ex girlfriend, feelings? what should I do? READ please!

[scray7]

Ok, sit back and get ready for this story. I'll try to make it as brief as possible.
Ok, Last summer (July 2002) I am hanging out with my friend one night. We go to a friends house which was not planned. 2 girls are there. Gina and Lisa. Gina's house by the way. Ok, Lisa is supposed to be for me, my friend is not going after anyone. Gina is engaged and also only 17, been with the same guy for over 3 years. Anyway, Gina and I hit it off and are flirting the whole night, stayed up until 5:30 in the morning just chillin talking.

Anyway, we both click and things get started. She asks my friend John about me, I ask John about her, etc... We started hanging out alot, but her boyfriend doesn't know anything. They were having problems at the time. She breaks up with him briefly, we hook up. Then she is juggling both of us. 2 months go by and he still doesn't know. I'm patient, hoping she will tell him. I'm very romantic with her, treat her like an angel.
We're in September now. We talk about sex alot but nothing has happened even close to it. We finally have sex. It happens over the course of the next 3-4 weeks. Not so much, but we have our moments. I'm starting to really fall for this girl and maybe in love. She is still very close with the bf/ex whatever it is they have. So its hard to move forward. The day finally comes...

She calls me up and tells me that she told her bf she did something horrible, over the phone mind you. I go to see her at the place she works at, b/c I was going there for physical therapy at the time. I'm in my car waiting to go in, and the bf comes around the corner, sees me in my car and and I put down my window. I am not scared, because I'm much bigger. He wants to know whats going on. I told him to just come in the car and talk. So there we are, me and him. He asks me questions, mostly about sex. Wants to know whats going on. I told him I shouldn't say anything. He starts telling me that they are back together and have had sex recently. I didn't know what to believe. I started getting very upset, and told him the truth. I TOLD HIM EVERYTHING. I felt like I was being played. I figured she was doing the same to both of us. Why does she deserve anyone? I was thinking clearly at the time and said stuff I shouldn't have. Anyway, he goes back to talk to her. I wait a little longer. Its time for my appointment. I go around the corner to the office and she is outside with him, hysterical. She's flipping out at me. So I'm yelling back at her. Keep in mind, I have never really lost my cool. I'm pretty calm and I was just so hurt by what I heard. Everything just blew up!

The boyfriend called my best friend, who he knows. My best friend didn't like that Gina was messing around with 2 guys. He told her bf and gave him more details than she wanted him to know. It wasn't John's business to say anything, but he was kind of in the middle of it. So she hates him now. Couple days go by, get a couple phone calls from her. She's yelling at me and doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I'm the bad guy in her eyes. Even though she messed up. She said she didn't have sex with him. That he just played with my head. So am I the bad guy? Anyway, I'll fastforward....

10 months go by. We're now in August 2003 (last month) I talked to her on AIM a couple times briefly, but really not much. I IMed her and asked her how she was doing. We chatted a little. She told me she saw me at the movies with a girl. I was seeing some girl, but she was no Gina. It wasn't serious at all really.

Anyway, a week or so later, SHE IMS ME. She tells me that she had a dream about me. I was shocked. Anyway, we start talking on the phone. SHE IS NOT WITH HER EX ANYMORE!!! Engagement is off! Its been over for a month or so at that time. Nothing to do with me. But.. he still lives with her. He was having issues with his parents, so he moved in earlier in the year. Now his parents are moving and she is trying to get him to leave. They are still good friends, but she can't stand him. She also had sex with someone else already after they broke up, so I know its over for good. He almost hit her she said, also stole a friends number out of her cell phone after they broke up. He doesn't trust her at all after what she did to him. So as you can see its a big mess. We hung out last week. Hooked up, kissed, nothing big. But she wants to keep it a secret. She doesn't want to deal with this with him. I don't see her much really. Weekdays she has school and work all day. So that only leaves time for the weekend, but she still won't make time. We don't talk all the time, like we used to. WE could talk forever, hours and hours, no problem. I want to know if I should be putting myself in this position again. Is it worth it? We always wondered what it would be like with each other if the ex wasn't in the picture. She told me that the ex asked her if she would ever go out with me again, and she said YES. She said we didn't break up because we had problems, we broke up because she wanted to make it work with her ex. So I am starting to get feelings for her again, but its hard because I don't see her alot. This has only just started, but I want to make it work. I'm cool with her being busy and all, but I don't want to be sneaking around or whatever you call it. This time, hopefully I'll have her full attention, unlike before. Thats why I'm so excited about it. Last summer was so much fun, this time it will be better I think. What do you think? Should I play hard to get and make myself less available? Its a soap opera, I'll tell ya. Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks. Sorry it was so long.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

So much drama. Anyway, if you wanna know if she's worth it I say no. If she can be with someone for 3-4 years and be engaged to them and yet cheat on them with you, do you really believe she would remain faithful to you? Or for that matter do you think she even knows how to maintain love for someone? If she just becomes infatuated then she'll just be with you until she believes you've done something to piss you off so you'll have a tiff and she'll go looking for someone else to make her feel better. It's a cycle I've seen first hand and I know you're either taking my words seriously or you're thinking, "no, gina's different, she's not like that." If you're quick to protect her and closed off to even entertaining this idea then you yourself may be infatuated which only leads in heartbreak. Ok, now that all my pessimism is out your decision is what matters. I've just piled up everything that could be bad and disasterous about trying to be with her. Take a minute, a whole minute and think about it, judge the good with the bad. Just open your eyes to both sides and your answer should be clear. I'm not here to say it's never going to work, I'm just saying after such a complicated situation the worst thing to do would be to rush in. Take your time and deliberate your answer amongst yourself and good luck. Keep us updated.

[scray7]

Ok, well it's been over a week since we have talked. I'm being strong. Screw her if she doesn't want to call me. I figure if she wants to hang out, she will call me.

Anyway, to clear up some confusion. I did contradict myself saying she can't stand him but is still good friends with him. They are best friends still I think and will always remain friends as logn as he is close by. She loves him, but isn't IN LOVE with him anymore. They have alot of history and she can't let go so easily. She can't stand him, meaning she is thru with him and is doing her best to prove that to him (ie, staying out late, not going out with him, no physical anything) The way she talked about him, I believe her.

So based on what I've heard from people, its seems harder and harder to trust her. She is very manipulative and deceiving at times, but I honestly believe she has a good heart. She's just going through some changes and I am trying to understand that. But I'm not gonna sit around forever. I just want to hang out with her, thats all. I don't want a relationship until she is ready and the ex is out. She says she feels bad for him, so who knows when he will leave. It is messed up, but thats what happens with your first love of almost 4 years. It bothers me, but right now I am not with her, so it doesn't concern me. What concerns me, is she was so excited about seeing me again, and now I'm non existent to her. No calls, nothing. I'm playing this game better than her, I just wish she would stop playing.

She isn't a slut by any means and by the way, I just turned 23 and she is 18. She is very mature in most aspects, so the age thing doesn't bother me. No other girls are in the picture, so maybe thats why I'm sweating this. I just think its dick of her to act like this. I want her to realize whats she's missing but that doesn't seem to be important to her right now. Should I call and give in? Where do I go from here? Do you think she respects the fact that I'm giving her space and being understanding of how busy she is.. or do you think she is just thinking "screw him" if he doesn't want to call. I don't want her to get away, but I also don't want to come off like I'm not interested. The old me would do anything for her. Now I'm just being cool and maybe she doesn't like that side of me. I really don't need this, but I'm fine with it for now. What to do from here is the question...

[jane]

Way too much drama, I think you know what her issues are. She like the attention. Do you really think she is going to be faithful to u? Do you really wantt to put yourself throught all that?

[Velcrez]

Sounds Like maybe she has no idea what she wants. Be carful she could just be rebounding from her previous relationship. Other than that, I agree with Jane.

[FratBoy177]

My advice, hook up with her friend Lisa. Then act all nonchalant like it's no big deal cause you too are just friends and stop calling her. If she actually has feelings for you, this will drive her nuts. If not, well then at least your bangin another girl.

[Zekk_T_Strife]

Sounds childish.

[jane]

LOL sounds hystarical!!