What would you do? Dealing with the cheater

[jbal]

I have been together with my current girl friend since my senior year of high school (her junior). I am now sophomore in the same college as her. This summer she cheated on me with somebody she claimed was her best friend and met that summer as well. We had a long distance relationship for most of last year while she finished up college and during the summer while I was at a research job far away. I found out at the end of the summer and was devastated that somebody I trusted so dearly would do something this horrific to me. I eventually forgave her when I was convinced that she would never do it again and that she loves me as much as I love her. It has been a little over a month since I have taken her back and thing had been going great.

But we hit a snafu. She dearly misses the friendship she once had with the guy she cheated on me with. I tried to place an ultimatum on her saying that she can't be in contact with him and still be with me. I want this because I don't what to be reminded of what happened between them, I don't want ever the chance of anything happening again, and although I trust that my girlfriend wont try to start anything I don't trust the guy. I don't trust them talking to each other or being in the same room alone. But I do trust her with everything else including my life. She pushed back stating that I should trust her because I know how devoted she is to me (she is devoted) and that its not my place to put limits on her life. I said I would try it out but that I must talk to the guy she cheated on with to clear things up and gain his trust so that nothing more would happened. We were both cordial with each other but I was not impressed, when I asked if he had any regrets over what happened he said non at all and that he just followed his heart. And when I asked if he could tell me that they would never be in a relationship again he said that he could not grantee it, but it was not something he wanted at the moment. I don't trust him with even talking to my girl friend.

If put in my situation what would you do? Was I out of my place to ask her to never talk to him again knowing their history together and behind my back? Is it a problem that I don't trust him around her or talking to each other if our relationship is to move forward healthily? Should I live her because she won't except my request? Help

[Heratriumphant]

It was seriously wrong for her to try to renew that friendship. What she's asking of you is unfair, hurtful and flat out insane.

If infidelity isn't a deal breaker in it's self, that certainly is.

[flea]

you sat down and had a CHAT with the dude who got with your gf? are you a complete tosser?!?

omg, what is going on with the young men of today....you don't have to accept this out of some sort of misguided PC expectation of respecting every side of the story. who's respecting you? if you're pissed-off about this, BE PISSED OFF! don't allow anyone to trample on your heart, chop it into bits, and then FEED it to you! jesus!

get rid of her, now.

[VioletB]

It's possible to love someone, even after they break your heart. But you'll never trust her again - no matter what she does. Whether she hangs out with this guy, or some other guy, you'll never trust her alone with another guy. You'll always wonder what she's doing when you're not around. Relationships are built on trust, and since you haven't any left, I'd recommend ending the torture to yourself.

[babycakes11]

You need to respect yourself and tell her this is NOT on!

[Gigabitch]

Ditch the bitch.

[Joker]

In my opinion, once someone's cheated in a relationship even if it continues the relationship is going to get rocky

in your example she might just want to remain friends with the guy and will raise issues, you might feel a bit more apprehensive around her guy friends

very rarely, can a relationship be savoured

[WanderingAuthor]

You really don't have the necessity to feel as though you need to put up with this. Although my opinions are fairly skewed (I have been cheated on in the past and promptly dumped her) you really have no reason to be cordial or understanding toward her. She was the one that wronged *you*.

~Wandering Author

[smitty]

Being cheated on twice is gonna have a real emotional toll on you. I know because my bestfriend's skanky ass bitch of an ex did it to him 3 times and he was too much of a pussy to dump her despite everybody telling him to until he broke down and cried in my arms because he couldn't take it anymore.

[flea]

Ditch the bitch.

direct and to the point...you're a classic GB

[Dogtoast]

I've been cheated on once, and after that I couldn't trust her even the slightest bit. You're selling yourself short by trying with this one. If she's so damn devoted why did she do, whatever it is she did, with homeboy?

Take an old nasty boot....and mail it to her. Inside place a note that simply reads "you got the boot"

Seriously do it.

[bluesummer]

Wow, that's straight up disrespectful.

You don't think it's a little fishy that she NEEDS the companionship of someone she cheated on you with? You're not enough for her? I wouldn't trust this chick as far as I could throw her.

I can't believe she had the gall to even confront you with this. She clearly doesn't take your feelings into consideration, and for that reason alone I'd get the hell out if I were you.