His apparent low sex drive, help!!

[syrett]

Hi There!

Can you help?

My boyfriend is 25 and im 21, we have been together for a year this month and although sex isnt everything, his sex drive is lower then mine!

I live nearly 40 miles awa from him and see him a day during the week and most weekends, which is fine. But i would expect his sex drive to be higher then it is as we have sex about once a week - taking into consideration we see each other about 3 days a week.

When we started out we would have sex a few times a week, sometimes x2 a day, but its beginning to get me down a bit and grumpy if im refused sex.

I have tried dressing sexy, to which he sayd he is too tired or just ignores the situation, usually if i start trying to get him aroused he can easily just turn it off.

Im really stuck on how to get things moving again! as all my other guy mates cant believe he is like this and can get me upset!

thanks xx

[syrett]

we have sex about once a week - taking into consideration we see each other about 3 days a week.

[syrett]

yea, he is the kind of guy who is 25 but apparently does not want to be , he wants to be younger and sometimes acts younger, most people think he is 19 when they meet him!

He has been stressed with college, his new job as a qualified electrition working in the air force and has gone up north for a 2 week training course, and not very well due to wisdom teeth.

His mum, who i am very friendly with says he is stressed with this and i should just play it cool for a while, which is fine but annoying as i think its me some of the time.

I have or course got annoyed as i wont refuse him sex but he has refused me and if im horny most men would jump at the chance, i read in a magazine "even if we are asleep, men are always ready for sex" im not sure how to conquor the situation.

[syrett]

or come to some sort of compramise,

[syrett]

yea, its just frustrating as id expect him to be a bit more horny, having not seeing me all the time, i dunno.

I have tried talking to him about it but i get "i was tired" or the subject quickly changed.

My friends seem to think i am too good for him and he jokes about how other ladies fancy him and stuff etc, also mentioned a 3some when we met and now lol ,

[Ellynn]

Stress can lower your sex drive. Trust me, I know.

But, maybe he enjoys other things with you other then just sex. I mean you see each other 3 times a week and it happens maybe once a week. That sounds about right. I remember dating my ex and seeing him maybe 3 times a week and it only happened once a week.

The thing that matters though is how YOU feel about this. If its not enough, then maybe you guys really AREN'T sexually compatiable.

Keep in mind, when its new its more thrilling. I know my ex and I would go at it every chance we got once we started having sex. Then as the time went by, it was less and less....down to once a week. There was even a time in there where we went 3 weeks without. But, it just made the next time we had it even better. But, yeah it does suck to be turned down. But, with his stressful schedule, I wouldn't take it personally.

Now, its basically up to you whether you can live with it once a week. IF you can't then I would suggest finding someone else. If you can, then hang in there.

[Gigabitch]

I was just talking to a friend of mine on the phone who said that she and her husband are still at it like they just met, and they've been together for seventeen years.

In my opinion, there's no way this situation is likely to improve. You either decide it's not that important to you or you ditch him for someone who wants you bad. He's out there.

[syrett]

Stress can lower your sex drive. Trust me, I know.

But, maybe he enjoys other things with you other then just sex. I mean you see each other 3 times a week and it happens maybe once a week. That sounds about right. I remember dating my ex and seeing him maybe 3 times a week and it only happened once a week.

The thing that matters though is how YOU feel about this. If its not enough, then maybe you guys really AREN'T sexually compatiable.

Keep in mind, when its new its more thrilling. I know my ex and I would go at it every chance we got once we started having sex. Then as the time went by, it was less and less....down to once a week. There was even a time in there where we went 3 weeks without. But, it just made the next time we had it even better. But, yeah it does suck to be turned down. But, with his stressful schedule, I wouldn't take it personally.

Now, its basically up to you whether you can live with it once a week. IF you can't then I would suggest finding someone else. If you can, then hang in there.

yea, i understand, to me sex is important, but not the bee all and end all! i dont mind not getting sex like all the time but when we do have it the sex is good.

Im not going to break up with him as there are many things i really like about him etc and we do get on well.

One problem i find is although the sex is great, at times he is a bit, not touchy feely with me and of course, a girl has needs! he used to do everything with me but recently its more just a quick feel, then sex.

I think im just going to have to wait untill he gets back from his course, settles down at work and go from there as i know he has been stressed.

His last girlfriend broke up with him as she though he was getting sex else where!! which was not true, but i guess its just his sex drive!

[syrett]

he dosent see it as a problem, its nice he is not with me just for sex! but i dont think a professional would help, i care alot about him and id find it silly as im not getting loads and loads of sex.

Im gonna wait and see how things go after his course and when hes not as stressed.

[Gribble]

Sex once a week isn't enough? Ouch. I feel for him. But it's your life and if that's what you want I guarantee there's a guy out there for you. If you're particularly fond of this one perhaps you should express just how important sex is to you and see if some kind of compromise can't be reached.

You said he's in college and he got a new job. Sounds like he has quite a bit on his plate. Is it a matter of sleep? I can say from personal experience that no matter how wonderful he finds you, he's going to eventually have to choose between all-night romps or his own sanity.

[syrett]

Sex once a week isn't enough? Ouch. I feel for him. But it's your life and if that's what you want I guarantee there's a guy out there for you. If you're particularly fond of this one perhaps you should express just how important sex is to you and see if some kind of compromise can't be reached.

You said he's in college and he got a new job. Sounds like he has quite a bit on his plate. Is it a matter of sleep? I can say from personal experience that no matter how wonderful he finds you, he's going to eventually have to choose between all-night romps or his own sanity.

I sort of understand what you mean, he works 8am-4.30pm but has to get up at 6am to drive 40 miles to his job, then every tuesday and thursday evenings he has college, not to mention all the training for his job and courses etc.

He does say he is tired and has not been well lately with a face like a hamster due to his wisdom teeth.

I have spoken to him about things like this and he said he was tired.

Think ill wait till he is a bit more settled in his job and not so stresssed being away at this course etc and go from there. xxx

thanks

[syrett]

From a deep-as-a-puddle guy: I was with a girl that started wanting it way more than me...it's cause I didn't really want to be around her anymore. You could try telling him, "If you won't provide it, I'll look somewhere else." If he really cares, this statement should get through to him...if he needs an explanation, say "I'll always love you, baby, I'll just look for play somewhere else." This is assuming he actually still enjoys your company...Were it me, and if I were indeed not enjoying your company or anything you provide, I would politely encourage you to pursue your proposed course of action.

oh he enjoys the company, he always hugging me, spending time with me, kssing me and messing about.

His ex broke up with him as she though he was getting it else where, but i care about him too much to do that, sex is a niggleing factor but not a vastly huge one, just some insight is nice to hear from other people.