Depressed Fiance

[elcee]

Hi, I'm not really sure where to start or what I am actually asking advice on but here goes.

Me and my partner have been together for 3 years, we have a house that we have been in for a year and a half. We are getting married end of this year. I have always said I want kids and although my partner didn't want any he said he would have them for me in a couple of years. I told him straight away if he wants to be with me kids have to happen as it's very important to me. He would prefer not to have them and lets me know regularly although every now and then he throws something into the conversation like 'well WHEN we have kids...' So he must be open to the idea. This is just one of the things I'm mentioning in case its this that's making him depressed I'm not sure if this is the case.

The main reason I think he is upset is due to work. I know this is stressful for everyone but he is getting so down about it that its affecting me and our relationship. He is so angry all the time and for the first half hour when he gets home I don't speak to him, I give him a hug and then he goes into the bedroom lays on the bed and just stares out at nothing. I am trying so hard to be positive and to make him see the good things in life that when he does this it brings me down and then we bounce of each other and end up falling out.

He has been too stress classes which have not helped at all. His favourite song is 'everyone else in an ' and he plays it over and over its like he thinks every person out there is evil and horrible. He jokes all the time about the world being better if people were not in it. As well as having a stressful day at work he is always complaining about bad drivers on the way home. He cant seem to see good in people. Sorry if I'm rambling i just don't know how to explain this so I'm going with whatever comes to my head first.

He went travelling for 6 months when we were first together and I thought he would of loved it but even that he was moaning about the people he was with the whole time. He has always said to me how he doesn't want to live in this country but I have told him that i cant leave my family. I am very close to them and as he is not close to his he doesn't understand how I feel this way. I feel like I'm holding him back, I'm keeping him in this country, making him have kids which in turn is making him stay in this job as it is good money but he hates it. I have told him this is how i feel and he assures me it isn't like that at all as he says he loves me and if I am here then so is he but I cant help thinking that if he didn't meet me would he be happy now somewhere else and not be getting like this.

With his job he said he would love to be a writer and he has written a short story and is writing a bigger story at the moment, well he was last year but he hasn't done it for ages. I keep telling him that if that is what he wants to do then he actually needs to write and get it out there but as he is down all the time he cant seem to write. I feel like this would help him but I cant seem to motivate him. I'm just so lost and not sure what to do. Any help or advice would be great. Sorry if I have gone on and your not really sure what you are answering as I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for here.

Sometimes I feel like we should just pack up move somewhere else and look for new jobs but then I think is that really going to change anything or is he going to feel this way about every job and against every person.

Please someone help unjumble my brain

elcee

[basilandthyme]

Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it.

His complaints aren't situational - this is about him being a complainer to his very core. No matter what happens in his life, he will find something to complain about. This is evidenced by the fact that he's been complaining about different stuff since he met you. You could let him go and be free and he'd still find things to complain about. He'd find a new girlfriend and a new job and still complain.

Sweetie, his complaints are clearly doing your head in. This is his outlook on life and isn't going to change - do you REALLY want to live with this for the rest of your life?

As for the children thing... I firmly believe that children deserve to be parented by two parents who really want them. This guy doesn't want kids, and he's only doing it to keep you happy. Odds on, if he finally agrees to impregnate you (I suspect he will stall endlessly on this) he will probably complain about the kids and resent them too.

Let me ask you this: Do you think this man will make a wonderful father? Someone who will love and guide his children to have a positive outlook and find happiness in life? Will he support them through all their trials of adolescence? Will he be the rock they can turn to for strength and wisdom? Being a father is so much more than just donating the sperm.

Frankly, I think that you and your future kids can do far better than this guy. I'm sure he has some very wonderful traits, but such negativity can and will wear you down in time. Try and imagine living with this for another 60 years. Try and imagine him as a father.