How do you learn to trust again?

[punk345]

Well I recently got dumped by my girlfriend. She said she wasn't ready for something serious because it was scaring her. The odd thing is, she's the one who wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend, she's the one that told me she loved me and she's the one who started making plans for the future. So basically I got led on.

Lately I've been noticing she has hasn't been saying that she loves me anymore after we talk and she was withdrawing. So I basically said if you want to break up, do it now rather then later when it'll be worse. Then she gave me the old lets be friends bit. I basically told her it was immpossible to go back to being friends when you love someone and want to be with them so we aren't talking anymore.

The wierd thing is I checked out her livejournal today and she had a post saying that she's "a little sad but she'll get over it" which I don't get. How can you tell someone you love them and then just be a little sad when you are never going to speak to them again.

Well back to the title of this post. The girlfriend before her cheated on me, and it took me 6 months to even date again and try to trust. I tried hard and I did well but now I'm back at square one because I fell for someone's lies again. This makes me think all girls no matter what they say will just screw me over in the end. I know thats not true but I can't help feeling that way. How do I get rid of that?

[Junket]

No idea man, but what I do know is that I'm in the mood for some chicken.

[middleman]

Do you see a pattern in the way your relationships go bust? If so maybe run some "diagnostics" on yourself (lots of good self help books out there) to see what strengths and weaknesses you have with relationship issues. If you haven't had many break-ups, if the 2 you mention are it, then that is no trend and maybe is just plain s8!t bad luck. Your learning dude, that's all. If nothing else, I've found time heals, or at least scars over most wounds so you can move on. Make sure you like the guy looking back at you in the mirror and you're on the way. Don't be too hard on yourself when things go wrong either! This is life and some pain, or even a lot of it, is just part of the gig. Our ancestors survived worse, so we have it in our genes to survive most anything! Persevere!

[OpticalIllusion]

I know how you feel man. I've got some serious trust issues, since i've been hurt in the past. But part of loving someone is allowing the opprotunity to break your heart, but trusting them not to. I had a hard time opening up to my current girlfriend. But once I did, she amazed me with how compasionate she could be. Sometimes you've got to let go of your fears... As hard as that may be.

[punk345]

Thanks for the information about the chicken Frasbee. Those aren't my first two relationships middleman I'm 21 and have been dating for a while. The whole cheating thing really threw me off, I was pretty confident before that and was good with trust. I'm at the point where I just feel like I should just go for sex though. Then there is no way I can get hurt. I have good female friends so they can and pretty much do fulfill my need for female companionship. I am just completly jaded on realtionships though as stupid as it sounds. I know you have to go through a ton of bad to find the one good person but it just doens't seem like a fair trade for me.

[ReluctantAngel]

Well I recently got dumped by my girlfriend. She said she wasn't ready for something serious because it was scaring her. The odd thing is, she's the one who wanted to be boyfriend/girlfriend, she's the one that told me she loved me and she's the one who started making plans for the future. So basically I got led on.

Lately I've been noticing she has hasn't been saying that she loves me anymore after we talk and she was withdrawing. So I basically said if you want to break up, do it now rather then later when it'll be worse. Then she gave me the old lets be friends bit. I basically told her it was immpossible to go back to being friends when you love someone and want to be with them so we aren't talking anymore.

The wierd thing is I checked out her livejournal today and she had a post saying that she's "a little sad but she'll get over it" which I don't get. How can you tell someone you love them and then just be a little sad when you are never going to speak to them again.

Well back to the title of this post. The girlfriend before her cheated on me, and it took me 6 months to even date again and try to trust. I tried hard and I did well but now I'm back at square one because I fell for someone's lies again. This makes me think all girls no matter what they say will just screw me over in the end. I know thats not true but I can't help feeling that way. How do I get rid of that?

This one sounds like a cheater, too. Not trying to be heart-breaking but the behaviour is familiar. I recommend working on you, so that you feel so good about yourself, and LIKE and LOVE yourself, that in your head there is no possible reason for anyone to cheat on you. If you're already at that point, avoid chicks with issues. They're better in bed, mostly, but they can't commit to compatible people.

[punk345]

Well I really don't think she was cheating (she's just completly emotionally bankrupt, more so then I ever thought someone could be), even when she pulled away we were spending all of our free time together. And I've spoken to her again today and asked that, she denied it even though I had made it clear that we weren't going to talk again or see eachother again after the conversation. She didn't really have anything to lose then. She repeated the offer to still be friends but I said no again. O btw chicks without issues exist? where do i find them lol.

[imokurnot]

This one sounds like a cheater, too. Not trying to be heart-breaking but the behaviour is familiar. I recommend working on you, so that you feel so good about yourself, and LIKE and LOVE yourself, that in your head there is no possible reason for anyone to cheat on you. If you're already at that point, avoid chicks with issues. They're better in bed, mostly, but they can't commit to compatible people.

You are so right it isn't funny. It seems like this would be so easy to figure out and ordinary everyday logic. But for whatever reason i get with the same girls the original poster meets. Girls with issues but the sex life is so good I don't leave them. But I will try to look at their issues berfore I get headlong into someone next time.

[Jenrick285]

Lots of girls out there
It's like riding a bike, just get back on and try again.
Just remember though... Not all girls cheat (same with guys) even if you had a bad run... Don't generalize and don't assume anything... Always give someone you meet new the benefit of the doubt...

And I think everyone has issues, some just have more than others, and some just tend to pratice theirs to a form of art~