Still have feelings for my ex

[elfen31]

I had a relationship for 3 or 4 years with a good guy. We started out really well as I suppose all relationships do. We then moved in together and at first it was good with the usual challenges of sharing living space. However, over the years things became ugly between us ...and bitter. We fought about the stupidest things, he insisted on speaking to me in what I considered to be a verbally abusive manner. The relationship simply progressively got worse. Then I unfortunately met a man online who I at first really had no real interest in. He and I met and I was unfaithful to my ex, which I regret doing.

I moved out of the place my ex and I shared together in January of this year. I set about getting on with my life. However, I have NEVER ever forgotten about him (his name's Ryan), he is actually never far from my thoughts, ever. And I'm ashamed to admit this, but I yearn to have him back in my life. And yes I'm seeing the guy that I met online. Yes I know I'm a real b**** for EVERYTHING that I've done and I don't deserve my ex AT ALL, and I deserve every horrible thing that happens to me as a result of what I did, but.....I still have feelings for him and I'm honestly not sure what to do about them. I know most of you will say I should leave my ex well enough alone so he can find someone who is far more deserving than I am of his affection. What I'm saying is if I can't get advice on being back with him, at least give me pointers on how to move on completely?

[ecojeanne]

what makes you so bad? seriously stop punishing yourself....he was verbally abusive to you...you had a bitter relationship....if you get back together do you believe things will change?....of course not, people can't change that much...they can try but ultimately he will be verbally abusive again and now has an exuse to be and my advice would be enjoy the new relationship you have with this new guy....dont call yourself a b**** be happy that you have your freedom away from that negative relationship, i'm not condoning cheating but its good that you're not with him

[Arrow]

what makes you so bad? seriously stop punishing yourself....he was verbally abusive to you...you had a bitter relationship....if you get back together do you believe things will change?....of course not, people can't change that much...they can try but ultimately he will be verbally abusive again and now has an exuse to be and my advice would be enjoy the new relationship you have with this new guy....dont call yourself a b**** be happy that you have your freedom away from that negative relationship, i'm not condoning cheating but its good that you're not with him

It's as they say... Tigers don't change their stripes.

[DeTroit_4Win]

It's as they say... Tigers don't change their stripes.

but do zebras?

[elfen31]

what makes you so bad? seriously stop punishing yourself....he was verbally abusive to you...you had a bitter relationship....if you get back together do you believe things will change?....of course not, people can't change that much...they can try but ultimately he will be verbally abusive again and now has an exuse to be and my advice would be enjoy the new relationship you have with this new guy....dont call yourself a b**** be happy that you have your freedom away from that negative relationship, i'm not condoning cheating but its good that you're not with him

I can't thank you enough. I've been doing just that....punishing myself for months ever since it happened. He won't change...you're right...he won't. We've been together for about 4 years..and he never did. So..... you're right. And to that other person who was the first to reply...you're right too....I do realize that jumping from relationship to relationship is actually wearing me down, and that I need time to be by myself to think and just take a break from the demands of a relationship for a while and believe me it is VERY demanding. I guess I'm just sad that what could have been for me and my ex will never be at all.

[Gigabitch]

...he insisted on speaking to me in what I considered to be a verbally abusive manner.

Why in the world would you want to go back to that?