Is it possible for open relationships to work?

[rooby86]

My bf is sexually adventurous and experienced, I'm more of a prude. I enjoy sex, but have never had a threesome or done anything overly kinky. We use toys, role play, and put videos online.

My bf is interested in watching me have sex with someone else. I've considered it before but never acted on it. The idea sounds appealing, but I don't know if actually doing it is a good idea. My bf doesn't get jealous and says that he doesn't see me as his "property." He knows I'm not comfortable with the idea of him being with someone else, so that's not a topic that's even brought up. He states that he's not interested in other women, it's the thought of watching another man have sex with his gf that turns him on. I have had bf's in the past who were very interested in this idea also, but I was never ok with the idea. Now, I feel like my bf and I have a healthy,trusting relationship. I just don't know if it's possible. I don't know where to start, how to create or discuss boundaries... i don't know. If you have done this before, what are you're experiences? For the record, we are both happy, healthy adults who live together and hope/expect to be together for the long haul.


Also, I've never been on this site before, I'm just trying to find advice. If this is in the wrong area or is considered inappropriate, I apologize and I would appreciate being pointed in the right direction.

[katyk]

I have recently - through a friend - been made aware of a polyamorous society which she finds suits her! Curious to know I asked how it works - apparently you can have a 'main' partner but you can also have numerous other partners, all with the partners consent (apparently secrecy is a big no no). It seems to work for her and her partner and everyone else they are involved with.

However, humans being human it only takes one person to become jealous and the whole game of cards collapses! You have said, your bf isn't jealous but would you be? At the moment he only wants you to perform. If he did, would you object? Also, what would happen if you fell for someone else? What would he do if you turned him down in favour of someone else? It gets mighty complicated because woman especially form romantic bonds with their sexual partners more so than men. No matter what you start off saying, how DO you draw boundaries when feelings come into play?

Your reservations, in my estimation, are totally justified. You just never know where the boundaries are!

Take care

[pcmaster]

Well people says it ruins the relationship.

[katyk]

Sorry you said you WOULDN'T like it if your bf had sex with someone else. BUT if you were, that is probably going to be the next step and how could you object? You could say I am doing what YOU want but why do what he wants if if doesn't sit comfortably with you? No, don't go there hon. Apart from everything else, You will be messing with your head big time!

[michelle23]

It sounds like your really not compatible and that this has little chance of working long term. You say hes done things that you never have and has had multiple partners.. he doesn't see sex as an emotional thing only to be shared between two people who care about each other but you are the opposite which does not in any way make you a "prude". Don't put yourself down-it just means you are more inclined towards monogamy and value trust and committment and those things are not important to him.

Neither of you are right or wrong but you are both very different so the chances of success here are slim. I think you both deserve someone who you share the same values, beliefs and goals as

[Wakeup]

I have recently - through a friend - been made aware of a polyamorous society which she finds suits her! Curious to know I asked how it works - apparently you can have a 'main' partner but you can also have numerous other partners, all with the partners consent (apparently secrecy is a big no no). It seems to work for her and her partner and everyone else they are involved with.

However, humans being human it only takes one person to become jealous and the whole game of cards collapses!

This is incorrect. If you actually researched it you'd know that as humans, they (they being people in poly unions) DO indeed get jealous but they channel that jealousy into passion for their primary partner. Look up "compersion in polyamory" and you'll see what I'm talking about.

You have said, your bf isn't jealous but would you be? At the moment he only wants you to perform. If he did, would you object? Also, what would happen if you fell for someone else?

If they keep their shinanigans to one-offs or rotate who they are going to have for a third then she will not have the opportunity to bond and therefore will not "fall in love." If they want to be in a true polyamorous relationship then falling in love with him would be encouraged and Op's partner would "love" him just as much so it's important that Op know her b/f's motives and his expectations as well as forming rules that both would adhere to if they are to go through with this.

What would he do if you turned him down in favour of someone else?

Why would this even need to be asked? If she turns him down for someone else then the relationship would be over because SHE deemed it.

It gets mighty complicated because woman especially form romantic bonds with their sexual partners more so than men.

Yes but if she doesn't see them enough to get attached then that's not going to be an issue.

No matter what you start off saying, how DO you draw boundaries when feelings come into play?

you're assuming they will.

Your reservations, in my estimation, are totally justified. You just never know where the boundaries are!

What reservations? She's asking for advice about how it works so she's not shut the idea down in the least. As for the boundaries... those are what they MUST form and both agree to before they do anything.

Take care[/QUOTE]

[katyk]

Wakeup - I am thrilled and flattered that you find my posts so fascinating you decide to pick at them bit by bit , however, as this isn't a debate board you may wish to address the original poster as these are MY observations for her and she can take what she wants out of it and ignore the rest! I stand by what I said rooby.

[lovebroken]

If this was me and my BF wanted this I would first think well he doesn't love me because no man wants to see his GF, wife with another man, not about being someones property is about loving someone to me. He shouldn't ask if he knows you are not that way, don't do it if it isn't who you are, it is a fantasy of his not yours.