Very weird Friend zone Situation, What does it mean/what do I do? WARNING LONG STORY

[broseidon1225]

So I'm going to try to explain this as detailed as possible so prepare for the story. Also the Markers by Numbers (1,2,3 etc...) are moments I'm labeling as significant so pay attentionSo I met this girl a year ago and she was sexually attracted to me and I to her, so I decided to talk to her and we got along very well and decided to hang out again.Couple weeks later we engage in "adult things (LOL)" and everything seems to go well.
1. I think I may have opened up a little to hard to her, Saying what I liked about her and all that cheesy stuff while also realizing later on she didn't reciprocate.
2. We had hung out for about a week straight after and didn’t hook up as she would leave early and rather coldly.
3. She generally is cold and doesn't like being paraded around as an object so naturally I just thought she was holding out.
4. She thought I wasn’t giving her enough attention and was getting very annoyed, so she clearly cared.
So the night finally comes when she says "let's go to bed" and I take her into my room, and NOTHING happens. We made out for a few minutes and then she turned her head to pass out.
6. I didn't know at the time but she had gotten out of a very long and bad relationship not long before and was playing the single game pretty hard, so my timing for the next part was very bad. We started hanging out and still nothing was happening, she would come over, act totally disinterested in me and interact with my friends more than me. I was clearly losing/already lost her but was determined to make it work cause I hadn't met a girl like her before. I admitted my feelings to her late one night as she was leaving, and she told me she "liked (me) too much to go out with (me)". I was pissed cause I was clearly friendzoned and told her I didn't want to see her again and to stop wasting my time.
7. Apparently she was deeply hurt by this as she told me later, but remember the "I like you too much" part as it comes into play later. So eventually we start hanging out again after she repeatedly tried to contact me. I ignored it at first but we honestly did get along very well so I didn't mind as much, and I was over the fact that I wasn't going to have sex with her again. So we started hanging out as "friends" about a month ago after 7 months of not seeing each-other. Obnoxiously enough we hit it off again and she kept telling me how much she "missed me" and all the things about me blah blah blah. Last night she calls me at 3 in the morning to hang out, somehow I was awake and I told her to come by. She immediately starts complaining about how this guy she was with wouldn't **** her so she left and came to my place. When I inquired more she told me some pretty interesting things about her sex life.
8. She will not **** guys she's incredibly attracted to and has been going for more feminine type men who are emotional.
9. She cites it as they are "easy to forget about" because they have nothing significant to offer and are annoying to her.
10. She is still very much single but has a few guys she just ***** cause she doesn't care about them.She then starts to open up to me, telling me things she has "never told anyone before" about her life and whatever. She opened up about how she loves to sing but can never do it in front of anyone. I put on one of her favorite songs and she starts sheepishly singing along, I then tell her to stand and be confident and she is still weak. So I held her body close to mine and she closed her eyes and was immediately more confident. The moment was so intense, her breath brushing my neck, her smell, the warmth of her body. As soon as she stops she mentions "I've never sang in front of anyone like that" and we start making out. About 30 seconds pass and she stops me, saying again "just friends" I ask her about it, she begins to tell me that
11. She knows if she is sexually involved with me that she would become "obsessed with me" and "wouldn't be able to stop thinking about me" that I would unintentionally control her life cause she can't get over how "great I am"
12. She had this feeling before when we first hooked up which is why she stopped it immediately because she knew it would grow into something dangerously passionate and that's why we can't be together, she wants to control her life and I'm too dangerous for her. If she had said ANYTHING else I would have just accepted the friendzone but now I'm more confused and interested than ever.
PART 2
After she told me about how she felt towards me I wasn't sure what to say. She just continued talking about her problems with men and sex while I kept quiet. She even went into her being raped and an abortion she went through among other things...After a long pause after she had been gushing for what seemed like forever she had this look of dawning realization about just how much she had told me, her face got kind of concerned/flustered and she asked "well I don't open up like that ever...you got anything you wanna get out"
1. Obviously she wanted to feel even as she had just spilled her guts to me. She really doesn't trust anyone as she doesn't have any close close friends to talk to, I was very surprised while she was talking cause she opened up a side of herself that she hides at all costs. She is very concerned with looking strong, independent and acting "tough" and she had just left herself completely vulnerable...Something I never thought I would see.
I said "I know you want this to be a two way street, but as of now it's a one way".
2. I thought it was a good move because the moment we kissed I knew I wanted her more than anything and I couldn't let this go in that direction.
She was speechless and looked pretty damned shocked because now I knew her like no-one else.
I then started talking about her complex that forbids her from actually being with men she likes (me).
3. I did not address it in a desperate manner, rather I took myself out of the conversation and starting elaborating on the fallacies of her logic.
Important-->I told her how it was pathetic that she was letting something like fear of love and passion control her. That she will never get stronger if she keeps running away from it and that the only way to truly gain control is to not be afraid of it. That she can't run away from it her whole life and that she is only going to hurt herself even more if she doesn't learn how to deal with it. Her lifestyle isn't solving her problems, she is just ignoring it by being with men she doesn't care about rather than actually have a fulfilling relationships. I ended it with
"I know you're not happy, and I know you are not letting yourself be happy...it's very concerning."
I stopped and she could only stare at me before she put her head down, staring at the space between her feet.
The silence was deafening and went on forever...I finally broke it by offering her some party drugs and said "let's just get ****** up"So after the drugs kicked in, we layed together in my bed listening to music. We talked alot that night, about music, life, whatever...the conversation would dip from very light topics to deep stuff.
4. She asked me about regrets and I just started telling her about a girl I used to love who left me without a trace,she wasn't that interested in hearing about it which is possibly a good thing. We cuddled pretty intensely in my bed, I could feel her heart start racing when she got close, she let me put my hands where I wanted...I've cuddled with female friends before but not like this, it felt like we needed truly needed the other. We didn't do anything physical...but I feel like emotionally I brought her to a place she hasn't been before...
Eventually she left after I passed out, but what the hell does this mean? Did I do the right thing? I really want her but I feel so confused about what happened that night.

[basilandthyme]

Any chance of you giving us the short version?

[Love'sReject]

White Knight Syndrome.

[broseidon1225]

LOL, Trust me dude I'm the lease chivalrous person I know and I think you missed the point unless you want to elaborate. I attract women regularly enough and I don't try to take a paternal role in my relationships. I don't believe that you can change someone for the better in the name of love or that cheesy stuff, and I definitely am not attracted to women who are a mess. Quite the opposite actually as I like dating older women who have their life figured out.
I'll admit it looks like that, but she is a very attractive girl and I really do feel a more real connection with her than I do with most women.

[basilandthyme]

LOL, Trust me dude I'm the lease chivalrous person I know and I think you missed the point unless you want to elaborate. I attract women regularly enough and I don't try to take a paternal role in my relationships. I don't believe that you can change someone for the better in the name of love or that cheesy stuff, and I definitely am not attracted to women who are a mess. Quite the opposite actually as I like dating older women who have their life figured out.
I'll admit it looks like that, but she is a very attractive girl and I really do feel a more real connection with her than I do with most women.

still wanting the short version ;-)

[broseidon1225]

Sure thing! All though I do feel like the details are important to grasp the whole emotional situation from both sides...

-Me and this girl hooked up
-Girl broke it off when I asked her out cause she "liked me too much"
-I accepted the friendzone and told her to **** off and stop wasting my time
-She tries contacting me for months and months till I finally give in and tell her to come hang out I accept the platonic relationship
-While we catch up she is excited and keeps telling me how she missed me and how much fun I am blah blah blah.
-Have great times together, really clicking like we did when we first met
-She comes over late one night upset about a guy she was just with
-We have a very intimate/intense moment and we kiss but she pushes me away
-She tells me why she can't be with me, again "cause I like you too much"
-Adds that she can't be involved sexually with me cause she knows she would become "obsessed with me" and "wouldn't be able to stop thinking about me" apparently she had these feelings for me when we first got together which is why she broke it off
-I have a hard time believing that she really likes me that much and want to make sure she's not just full of shit trying to let me down easy.
-She is genuine when I question her about it,
-She is afraid of love and passion due to past experiences. So she just has sexual relationships with guys she doesn't like because they are easy to forget, and that I'm something more to her.
-I tell her how stupid her logic is in great detail and that I feel sorry for her cause she doesn't allow herself to be happy
-She's shocked and becomes visibly upset
-She stays with me the whole night
-We cradle each other, I've cuddled with female friends before but this is different, very intense as we stroke each other
-Don't have sex but she acts like a different person the whole night after that moment...

I'm asking did I just get a bullshit explanation from this girl? Or does she really like me so much that she's afraid of really getting close to me like that?

[broseidon1225]

Or did I just hit a whooole new level of Friendzone....

[broseidon1225]

lol, I really do think the length is justified if you read it but I posted an over-simplified version in the thread. Check it out and let me know what you think.

[steviej]

I read the full version and have to say despite how you feel about her she is sucking you in with subconscious manipulation.

Her life sounds like a total car wreck and she is as nuts as a bag of cats.

All that crap in her past about rape, abortion, f#cking guys she doesn't really like....sound like a balanced girl to you?

Girls like that give you massive highs and lows in a relationship, its very destructive, when its good it really is great but they cannot help but massively go off the rails and bring it all crashing down for you to then run round trying to fix it all.

Thing is even knowing this won't dissuade you one bit from going there, lol.
So, the best advice i can give in this situation is do NOT be a doormat for her, don't allow yourself to be her emotional punching bag and don't take any of her sh#t, if you're weak mentally you'll be chewed up by a person like this.

[broseidon1225]

Thanks Steviej,
I'm def not a fan of her manipulative nature, It feels like she threw a hook in my chest last night. It's pretty obvious that she is more in love with building an over-dramatic and complex situation with me than actually being with me. It seems like her real draw to me is that she can mess with me like that. I'm getting what you're saying about being chewed up by her if I'm weak mentally. I've seen her do it to guys and heard about others.

But that's probably why she busted out the big guns with me. I regularly challenge her about her behavior when I think it's worth bringing up. Even little things like asking me for a beer when she comes over, I grill her about why she doesn't have her own when she knows we are gonna drink, To her idiotic stance on her sex life.

That is probably the reason she continues to come back to me, She's not used to guys challenging her and so when I do she feels like she's inferior and must compensate someway.

It's likely that she told me what she feels about me in order to become closer and more in control. She knows that if I think I have a shot with her I'll probably let her get away with whatever she wants.

Since I wrote this post I've become more resentful than infatuated with her. I think I'm gonna have to "break-up" our friendship mess thing.

It's not fair for me to be in a relationship with all the complaining and drama and bullshit but no sex. I have a few girls that I am best friends with but I accepted that we were platonic because I thought they were exceptional people beyond gender.
This girl just seems to be ****ing with me cause she can, she knew I still wanted her this whole time, so she can say whatever she wants to me and it will stick with me.
The fact that I'm so bothered by what she said is the really the problem I'm having.

She already knows (supposedly) that she wants to be with me, told me that we would love each other too much, so it wouldn't work.
Now I can't get her out of my ****ing head, we did connect on another level that night, but it doesn't feel right. Now I know when I see her again that I'll be jealous when she's talking to other guys, I def can't see her in the same way I saw her even2 days ago. She threw a hook it my chest and chained it to her. It's bullshit how much she got to me, and whether she intended to or not is now another thing I'm gonna brood over.
Worst part is, that even if I put every last bit of energy I have into getting her I still don't know if it's EVER gonna happen!
Ugh, she ****ing got me...evil broad...

[Cerby]

She already knows (supposedly) that she wants to be with me, told me that we would love each other too much, so it wouldn't work.

This is some f*cked up shit right here. You seem like you have a pretty good head on your shoulders Broseidon, but this reason for not being with you is one of the worst I've ever heard. Who wants to be only friends because they like someone too much? Even if the reason is legit, it shows how screwed up her head is to not want to go ahead with it. In this case, you're right, time to end this little "friendship" because if she likes you too much, and you want to be with her and she says no, then this is not a real friendship by any definition.

[smackie9]

She a crazy bitch, drama queen, nut job, fruit loop, low self esteem, insecure, loony tune, etc. She is unstable psychologically, run the f uck away.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Cut this girl off. Tell her if she wants a relationship then come talk to you, otherwise get lost. Ignore the bitch.

[VincenzoG91]

Good news: You aren't in the dreaded Friend Zone.

Bad news: She has serious issues, and you can't solve them. You should know this, but you're too focused on taking the crazy discount on a girl who might normally be a bit out of your league. Of course you will deny that she's out of your league, but why else would you be trying so hard to be with such a painfully difficult woman? You bury yourself into the details of every damaged interaction with her so that you won't look at the big picture and see the monumental waste of time that you are engaged in.

Bottom line: She has been through some traumatic situations and is no longer relationship material until she gets some serious therapy. You won't accept that, but it's true and you need to move on.

[broseidon1225]

Holy shit dude what a slap in the face...in a good way...sort of...
I appreciate the bluntness and you are correct about a few things. But you either didn't read my second post or just make bold claims and assume you're right all the time so here's some more info.
It's seriously not that she's out of my league (seriously) It's that she actually made me CARE about her.
I don't know how it affected me so much, but I seriously didn't give a shit about her and her life before last night.
It's the weirdest thing, I didn't care about her at all when I asked her out initially a year ago, I thought she (MISOGYNISTIC WARNING) was just a good piece of ass that had a decent sense of humor.
Usually I am able to de-humanize women in my mind by categorizing them by their attractiveness and physical assets, so I refer to them in demeaning terms in my head which breaks any possibility for me to get emotional towards them unless we truly connect on so many levels I can't help not loving them (Twice so far in my life). I do have standards Vincenzo, and you can't just tell me I'm feasting on weakness to grab some "top shelf bootay" that I can't normally attain, she's not the hottest girl I've been with and definitely not the coolest.

Which is why this is bothering me so much.

When I told her to **** off a year ago I was totally fine with never seeing her again. I couldn't care less about her emotions or her sex life or anything...I just didn't see her as an important person in my life. Even 2 days ago I still really didn't care that much about anything she did, or who she was ****ing. But now, out of nowhere I wake up and I'm thinking about her constantly. It feels like she left a huge part of herself with me, and just knowing how she refuses to open up to anyone just makes it feel that much deeper. She told me she was more comfortable with me than anyone else she knows...
I don't know how she managed to do it so well but she actually got me to feel for her. Just thinking about her ****ing dudes she doesn't care about boils me up...when I used to not care at all.

Idk man it's a weird yet powerful feeling, but it pisses me off too cause now all I'm thinking about this mess of a girl, who I know I shouldn't waste my time on...but for some reason, I'm getting all these very real emotions when she crosses my mind...and this NEVER happened before.

Seriously it's like some witchcraft or something...Ugh...that bitch...