Am I being jealous or what?

[blacksparrow360]

I'm in a distance relationship with my girlfriend as she lives in Atlanta and I live on the other side of state. But anyways she has quite a few male friends I guess you could say and she seems to make them very easily which is easily understandable b/c she is fairly attractive. I for one know that these guys don't flock to her to just be friends b/c being a guy myself I know how the male brain works but she seems intent on always giving them a shot at friendship until they eventually show what they want. I have recently told her that I don't like her hanging with guys b/c of this and knowing that the vast majority of them do not only want friendship and she said okay but I was just curious is this is me being jealous or do I have a legit reason for feeling this way towards them.

[MerryH]

You have a legit reason for feeling that way towards them, yes. But you have no right to tell her she can't hang out with male friends. So what if they like her? It's not as if she suddenly has no say in the matter and has to start dating them. It's up to her. You just have to trust that she'll make the right choices.

[blacksparrow360]

I understand that, there was this one friend in particular that she used to hang with a lot earlier on. She knew him before me and had a slight history with this guy but things didn't work out and they became friends afterwards. She would hang with him like once a week and considering I figured they were good friends I said nothing, but always felt a little weird considering a guy she has had history with would be in her appt watching movies on her bed and the like. I continued to let that go on, but eventually he dropped the ball saying he still liked her and was tired of her treating him like a little girl friend and whatnot and cursing at her. At this point I stepped in and told her that I don't want her hanging around him anymore and I guess since then i've been a little weird towards her hanging with other guys. Its mainly the newer ones she just meets that I don't particularly care for to be in her company.

[MerryH]

At this point I stepped in and told her that I don't want her hanging around him anymore

You should probably stop telling her what to do. You can ask, or suggest, or tell her how it makes you feel, but you still have to let her make her own decisions.

[blacksparrow360]

Well I didn't exactly tell her, I did say that I don't want her to hang with him anymore but thats different from me saying, "You aren't gonna hang with him anymore". I did express how I felt and she responded in a way that would make me happy I guess you could say b/c she doesn't want me feeling uncomfortable. It wasn't that difficult a decision though considering that he hurt her after saying all of that which is why I voiced my opinion at that time saying she didn't need people like that in her life.

Thing is after this she told me afterwards that if something like that is bothering me at all I should tell her upfront than let it sit, and that kind of made me feel like I was being jealous b/c I would start telling her minor things that would bother me and that could literally range from anything. She told me that this shows her I care and actually doesn't bother her as much as I may be imagining it to. I guess thing is I care about her so much that I want to correct anything that may be wrong in relationship before it gets a chance to go downhill.

[Kaius]

Ok heres the thing... If she wanted to be with other men, there is nothing you can do.
Shes not married to you....she is fair game. If she thinks you sre her man, those other fellows dont stand a chance.
They will be rejected. They would only stick around if they just want to be friends, which is very likely.
You can be jealous, but dont take it out on her because she did nothing wrong. Understand that she is a free woman and can date whomever she chooses to. You keep your woman by treating her with respect and loving her. When some dude try to get with another man's girl, there is no love. It's a primal ego booster. Women can see that right away. That's why its sooo hard to steal a really good woman. If you think your girl is respectable and decent, guys around her dont have a chance.