Guy needing advice on sex

[Morzane09]

Well, i guess it all starts with me being a virgin and she not being a virgin, which i am totally ok with. The problem is that in her past relationship (the only other love of her life besides me) kind of forced her into sex. He could argue that she wanted it, but she only really want it to make him happy if that makes sense.

During this forced into sex period she had, sex no longer gave her any pleasure, she did not enjoy it, and actually began to hurt her. She would feel pain anytime they have sexual contact, but she sucked it up for him. Obviously this kinda ruined the whole relationship, and now she is with me.

Now, me being a virgin, im fine with her not being one and all that jazz, but i obviously have some needs. We have been dating for about half a year and both love each other (more then she loved the previous guy, guess i treat her better). We have talked about everything under the sun and sex has come up, but she is now mega nervous for sex because she doesnt want the pain to ruin this. She wants to enjoy it, and wants to want it.

I guess question time now, how can she get over this pain? Is it just something that will be there forever? or if i give her time and let her make sure she is ready on her own terms before we do it? I think the pain came from her not wanting it and being forced into it, so if she wants it just as much and i dont push or anything, should that solve the issue?

[Spring Haze]

She was likely in pain because she did not enjoy sex with him, and therefore wasn't aroused. If she desires sex with you, then chances are she will be turned on. Keep lube handy.

The fact that she anticipates pain is troubling. She needs to come to terms with what happened in the past, and not allow it to impact her current relationship.

[ocelot2]

I was in the same exact situation that you are in. My girlfriend just ended her abusive relationship and she had sex with him only twice and she hated it. She felt really dirty about it because he'd grunt, swear, and he hurt her a lot.
I think the pain come from just not being in the moment 100%. I'd advise to just be your self and act naturally; start with cuddling, experiment with touching her (anywhere, not down there, save that for last ) and then slowly take her's and your clothes off. It's just something your have to do and learn from your self. It's suppose to feel good naturally.

We had sex a month into our relationship on "accident". We just like feeling each others skin and one new article of clothing kept coming off each day. It was a slippery slope.

Oh and reading romance novels help, that kind of sexual experience is popular in those novels and the sex in them might help you get some ideas.

[imagineallthe]

Yeah, you should not stress about it. Cuddle with her, suggest you two just take it slow and lay in bed together and just make out for hours and hours, let her touch you where she wants and feel your way with her body. Don't go down on her in any way until she gives a clear signal. If you keep this going, she'll eventually realise it's completely safe in the end. I've been where she is... you really just need to make her feel safe and absolutely no pressure what so ever. Kiss her often, hold around her, spoon..all those small things=) she'll warm up to you. You already seem like a great boyfriend to her and her needs, so I'm sure this will work itself out =)

[chainsma]

Your already on the right track I think. Ocelot2 offers great advice. I don't think you need to worry; the pain was him, not just having sex. If you keep easing her into it she'll get more and more comfortable. When you do start to get close to whichever sexual acts cause her discomfort; just make sure shes okay and seeing you care ,theoretically, should help her enjoy it

[Morzane09]

Thanks guys, it's reassuring to know that i'm doing what i should be doing. And i have no plans on rushing into it or pressuring her, so should be all good.

[smackie9]

You have to understand this is mental pain, like her being raped. It may take a very long time for her to get over this pain. Just be supportive and have open communication with her. She needs to trust again. Maybe you could start with just doing oral on her a few times to get her comfortable with it again. Virgin or not, you have to learn to satisfy her sooner or later.