My Girlfriend Is Jealous of a Platonic Friend

[Bigguy]

I want to get the reaction of the girls here. I'm a musician and I've been trying to put a band together around a girl singer. We get together slow days at work to practice. We like each other but nothing sexual/romantic is going on. My live in GF has given me the ultimatum, her or the singer. She claims to trust me and says she can "feel" that there's nothing between me and the singer but still...

She has single guy friends she talks to on the phone btw. I wouldn't think to tell her to break it off with them. She says it's different, I fail to see how. I think I'm in a battle for my individual freedom here, do I bend to my GF's will or exert my independence and what are my chances of keeping our relationship together?

[Cbrider]

You would be a fool to change anything if its just a platonic friendship. Part of being in a relationship is trust, and this is probably the most common insecurity that undermines so many relationships.

She has no grounds or right to be handing out an ultimatum. I would explain this to her and leave the ball in her court. If she leaves, fine, you can do better. If she stays, hopefully she can start to overcome her insecurities.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Ultimatums are generally made by insecure or just weak people. I'd be willing to bet that if she does leave you over it, she will come right back. I know it's easy for me to bet your relationship on this, but what do you really have to lose...an insecure, control freak?

[bluesummer]

The thing that catches my eye here is "we like each other but there's nothing sexual/romantic going on". Does that mean there could be something going on IF you had no gf? Think about that. Is is truly platonic, or is there any type of lingering attraction in any way?

I'm only saying this because I can't tell you how many times friends of mine have hooked up that were 'just friends' initially. Denied their attraction, and refused to see it for what it was for a really long time.

If you can honestly say there's no attraction, then you need to stand your ground and not give in to your gfs ultimatum. You have the right to have friends of the opposite sex, just as she does. I don't get what she means by there being a "difference". Any girl who tells you that you can't have female friends is jealous and insecure, and you need to seriously consider if that's something you're willing to put up with in the long run.

[German_coco]

F that!!! if she gives you a choice that determines your the future of your hobby/work/lifestyle then leave her and let her be. She is probably just looking for a reason to break up with you. Seems like she has trust issues and her " friends" may be a bit more then that. She is not worth it if she makes such a big deal out of that

[Bigguy]

The thing that catches my eye here is "we like each other but there's nothing sexual/romantic going on".

We do like eachother. You don't always like the people you play with so it's a plus. She is attractive. We have a good rapport. Were my GF not around I still don't think anything would happen between us for a number of reasons. My GF showed up one day, we were working on vocal harmonies, maybe we sounded a little good. GF did not look pleased and after that came the ultimatum. My GF is not musical, she doesn't even seem to like music much. It's clear to me she's jealous of us sharing something she can't. I tried paying her a lot of attention that evening. GF had to go away that weekend so I made it a point to not see the singer though we had initially planned to hit an open mic night.
I am committed to my GF, we live together, we're trying to have a child together. Or were trying. The argument we had yesterday has me doubting the wisdom of that. Things got ugly on her part. She said things that can't be unsaid that will stand between us forever. She seems happy to have gotten it off her chest, I'm sad and stressed. I wrote her a counter-ultimatum letter today but don't know if I should give it to her. I'm not young or sexy, I could wind up very alone.

[IndiReloaded]

Until you posted that last, I thought your GF was being unreasonably jealous.

But, it does sound like she is sensing something that perhaps you don't see. I can understand this friend of yours being part of a musical group. But, going out together to an open mic? Just the two of you?

That's a big red flag. There is definitely something you are missing with your GF that you are looking for in this other gal.

I think, to protect your relationship, you need to keep your interactions with this other gal at a 'group only' level. Going out alone is a no-no. Your GF has a right to be concerned.

[Mish]

We do like eachother. You don't always like the people you play with so it's a plus. She is attractive.

Would you be all over her if you didn't have a gf?

[Bigguy]

I can understand this friend of yours being part of a musical group. But, going out together to an open mic? Just the two of you?

That's a big red flag. There is definitely something you are missing with your GF that you are looking for in this other gal.

I think, to protect your relationship, you need to keep your interactions with this other gal at a 'group only' level. Going out alone is a no-no. Your GF has a right to be concerned.

Well the two of us is what we got. I invited the GF to come with us. She refused then got called away for the weekend. Deftly realizing the obvious here, I called off the outing.

Would you be all over her if you didn't have a gf?

If my GF were not in the picture, maybe. But just maybe.
But I have a GF I've been making a life with and I am in fact rather loyal to her. Long term, I don't think there could be anything there with the singer

[IndiReloaded]

Just you and the singer? Get more people in your band. Can't you give your GF a pair of sticks to thwack together? Or a tambourine?

Seriously, tho. I wouldn't put my partner up against a band that isn't more than an hobbie at this point. Especially when the hobbie is a person of the opposite sex who I find attractive. I mean, you might be okay w/things, but what if she starts falling for YOU?

Too much drama for... what again?

[Bigguy]

Just thought I'd let you all know how this dished out. My GF explained herself a bit better instead of just getting hysterical. It seems there were some catty comments and looks made by the singer to my GF which really earned her enmity. This I can understand. I don't like throwing away months of work with a good singer but I can understand the intolerable position this put GF in.

Much thanks to everyone who responded and to love forum for giving me an outlet to at least vent my churning emotions.

[Mish]

Just thought I'd let you all know how this dished out. My GF explained herself a bit better instead of just getting hysterical. It seems there were some catty comments and looks made by the singer to my GF which really earned her enmity. This I can understand. I don't like throwing away months of work with a good singer but I can understand the intolerable position this put GF in.

I suggest you put yourself in your gf's shoes and look at the situation from her perspective. What if your partner worked with an attractive guy who she would consider dating if she was single who made some questionable comments and looks at you? How would that make you feel and what would you do about it? Then make a fair decision on what to do with the singer accordingly.