"Normal" for a woman to have only guy friends?

[natedawg101]

Hello. First post here....


I am 28/male. I am dating a 22 year old female. She lives about 1 hour away. Even still I don't see her often.

She seems very interested in me. She calls me several times a day. We probably talk about 3 hours a day via phone.

I met her on Yahoo Messenger.

My girl seems to have many guy friends.. many more than girl friends and I am curious if lots of girls have mostly guy friends. ( I have never dated anyone else who had almost 100% guy friends. )

It has been my experience that most guys have a hard time ONLY being friends with a woman. And it seems to me that several of these "friends" my girl hangs out with and calls, ect are after more that friendship but it doesn't seem to bother her. It is my opinion that almost every new guy she meets becomes a new friend ( someone she can trust enough to hang out with ). She refers to all of them as " My friend So-in-so" But from seeing how often some of these friends want to hang out with her I think they are after more.

One "friend" named "C" visited her last week. He is coming to see her again this weekend and wants her to go to a family reunuion with him in mid September. She said he told her it is so he doesn't go alone.

She called me and said "Don't be mad" first thing. I asked why was I gonna be mad. She told me "C" wanted her to go to the reunion and she already told "C" she will go. ( By the way she will have to be there like 2 days so she will stay the night up there both nights. )

So I really didn't know what to say. I told her I was a bit worried about her going for a couple days. Of course she told me not to worry. She said "C" knows he can't have her. She never elaborated on that.


I thought it was odd.

He lives farther away than me and it seems like he sees her more than I do.

And then again.... I tend to over worry about stuff. I think she meets new guys on the net or on the Singles chat line ( telephone ) and they call and talk to her ( or chat on the net ) and almost immediatly they are a "friend" . Nothing wrong with that I guess.. except I think they are always after something more.

Its just weird to me.. to call her and she says " Oh I am over at my friends house." She never tells me the name. If I ask she will tell me. I don't want to seem like a jerk. I don't mind her having guy friends. I just never dated anyone with all guy friends. ( As far as I know she has 1 friend that is a girl ). These guys call her night and day though. She told me once about this friend "G" she was watching TV at his house. Then later I found out he is 50 years old. 50!!!!!! She met him August 4th (I think) and a week later she was hanging out at his house. She doesn't like him at all anymore. He was a jerk. A "dirty old man". But it freaked me out that she just met him and she went over to watch TV with him. Is that strange or it it me?

She seems to trust anyone she meets online or on the phone chat after only a few days.. She is 22. She said this "G" didn't tell her he was 50 till she met him.

"G" the 50 year old... Turns out he wanted her to see him so he could get her to move in. He told her he wanted to have sex with her to see if she was good and if she was she could move in he wanted to find another woman to move in also... to be a sex slave.... Yep.. that is what he wanted. "G" just thought of "K" ( my girlfriend ) as a blow up doll with a job. That is what I thought. I am glad she doesn't go see him anymore.

But there are several guys that seem to call her all the time.

If I say something about worrying about her she shrugs it off. "He is a friend" Like I said I get the idea the first day she meets a new guy if that chat ( or phone call ) goes well she considers them a friend and they start calling her daily. As a matter of fact this guy "C" that came to see her last week and is coming back tomorrow and who has the family reunion... I'd bet money she hasn't know him as long as she has known me. Hell I bet she met him less than a week before he came to see her. That is how it seems to me. She meets someone, they are instantly a friend and so they have an invatation to come see her anytime.


There is a girl I chat with on Yahoo sometimes that I was telling this to and she said most her friends are guys cuz she doesn't trust girls. "K" told me pretty much the same thing . Friends that are girls will end up stabbing her in the back.

So I am unsure what to do or say. I don't mind her having friends. Even guy friends. But I think these guys ( some of them ) want more than friendship.. Like "G".

But she just shruggs it off like I said.


So is it strange for a woman to have nearly 100% male friends? And is it just me or does she become friends with new guys way too quickly?

Is it a sign of low self esteem?

I really like this girl and I want continue our relationship.

But something about this is bugging me.

[luvyun]

nate, i wouldn't say it's not possible to have only guy friends as close friends... for some girls, it's just that they get along more with guys than gals.
it's just the way they think.
nate, i'll just put it short, she likes you, she ensures you that that guy "C" is just a friend, it's up to you to trust her.
if you don't, let her know... if you consider this a potential relationship, then you guys need to talk about it, not just doubting and suspecting.
if you are assuming that she's fooling around and such, den it's still your choice if you want an explaination from her.

communication is the best way to solve the problem.
maybe it's low self-esteem, maybe she's just friendly, no harm to ask. JUST ASK her... in a nice way of cos.

[canuhearmenow]

Your fears are warranted and they are not as well. While you may trust your g/f, we are talking guys here. You are a guy and you know how men think what they want.

I’m 21 and 90% of my friends are women. I like to talk, I’m more open then most guys so in a nutshell I think that is why I get along better w/ women then men as my friends. My g/f just left for college again and is a few hours away. She gets concerned sometimes (jealous) when I hang out w/ my friends. What I do to reassure her is I tell her what we do, where we go, etc without her even asking... she knows what is going on in my life. I also try and help her get to know them…. After all…. They are my friends…. So maybe try and see if you can chat online or what not--- tell your g/f you want to get to know some of her friends… that way you will have less of “what-if’s” going threw your head.

The thing with the 50 yr. old guys is freaky. A smart girl would be more careful then she has been. Personally I don’t trust guys (even being one myself).

Tell her how you feel. You sound insecure about this--- you cannot trust her cus you cannot trust other guys. It’s logical and if she understands you about this when you tell her… great… if not… move on if it bothers you. That is all I can say.

Remember jealousy is the fear of losing someone we care about. It is healthy and keeps you on your toes, but don’t let it consume you either… in this situation… you really need to keep on your toes no matter how much you trust her. After all, you are some ways away from her.

[natedawg101]

I talk to her so often since I rarely get to see her. For medical reasons I do not drive. So in order to see her I have to get a ride up to the city where she is or she has to come here. And her car is a clunker. She hates taking it anywhere.

If anyone is wondering.. YES we have met in person and yes we have been alone. I first met her in person 1 week after meeting her on the net. No sex. Just hanging out. I have not seen her in person for awhile.


She hasn't told me she loves me or anything but she tells me I am very special to her. She calls me first when she has a fight with her mom or something. I know she is interested in me since she calls me every day. ( Usually a few times a day. )

Well ... I mean why else would you call someone that much? I am not forcing her to call me. She calls me to update me on what is going on with her family. She calls me on her 15 minute break at work. She calls me on her 30 minute lunch break. She calls me "hunny".

Calling me "Hunny" is a definate way to let me know she is interested in me. Either that or she is an evil person ( hehe) playing me.

But I am a full time student ( again), I have almost no money right now. She knows all this. She isn't getting anything from me by making me believe she has feelings for me. The most I have done for her is she was outta money one day a week or so ago while she was in between jobs... she was hungry. So I called the pizza place there and placed an order with my debit card and told them she would pick it up. So I bought her supper. And I wasn't even there.. Hehe. We talked about how to let the pizza place let me order and pay via phone and let her pick it up. I told them a fib. I told them I was in onme car and my girlfriend is in another and I had the card so I wanted to pay anf she would pick it up. She did not have any problem with me referring to her as my girlfriend. A few days ago she was calling places looking for an apartment. She had a whole list of #s to call. So I called a few for her. She said " Just tell them your woman is looking for a new place." I told her " I didn't know I owned you".... She obviously is interested or wants me to think she is.

Its not like I am rich and she is trying to get my money. This is why I believe she is interested in me.


This thing with this guy "C" is gonna drive me crazy. She told me today he wants her to go see his parents with him tomorrow. He lives 2.5 hours from her. So he wants to pick "K" up, go see his parents, drive "K" home and drive back home. That is 10 hours of driving for him.

And why does he want to do all this? The family reunion/campout that is in a few weeks...She told me his parents want to meet this person he wants to take with him to the reunion/campout before they say its ok for her to go.

So I told her today that it seems odd for a guy to ask a girl to go meet his parents ( and lets not forget the approx 10 hours of driving it will cost him ) unless he is interested in her. And I don't ever remember hearing of a girl agreeing to meet the parents unless they were dating.

She said " "C" and I are only friends" She said it in a tone of voice like I didn't believe her when she told me that before or something. So I told her I do trust her.. I don't trust guys. She said " I don't know what else to say... don't be mad its only for 1 day"


So she is going to meet "C's" parents tomorrow and then ( if all goes well tomorrow ) going camping with them in a couple weeks.

She swears all these guys are only "friends" and she knows I have feelings for her. I told her point blank. I wanted to see if it would scare her.. or if it would bother her at all.... It doesn't seem to phase her.


And she knows I notice when she calls me "honey".

I don't want to accuse her of anything.. I have no proof she is lying to me. I feel bad even writing that. I am not sure if I think she is lying about "C" or not. I don't want to accuse her then find out it was exactly like she says it is.


Still Confused............

[canuhearmenow]

How long has she known “C” ?? If it has been less than a month I would say it is VERY weird. Not to freak you out, but her taking 10+ hours of her time to drive up w/ only him and have her meet his parents before a family reunion is pushing it really. If the parents want to meet her and say hi or just simply talk to her, there is such a thing as a phone call.

Is anyone any one else she knows going on this camping trip too? To me it really sounds like there is more going on here.

[natedawg101]

She said he wants her to go so he doesnt have to go alone. Weird... Even if he drives to this reunion alone his parents will be there. He won't be alone there.

She said it was just a family thing for "C".

But see here is the odd thing.

Say she wants to go away with "C" tomorrow to do something else. Hell lets say they are gonna go have hot sex all day...

Ok... If she was gonna go do anything she doesn't want me to know about why tell me about "C" at all??????

She could tell me her mom is taking her shopping all day.. or something... I am sure it wouldn't be THAT hard to think of an excuse. Something I wouldn't think twice about.

That is messing with my head. Why tell me she is going with "C" tomorrow and why tell me about this campout/reunion unless it is exactly what she says it is???????

Its gets stranger and stranger.

[canuhearmenow]

I do not know the tone she uses or how she talks about “C”--- but women have a tendency to want to show off (includes blabbing) about a guy. It tends to make them feel special.

Your logic is right though. The only thing I can think of is find some way u can show up when u know they are getting together somewhere and surprise her and she how “C” and her act. My ex g/f was a really “good friend” with a guy she talked to me about a lot. She ended up cheating on me with him after over 2 years. They started by going out just the two of them doing all these things and since I was a hour or so away from where she lived, she was lonely…. So she got someone one step away. Just don’t let yourself get hurt or let things drag on inside of you.

Man I’m a downer today… sorry about that. I’m not you so I don’t know everything, hear everything and feel what you feel. It is up to you. Good luck.

[natedawg101]

She does not talk much about "C" at all. Just to tell me that she is going with him tomorrow and wants to go to this reunion.

He came and saw her last week ( I think I mentioned that in the original post ) she freely told me they went and hung out at her moms house then went to the river fow awhile..

But she didn't really tell me much about "C" at all.

Once she told me some friend called. I don't remember the name.. I'll call him "Z". So Z called and asked her to come hang out with her. She freely told me she has had sex with the guy but now they are friends only. So she said she told me this so I would know but told me not to worry... They are only Friends now.

She freely tells me all kinds of things about guys she dated, ect... stuff I would not think she would want me to know if I were a casual friend.

She even tells me about the "friends" who have admitted to hwer they would love to have sex with her. Either she makes it up or she tells me because she wants me to know.

She makes it sound like she tells me because it is my right to know. I told her what ( or who ) she did before we started seeing each other is not my business. I didn't even know her then.

She talks to me like any other girlfriend ( in the early stage of a relationship ). She tells me all kinds of personal stuff.. stuff about friends, family, ect. It seems like a regular beginning of a relationship.

Except we don't see each other often and she has all these other "friends" who want her to hang out with them all the time.

[des21]

I'm a women and I've never had any close girlfriends. All my good friends are male. And you are right it's difficult for men to maintain a platonic relationship with a women. For the most part the women has to set the tone. I also was in a relationship with a guy an hour away and he was a bit disturbed by relationship with one of my very good male friends but he soon realized he had nothing to worry about. It's up to your girlfriend to put you at ease, perhaps introducing you guys may help.

As for visiting guys online so soon that I would worry about. Is there some way you could make her aware of the dangers in this? I say support her penchant for having male friends but definately speak up about her visiting practical strangers.