I don't want to move in with him...Now what?

[Brooklyn Rose]

My boyfriend and I spent the weekend at his house, but I helped him clean and shop the entire time. This is what his life consists of, cleaning and shopping. I am so burnt out and aggravated from the way he lives his life that I told him I can't see myself living with him.
He also got upset at just about everything I did while I was trying to help him, so I got super aggravated at that, too. Our ways of doing things are just sooo different.
I just can't see myself living with that all the time. Our weekend visits are nice, but I can't be a slave all my life.
We haven't really been connecting since I came home and I feel distanced from him now.
We've had a serious talk about it, but there's no way to avoid the truth - that I can't tolerate living in his enviroment with him 24/7...
Is there anyway to repair this?
We have been together for nearly two years, but it's coming down to the wire on us living together, finally and I don't think I want to take the plunge...Am I overreacting to a bad weekend?

[valkyrie4896]

Sorry to hear about you situation, I realize we guys can be really messy at times. (or all the time =/)

I guess you like your living place to be neat, clean and tidy and your bf's room prolly gave you some unpleasant surprise. The 1st cleaning up could be really really tiring, but after the 1st big one, the rest shouldnt be as hard as the first time, right? It is not as serious as you thought.

Perhaps you could try asking him to tidy up his place, or at least try not to mess up the place too bad? One baby step at a time. Try relaxing your cleanliness standards a bit, you know the guy cant keep the place sparkly clean, but if he did spend effort to try, at least he tried, right? If he still makes a mess, remind him, dont nag, and relax.

I would hate to see a perfectly fine relationship go sour just becoz of the cleanliness issues. Hope you will eventually work out the issue with him.

[mountaingirl]

I'm confused: is it that he is messy or boring that is bothering you? are you upset that he is messy and therefore that's all you do on the weekend is clean or is that what he likes to do with his free time: clean.

the bigger picture, if you can't see yourself living together then it's not the time to do it. how i knew i was ready with previous bfs is that he and i would stay at each other's place more and more, soon every single night, and finally it would feel like we were living together and then we would take the next step. having said that, with one bf in particular, i hated staying with him, but liked when he stayed at mine. (because of his roommates, though). he eventually moved into my place. do you like it when he stays at yours? or do his habits bother you there too?

[Sonrisa]

what's wrong with cleaning?

[IndiReloaded]

Sorry, but I'm confused. Are you saying he's a gross, lazy pig and you had to spend your time together cleaning and shopping?

Or are YOU the gross, lazy pig b/c he wants to do these things and you would rather be out picking flowers or partying?

A guy who cleans and shops? I'd say there are any number of gals who'd love if you sent your guy their way, if so.

[vashti]

Cleaning and shopping are part of what responsible adults do. If you aren't ready for that, then don't do it.

Anyway - why are YOU cleaning his house?

[moonfairy_2002]

You shouldnt move in with a man you are not married to, in my opinion. It is really up to you with his upkeep is a deal breaker.