Just Asked a Friend for Something More

[jumbalaya]

Okay, ive been close friends with a girl for about 2 years. i guess over the past 3-4 months my feelings have been leaning more along the lines of starting a relationship. i have no idea how she feels about me. i know she always enjoys going out bc i always surprise her. she trusts me a lot. i wanted to ask her out in person, but shes been really busy with family stuff...so i wrote her an email c i grew a bit anxious waiting. i did that on april 1st, and me being a practical joker, the timing could not have been worse. i was very clear in the message, and i stressed that i dont care to know why she would or would not be interested in adding a new layer to the relationship...bc in actuality it doesnt matter. im not trying to convince her, if she thinks it might work, fine...if not, thats okay, too.

my dilemma is that i havent heard from her since then. i know she read the message. i called her yesterday just to see how she was bc she has a lot going on, and i left a message. keep in mind that it is not out of the norm for her to go without returning calls, shes very forgetful. but im curious, i made it clear that she doesnt have to worry about saying the right thing as far as hurting my feeling, etc. so do u think shes debating whether to say yes or no, and wouldnt it be kind of obvious?

i mean if someone asked me out, i wouldnt think about for 3 days. i would already kinda know if i would be interested. safe to say that i am very anxious. were supposed to hang out mon night...but im very curious as to what may be going through her head!

[corinthian]

i mean if someone asked me out, i wouldnt think about for 3 days. i would already kinda know if i would be interested. safe to say that i am very anxious. were supposed to hang out mon night...but im very curious as to what may be going through her head!

I agree and the omens do not look good. But why ask her on April Fool's Day? That is just crazy.

I have no idea what is going through her head but, unless it is something to do with wanting to go out with you, it is all pretty academic, isn't it.

[jumbalaya]

well i ddnt realize until after the fact...but its cool in a sense bc im known to be a nonconformist...so it makes sense for me to be serious on the one day ppl tend to not be serious. but im not so sure wut u mean about it being academic.

[carl1222]

She's probably pissed at you for making light (April Fool's joke) of so serious a matter.

Carl.

[alovehangoverr]

Hmmm.. a number of things could be going through her head. She might not be interested and isn't sure how to tell you [it doesn't really matter how many reassurances you gave her that it would be fine, I'm sure she'd still feel bad about it] or she is interested but is trying to decide if risking the friendship is worth it.

We can't really tell you what any of it means.

My personal opinion? The longer it takes for her to get back to you.. isn't a good sign. If it were me and my best guy friend told me he wanted to take it to the next level with me and I didn't feel the same.. well.. I'd have to do some avoiding for a bit.

Advice? Give it a couple more days.. then bring it up to her and ask for an answer. I get that she's busy and forgetful.. but those are just excuses. You know she read the email, you know she heard your message, you know she's probably made a decision.. she's just not telling you. My guess is that unless you bring it up and ask for a response, you might not get one for a while.

[corinthian]

well i ddnt realize until after the fact...but its cool in a sense bc im known to be a nonconformist...so it makes sense for me to be serious on the one day ppl tend to not be serious. but im not so sure wut u mean about it being academic.

I can see what you mean about being nonconformist but, on the other hand, you need to be very clear about these things, otherwise you can cause a lot of confusion.

By "academic", I just mean that it doesn't really matter what she is thinking. I suppose it might be interesting to know but really the only important thing is whether she wants to take things further with you.

[jumbalaya]

yea ur probably right, i guess my main question was whether or not the wait was good or bad. im not sure she would be worried about hurting my feelings, im not a very emotional type of person and she knows this. its not like im madly in love with her. i just thought itll be a good match. i know some of her concerns will be my age, im 27, she just turned 31. shes interested in having kids soon. she has had a 11 year relationship and just got out of a 5 year one this past summer. i know she likes me a lot as far as being compatible. but ive never shown her anything to suggest any interest in her besides as friends, so it may have been somewhat of a shock. actually i am sure it was.

anyway, ill find out soon enough. ill probably give her a call later.

thanx for ur insights!

[jumbalaya]

She's probably pissed at you for making light (April Fool's joke) of so serious a matter.

Carl.

it wasnt intentional...and i dnt think she would get mad...we know each other very well, so she can handle my humor...its just that in hindsight i realize that it wasnt good timing based on my always joking attitude.

but i made it clear that i was serious.

[jumbalaya]

i tried calling and she's not accepting incoming calls...i tried from my work phone just to double check if shes avoiding me, and same message came up. so i guess that can explain the hesitation...hopefully! she has been unemployed for close to two years cuz shes been caring for her grandma, so maybe the bills have been catching up to her.

but still, im hoping for a definitive answer soon.

[jumbalaya]

she emailed me and this were her response...doesnt sound good.

'I'm not avoiding u nor having to give u a response I just need some time to get my thoughts together. I'm complicated as you already know so my answers are never simple, I could easily give you a yes or no but it wouldn't be enough for me. I will give you call as soon as I get some other stuff in order (like my cell).'