Let her be, or try to connect?

[Tinman]

Long story short, wife of 14 years left me to supposedly think things over and find her identity, as she resents me for taking her for granted and causing her to feel empty and unappreciated. This came as a total shock to me, as I look back and only see a happy marriage and family. There is no other man, I'm as certain as anyone can be about that.

The dilemma I'm faced with is, if I leave her alone, won't she become more distant and used to being without me?
But if I try to tell her how much I love her and miss her, it will make her feel pressured, and push her away.

She says she still loves me, but not like she used to.

Thanks for any advice.

[MerryH]

if I leave her alone, won't she become more distant and used to being without me?

Well, yes, this is the point of a breakup. You also need to get used to being without her.

[Tinman]

Normally, I'd agree. But she says she hopes to return once she figures herself out.

[MerryH]

But she says she hopes to return once she figures herself out.

This reeks of bullshit. If she wanted to be with you, she would have stuck around to work things out. You should treat a "break" the exact same way you would treat a permanent breakup. If somewhere down the line it looks like it could work out, then great. Don't wait around for that to happen, though, because its likely that it won't.

[smackie9]

You should seek out couples counseling so you both can truly understand what is going on and learn to work through it with the guidance of a therapist.

[Tinman]

We've tried counseling. But the counselor wants us to work on minor issues that are barely relevant to solving the problem. She wants my wife to be more assertive, because her failure to let me know how she felt has led to years of built-up resentment. Well that's fine, but it does nothing to fix the issue at hand. It's something that could have helped over the years, not now, when we barely see each other now that she's moved out.

[xxazurexx]

Usually and when women walk away, it's for good.

She probably feels that she has given you chance after chance after chance ....still nothing changed.