Totally confused: need input plz

[Spidey]

Hi all,

This is in reference to the following thread if you have the time and patience to read through it (WARNING:LONG!): w[w]w.loveforum.net/broken-hearts-forum/20389-i-dont-understand.html

Anyway long story short I was in a long distance thing and it ended. We ended it on the 1st of Dec, but after that I tried getting things to work and it didn't work out. So it's been exactly 3 weeks since I've had any contact with her.

I am in a complete state of confusion. I know I should be totally mad at her for the way she ended it. When I think about the way she treated me I do feel very angry. However when that subsides, I know I still love her.

I feel very empty and the thing is I knew I couldn't be friends with her so I cut off 3 weeks ago. She apparently did the same as she deleted some stuff online that indicated as much.

She's always been quite tempestuous and to an extent that's what part of the attraction has been for me.

Anyway I've gone the "right" route by trying to be around friends, getting rid of any memories of her, hanging around other girls, pursuing my hobbies more avidly etc. etc. None of it has any effect. Every idle moment during the day a thought creeps into my mind about her and after 15-20 mins I catch myself drifting away and force myself to snap out of it.

Maybe it's been too little time, but my feelings have not subsided an iota. I'm now sitting here thinking I want to re-establish contact. When I rationalise it I tell myself "No, it's over, don't contact her". But then I start to think "Why do I have to be rational?". Then I wonder if she's thinking about me. Whether even if it's only 1% of what I'm going through, she's thinking about what I'm doing.

Then I get sucked into thinking I should probably contact her to find out. I should ask her "Do you think about me?" If she answers "No" then no problem, I have my answer and a bit more closure. But will that give me closure? And what if she answers "Yes"? I am in no position to be with her right now. Can I afford to just be friends with her? How can I deal with her moving on with another guy? Should it bother me, or should I suck it up and move on myself? Then I also start feeling that if I don't contact her now, then nothing will ever happen as our paths will only continue to diverge further and further from this point onwards.

I keep going around in circles and the only thing keeping me from contacting her now is not wanting to be in a situation where I am going to be hurting even more. She hasn't contacted me in 3 weeks. Should that be enough of a hint to me? Should I not want to be the one to extend an olive branch?

Until a couple of days ago I was adamant that she should disappear from my life forever. That I never want contact with her again and that I would forget her and move on. I've been telling myself that over and over for the last 3 weeks and the only thing I've achieved with that is getting myself very depressed.

I don't know what to think anymore.

Do I extend an olive branch? Do I send her a simple email saying "Hi, how are you doing?". Or will that only make me feel worse?

Please help. I don't think I've been more confused in my life.

Thanks,

Spidey

[lilcupid]

If I were you I would leave it alone. Long distance relationships rarely work for one basic reason ..they are long distance. Even if she tells you she misses you chances of this happening again are very high. I know she is your first "true love" but you will keep hurting yourself over and over again until you let go and move on. Believe me, one day you will meet the right person for you.

[Spidey]

If I were you I would leave it alone. Long distance relationships rarely work for one basic reason ..they are long distance. Even if she tells you she misses you chances of this happening again are very high. I know she is your first "true love" but you will keep hurting yourself over and over again until you let go and move on. Believe me, one day you will meet the right person for you.

Damn, this is really hard. I can't help thinking that the way it ended was all due to artificial circumstances. I can't help wondering how things would have gone had there been no distance. It's a thought that is running through my head almost every spare moment of the day and it's driving me nuts. I just want her to contact me; to re-establish contact but I know in my heart that she won't and accepting that is turning out to be the hardest thing I've ever done.

I know there are other fish in the sea and I know if things were meant to be they wouldn't have ended but I don't want to accept it. Hmmmmmmm......

But yea, since the situation between us i.e. the distance has not changed, I have nothing to gain from getting myself into a relationship with her again. I can see that as a cold hard fact of reality, but that's exactly what it is: cold and hard.

Spidey