Fiancee is self-conscious about her performance in the bedroom...

[gastoff]

I really hope someone out there can help me figure out what to do, because I've been scouring the internet and cannot find any answers.

Nothing is better for my usually floundering ego than knowing that I can please my woman everytime we have sex, the only problem is when she gets depressed that the opposite is not true. She feels that because I don't orgasm everytime we have sex, that she must be doing something wrong, is inadequate, or not arrousing to me. She has said things like "How would you feel if I only orgasmed 20% of the time like it is with you?" or "Im sorry Im not better at this..." and other rediculous things.

From what research I have done on possible medical explanations, I do not believe I am suffering from Delayed Ejaculation Syndrome, as there are many times when I achieve orgasm quite often with my partner (within 15 min), though they are not the norm (couple hours). Nor do I feel that she is doing anything wrong, since everything she does feels absoutely amazing it just doesn't cause me to orgasm; there is no lack of sensation as is common with DES.

How do I make her understand that she is not inadequate? She says she wants to "take care of my needs" and "I want you to feel how I feel when you touch me". For a long time I was secretly happy that I was able to last so long and give my fiancee 15+ orgasms a session, but now, all I want to do is show her that I AM arroused by her, that what she does feels absolutely AMAZING, and she shouldn't be upset when I dont orgasm. (something she said was brought to mind just now: she said under her breath once while we were talking about it "I dont want it to just feel great, I want it to feel orgasmic...)

ANY advice from other females out there on the subject would be appreciated...Im at my wits end trying to figure out what I can do to change the situation.

[Gigabitch]

What you do is get your ass to a doctor, and quick. Show her that you have something medical going on and back it up with evidence.

[Lite]

Look, there are a lot of guys who do not last long enough to please their partner, and there are guys who don't get off easily from oral sex, and there are guys who don't get off easily from vaginal penetration, and there are guys who just take a while to get there.

Do you find yourself mentally distracted during sex? Is your attention wandering a bit from the act to worrying about work/school/whatever? Perhaps to reassure her you should point out that you're obviously still erect, and that were she unable to interest you sexually this would not be the case.

Pretty much it's a, "It's not you, it's just how I am." issue that will keep coming up in your life. I have difficulty reaching orgasm from oral. I've been with some amazingly skilled women, and you know, even after warning them up front they start to develop complexes about it.

The thing is, when you tell a woman that you have difficulty achieving x during y activity they take it as a personal challenge to prove that they're capable of getting you to do it. If they fail, it's disappointing to them, and they get discouraged.

If it is a mental component have you tried finding ways to block out distractions? IE: blindfolds, restraints, music that you find deliberately erotic (as opposed to romantic...) that give you items to focus on and block out distractions? Since you said fiance I'm assuming you're old enough to be able to go procure such items.

Have her tie you to the bed, blindfold you, put headphones on your ears, and ride you like the pony express. See if that makes a difference...

[AirbenderAang]

She should be happy. It sounds like you are happy. That should be enough. Buy her a book about Tantric sex. It sounds like you practice sexual enlightenment.

[sarah_rsl]

I've been with two previous men that had that problem and there are ways around it, with both men the sex just went in a different (though not unpleasant) direction

Anywho if you don't mind me asking for more information, Can you ejaculate when you masturbate? is it just vaginal sex thats not stimulating you enough?

It's not good for anybodies ego when they don't see their partner being satisfied in bed, if I was you I'd make it a priority to sort it out.