I in trouble?"
Boss: "No"
Her: "Is it work-related?"
Boss: "Kinda"

I told her I didn't think her boss should be calling her outside of work for work-related things and she told me that was a matter of opinion. She has been very upfront with me about things she didn't necessarily have to be and she is being very attentive and caring about the way I feel about all of this and is showing no signs of ending our relationship. Her explainations (assuming they're honest) are valid but some of the actions still have me puzzled as they too could either be permiscuous or completely innocent in nature.

[sfalexi]

One thing to do is to meet her when she goes out with her co-workers. Just say, "awesome. I'm not doing anything then. I'll meet you. Where are you going?" See how she reacts to that.

As for calling outside of work, if it was legitemately that he needed her to come in early, then he obviously needs to get a hold of her BEFORE her start time the next day.

Offer her your company to stand up to her boss. Tell her you'll go with her and just be outside in the waiting room for support.

I think a good thing to do would be to get (or at least pretend to get) pissed off at her boss. Next time you hear/see something unusual just start shouting. "I can't believe he says stuff like that to an employee! And of all people, MY GIRLFRIEND?! That's it! What a deaschbag!!! This guys gonna ****in' get it." Then go there, go to HIS boss and relate what he's been doing and say that your girlfriend has told you that it's unwelcomed and un-instigated but is too shy/nervous to say anything to him.

And then see if it stops.

Rod Steele

[edit] PS - She'll of course sit there and say, "No. Dont say anything. Please" but don't take no for an answer. Remember. You're TOO pissed off.

She really can't get/stay mad at you cause you're defending her honor and being a good boyfriend for standing up to her, and you'll put an end to this (whatever it is) once and for all.

[King Zarathu]

I don't know what to say man. Sounds really ****ed up to me. If you weren't so close to each other I would say just break up with her and say "listen I think you're cheating on me with [boss] and I don't think it's gonna work out if you [blah blah blah]"

Depending on her reaction.. man, seriously, if she was really cheating on you is she really worth your time? Is she the type of person that might do that?

Shit man.. I'm sorry but other than that I'm speechless.

[ltj5253]

the best thing that i coudl say to you is this.
does your girl have a history of promiscious behavior is past relationships or the past?
and if you answered yes, its almost a definate that shes cheating. but if you cant answer this question, go to her friends and find the answer to that question. go from there. you know what to do. if she does have a history, kick her out the door. if not kick the boss' ass.



awan

[King Zarathu]

nah man.. don't even fight another guy over a girl. NO girl is EVER worth fighting another man for. end result is this:

1) you feel humiliated and got ur ass beat in front of a girl
2) you feel guilty u just beat the shit out of somebody, and ur girl left u the next day or cheated on u with the neighbor.. you found out because she was screamin so damn loud from the anal

it just doesn't work man it's not right.

[val]

I agree. On cheating there must be two. If she would need help being attacked by her boss (or somebody with more "power") she would share it with you thought.