The best way to proceed with an ex

[befuddleddude]

Hi,

I've been broken up from my long time girlfriend for about 13 months now. She broke up with me for two reasons. One, was that I was seemingly unwilling to commit, which I'll admit was partially right. And two, I spent too much time on my school work and too little time paying attention to her, which was absolutely the truth. The breakup hurt both of us deeply. I realized the wrong of my ways immediately following the breakup, and kind of overwhelmed her with my remorse, and she got really sick of it. It was not a pretty. That said, things have been quite turbulent/volatile over the course of the last year. There have been several occasions in which she's insinuated that she wanted me back, which unfortunately I didn't capitalize on. There have also been occasions in which she's said that she wants absolutely nothing to do with me ever again. Just as a miniature example, I called her in November and she said "it's been 9 months, move on already, I don't even want to be friends." In January we met up and she said that she could see us being together in the future. In the middle of January she called and wanted to be friends (didn't she just say that she didn't want to be friends??) Now she's again saying that it's been a year already and that I need to move on. And when she told me this she still sounded as angry as she did on the day she and I broke up.

Now, I'd like to understand what she's thinking, so any advice on this front would be helpful.

Also, whenever I contact her she gets upset because I'm trying to "take more from her" and I've already taken so much already. I assume she means her time in this instance. Yet, when she contacts me without me first contacting her she's not angry, and in fact she seems quite happy to talk to me. Now, she's going graduating from school in a few months and living close to me once again, so I'd like to keep contact with her and keep things as civil as possible between her and I until then, but I don't want to upset her. How can I best accomplish this? Any advice would be quite valuable.

Thank you!

[caligirl23]

It sounds like she doesn't know what she wants which can be very dangerous because feelings get hurt and in your case, I think it would be you. I would tell her exactly what you want "I want to work on getting back together" if that is what you want. If she is not receptive, leave it at that. No further questions asked. Walk away. You do not want to be this girl's friend. I promise. Her saying she doesn't want to even be friends can have two meanings 1.) She wants more than just friends or 2.) She want nothing at all to do with you. I know it seems confusing and how can it be one or the other, but it is. So, you tell her what you want and she either gives it or doesn't. If she sounds angry this time, leave it alone and move on

[Boisdevie]

She's pissed off with you then she's not. Do you really want to date a loony that does stuff like this? I'd run a ****ing mile in the other direction. But you might be a real saddo that just won't ****ing let go. In the real world you should forget her and think about getting it on with other women. Ones who aren't loonies.