Now that we know we love each other, is he taking my love for granted?

[bluemonkey]

We have been going out for more than 6 years now since college. We're both not really open with our feelings but one day I told him I loved him and he replied "It's safe to say that I love you". Confused at his reply but happy at the answer, I've come to love him dearly and believe he does as well.

But lately, I've been getting depressed at the thought that he doesn't really love me as much. We work shifts and have to arrange our off days together. Whenever there's a different day, it's more often that I would be doing the changing rather than him. There's one day he arranged for an off day for a board game session with friends but he didn't realize that I was not off on that day. I asked if he could try to change his off days to suit mine but without really finding out he could or not he already said it would be impossible. So, I'll be working on that day while he would still go off to play with our friends. I was hurt that he could still enjoy himself. Well, he did say he would make it up to me by bringing me out for dinner and movie on our next off day. But I was more upset that he didn't try to make the change so that he wouldn't have to make it up to me later.

Maybe this is nothing to get upset over. But what about his decision to one day move to overseas if he got his dream job? I would still be stuck in my country. He said things would work out somehow without much worry and worse come to worse, I could move with him. But what about my family and friends here? What about the fact that I would have to leave my job to join him? What about the fact that my parents would definitely be against it? He said I was old enough to decide for myself what I want to do. True, but I don't want to upset my family just to get what I want. I'm not that kind of person. I can't choose between them. I have a sinking feeling that I would have to decline his offer to move with him and he wouldn't really miss me and would move on.

Does he really love me or is just thinking about himself most of the time? Most of the time he is a considerate person but in this serious matter of going after his dream job (if he gets it) and the decisive decision to move with or without me....what does this really mean?

[Venacava]

If you've been together for six years then it's more than likely that he loves you. I have the firm belief that people should never hold you back, even if you love them and they love you - sometimes you just have to do things that you want to do and for yourself. So I can't really say that I disagree with the fact that he is willing to move with or without you.
However, he's not saying he doesn't want you to go with him, there is that option - it just depends on what you want to do.

[bluemonkey]

I do not want to hold him back either. In fact, I supported his decision to pursue his dream but I was hurting inside. Honestly, I am a dutiful daughter or at least I try to be. I do disagree with some of the traditional way of thinking my parents often have about relationships. I could be decisive about trying to go to New York and live with my boyfriend. But I'm just not sure if that's what I really want to do. Or whether it's for all the right reasons.

There is the possibility that he may not go overseas. But hoping for that makes me feel bad because I want whatever's best for him. I'm glad that he suggests for me to follow him, showing to me that he is still thinking about us but he's also okay if I don't follow him. I don't think I can handle a long distant relationship.

Back in college when he had to study for 2 years in U.S, I was lonely and sad while he was away. We agreed that if we met anyone else, we wouldn't hold back for the other. We haven't begun to go steady at this time because of our studies. But I wanted to wait for him anyway. But then there was this time when he wrote to me saying that he didn't think we could work out and that the only time he really ever loved someone was his ex-girlfriend. I was devastated for a long time, pretending that I was alright with it and that what is, is. And then he came back after 2 years and we hit it off anyway. But then for him to later say "It's safe to say I love you"....what, is he not sure?

[Venacava]

"It's safe to say..." probably means that it's definite. When you say "it's safe to say..." it's definite or a fact in my opinion.

[bluemonkey]

Thank you for saying that. I feel much better now actually. I had a lot to think about and it also helped that I went through some of my secret stuff. It brought back lots of fun and loving memories me and my boyfriend had together. A little by little, I was able to mend my hurt and see that he's not perfect and neither am I. So what if he couldn't change his off day to fit with mine. ^_^" It's so trivial now that I think about it. And so what if he goes overseas...if it was meant to be, then there will be a way. And checking through the stuff, we have actually been together for 8 years and more instead of 6 that I initially remembered.

But thanks, for sharing your opinion with me on this matter. Your quote held some truth in there.

[Junket]

I don't know.

"It's safe to say" sounds to me like he might be trying to persuade himself into believing it, even if he doesn't.

Just a thought.

Afterall, 6 years is a long time, maybe he simply feels like he should?

[vashti]

You don't say how old you are, but you sound pretty young. This is the time in life where people are SUPPOSED to be building a life for themself, so I think he is doing the right thing. Trying to deny him this important developmental stage in any way would be rather selfish, IMO.

I also think him having a day off without you should really not be a big deal at this point. Your resentment sounds a little stifling to me, although maybe you didn't portray it this way to him.

And yes, "safe to say" sounds a little suspicious to me, too. Sorry.

[bluemonkey]

It's hard to express what I'm feeling all in a single post, so I may come up as being a little immature. Even after reading my posts again, I do sound a little petty to myself. All in all though, I'm just trying to better understand myself to handle the situation. Feeling a little calmer now and after hearing some advice from all of you, I can assess the situation a little better.

I'm the kind of person that supresses emotions in front of the person, which some may think is unhealthy but it gives me the chance to think it over whether it was justified. But sometimes, thinking on my own does not result in anything, so I seek help like in this forum to think things through better.

The outing thing was over and done with actually. My thoughts were lingering on the other issue of him going to overseas. You know how one problem brings up another one that was unresolved in the past and it all piles up to make one big issue? Something like that.