Boyfriend gave his number to another girl

[lemondrop]

So a few days ago I found out that my boyfriend (of 4 years) has been facebook-messaging a girl that he met when he was at a shop were a friend of his works. I didn't think anything of it when he added her, as it is just something he usually does. But because he seemed to be quite absent the past days, I decided to ask what was going on. As the girl from the shop was pretty much his type, I kind of had a hinch that something might be going on..
At first he lied to me but then he eventually showed me the 3000+ fb-messages that they exchanged over the course of the last 5 or 6 days (talking about personal stuff too, like how many sex partners they had etc.). She was flirting heavily and even though he told her had a gf that he loves, she didn't seem to be bothered by that..quite on the contrary. They eventually exchanged phone numbers and also e-mail adresses.. he pretty much encouraged her behavior. They decided to meet a club, that he usually goes to with his guys, last weekend. And even though that never happened, I can't help but to ask myself if he was about to seriously cheat on me. He claims he just wanted to talk to her and nothing more, but honestly: do you really need to give out your personal phone number when you're in a relationship and exchange that many messages on the internet? I'm pretty certain their little fling would have continued on forever if I hadn't found out. I'm just hella pissed and don't know what to do about the situation. He broke my trust and I eventually told him 2 days ago, that I needed some time on my own to think the relationship through. He begged me to forgive him, as he knows what he has done was wrong and just 'too much', but I don't know if I can 'forget' about this.

How would you react if sth. like this happened to you? What do you think about giving out your number while in a relationship? Any help would be appreciated!

[VincenzoG91]

For all practical purposes, your relationship with him is already over. You can keep going through the motions for a while if you want, but he clearly doesn't respect you or really care much anymore. Even if you exaggerated the number of messages by a factor of 10, that's still a lot of messages in a short period of time. It's unlikely that he was thinking about you at all during all that texting. He's almost ready to move on, but is clinging to the relationship until he has the next one lined up.

[lemondrop]

The sad thing is, i didn't exaggerate the number at all (facebook shows you how many messages have been exchanged between 2 people). And yes, this lack of respect is what gets me most. I really love him and until this happened I was so sure those feelings were reciprocated.

[Cerby]

Leave him and keep your pride, because it sounds like he might be the one to leave you, or at the very least cheat on you, soon enough.

[smackie9]

How would you react if sth. like this happened to you? What do you think about giving out your number while in a relationship? Any help would be appreciated!

He is already cheating on you. Even tho he isn't having sex with this girl, he is having an emotional affair and it is no different. I agree with VincezoG91, that your relationship is already over. He won't end it because he is a coward. I would show him the door.

[Wakeup]

I just don't get it. Why would anyone want to stay with someone that is giving their attention and emotions to someone other than them? I can't even imagine how lonely it would be to be in a one sided relationship.

[jacklogan333]

I agree. I wouldn't exchange 3000 fb messages with someone if I woulndn't be very interested in that person. Moreover, if he gave his phone to her, that must have happened because they were arranging some date. I don't like to left any person without any hopes, but this time I see clear signs that he is about to break your relationship up. If you want some advice, It would be to get some help on how to overcome a break up or, in case you want a cheating man back in your life, there are ways to attract a person back to you, but I wouldn't advise you to try to get him back in your life, he is not worth the effort.

[Saya]

If your bf is really committed to you and loves you then he wouldn't give out his number. Exchanging 3000 msgs is ALOT! He have to be interested in her or he wouldn't exchange that many msgs to her.

[gardenofjade]

Tell him buh bye. You deserve better.

[smackie9]

lemondrop I'm so sorry that you are in this situation. If you were not in shock and disbelief you wouldn't be here asking for advice. Everyone here states the obvious, but it's not to you because his begging for forgiveness is pulling you one way and his deceitful behavior is pulling you the other, and it must be so confusing for you. Your heart is telling you to maybe give him the benefit of a doubt, but how can you get past this? It's a tough one because of the intensity of their communication between them, and how far he has gotten himself involved with her. This girl is not the reason he has dipped off your radar, but it's his lack of fulfillment in your relationship and it has been going on for sometime. To some people they can still love their partner, but seek out that "thrill or excitement" with someone else thinking it's only temporary and tell them it won't go as far as having sex but it's a "friendship". It's total denial, and it's heartbreaking when the reality of it finally sets in. He is hurt for what he did to you, he is scared, and confused....he is pulled in two directions too. He does love you, but this girl sweeps him off his feet. I'm not saying you should feel sorry for him, no way. He needs to know what is a stake here, and how seriously close he is to losing you.

Some people do get past infidelity in their relationship, and for you that will be determined by having lots of honest conversations with him. It's easy for us to say "break up with him", but I can see how you are struggling with this. Take your time, look over this, talk to a few close friends and take it from there. Keep us updated if you can. There are lots of good people here that can guide you if you decide to work this out with him. Best of luck.

[VincenzoG91]

If he literally exchanged 3,000 messages with her in less than a week, that's crazy. Obsessive-compulsive. Were there any previous signs of mental problems in this guy? Or has he just recently lost his damn mind?

[JosieCorcoran]

Found out today that my boyfriend gave his number too my mate, and they have been talking for a few day's behind my back, I can't trust him again, and i don't think i can again..I haven't said anything to him yet because i don't know how i'm gonna tell him, but it's not right to give your number out while you're in a relationship that's basically cheating, if your boyfriend doe's this then he obvisiously doesn't love you as much as he say's he does's.

I'd give it some time before you told him what your answer is, should let him feel the pain that he put you through, i'm a forgiving person but when it comes to something like this I can't forgive anyone, and if it's with your mate aswell then that's harder because you have to lose two people you "did" love.







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So a few days ago I found out that my boyfriend (of 4 years) has been facebook-messaging a girl that he met when he was at a shop were a friend of his works. I didn't think anything of it when he added her, as it is just something he usually does. But because he seemed to be quite absent the past days, I decided to ask what was going on. As the girl from the shop was pretty much his type, I kind of had a hinch that something might be going on..
At first he lied to me but then he eventually showed me the 3000+ fb-messages that they exchanged over the course of the last 5 or 6 days (talking about personal stuff too, like how many sex partners they had etc.). She was flirting heavily and even though he told her had a gf that he loves, she didn't seem to be bothered by that..quite on the contrary. They eventually exchanged phone numbers and also e-mail adresses.. he pretty much encouraged her behavior. They decided to meet a club, that he usually goes to with his guys, last weekend. And even though that never happened, I can't help but to ask myself if he was about to seriously cheat on me. He claims he just wanted to talk to her and nothing more, but honestly: do you really need to give out your personal phone number when you're in a relationship and exchange that many messages on the internet? I'm pretty certain their little fling would have continued on forever if I hadn't found out. I'm just hella pissed and don't know what to do about the situation. He broke my trust and I eventually told him 2 days ago, that I needed some time on my own to think the relationship through. He begged me to forgive him, as he knows what he has done was wrong and just 'too much', but I don't know if I can 'forget' about this.

How would you react if sth. like this happened to you? What do you think about giving out your number while in a relationship? Any help would be appreciated!

[smackie9]

Sorry but this is an old thread so there is no reason to submit advice.