Phone Calls...

[xareon]

I am now more sure than ever that my girlfriend and I are meant to be together. We may have our differences but our differences balance each other out. The only thing I still have a bit of a problem with is her not calling me. When we first started going out she would call me and message me occasionally, not every day, mind, but even 2-3 times a week, and it made me feel great. Now, though, she doesn't call me or message me at all. I understand that some people aren't into talking on the phone, but lately we are both very busy and we usually only get to see each other one day a week, and as they say communication is the key to a good relationship. I know this is just part of her personality but it always makes me a little depressed to always be the one calling. Furthermore she no longer keeps her cell phone's ringer on (which I bought so I could talk to her) so I have to call her at her house.

Recently I painfully forced myself to stop calling her for a week. When I told her that I was sorry that I hadn't called all week I also told her the reason, to see if she would call me once, and she never did. She said that she thought it was because I was busy or maybe something was going on with me, so she didn't want to bother me. After that she still didn't call me or message me. Now I kinda feel like a chick complaining about never getting a phone call, but I really don't think that 2-3 phone calls throughout the week is asking too much.

I've thought of doing several things and I want to get feedback on what you think might work. One thing I thought of was maybe setting up a routine, such taking turns to be the one to call for that day, but the problem I have with this idea is that I would rather not ask her to call me, I want her to WANT to call me, not feel like she has to. Perhaps I should try to stop calling her again for a few weeks and she if she responds after a while, but I don't like playing this game, for one it hurts if I can only talk to her at work and thats it. Perhaps I should just sit down with her and tell her how I feel, but that hasn't worked in the past, I don't think she understands how wonderful it makes me feel to hear her voice.

I don't want to offend her or make her feel like she is forced to call me, but at the same time I don't want to make her feel like I'm falling away from her (by not calling) because I do love her deeply. Perhaps I should just get hypnotized into believing that communication doesn't matter and I need to stop being such a sensative sap.

Thanks in advance,
Tennyson

[KirstyM]

IMO you have two choices - talk to her again and do your best to explain how much it means to you for her to call you every now and then as opposed to you always calling her, or just go with the flow and hope that should a situation arise in which communication is more of an issue there isnt a problem. Personally I would talk to her again. She probably just doesnt realise how important it is to you. Its easy to get used to the other person calling you, and enjoy that, and just get carried away with it, or get into the habit. Talk to her.

[King Zarathu]

xareon - Read out that first post to her. I had that problem with my g/f. The key way to do it is to flirt with another girl in front of her and literally STOP CALLING!! Don't like.. "flirt" with another girl enough to make her think you might cheat, but enough to let her know you think this other girl is hott and you're interested in SOME sort of a relationship (friends or otherwise). She HAS to call you at least once or SOMETHING!

When she does, you are to say "Wow! You called!! I should record this one and put it in the scrapbook.. I'm so proud of you!" in the most sarcastic tone of voice ever. She'll naturally either feel really hurt or really pissed, depending on her personality. But either way, what she says is "why didn't you call me? you like, stopped calling or something." You answer: "Well.. I wanted to live the lifestyle of not calling my girlfriend/boyfriend and try it out, because obviously it does something good for you, considering you call me once every...month? (or however long you can be sarcastic and not exagerate, not longer than the amt. of time y'all have been going out though, because you don't want her to say 'wtf we haven't even been going out that long' you know.. make it sarcasm)"

*sigh* problems should be sorted out with this.. i HATE it when girls don't call the guys because it's NOT right and it makes us feel like crap, and we don't deserve that as males who pay for like, everything, and plan dates and all...

Anyways, hope it helps.

LTsK8eR2gO

[Focused]

I know EXACTLY how you feel man. The girl I am dating did the exact same thing to me. I also tried the not calling her and waiting for her to call me thing, but your right it is hard because you want to know how they are doing. Your right Communication is VERY important so I really think that you need to tell her all the things you just said in your post especially the "I don't think she understands how wonderful it makes me feel to hear her voice" part. She might honestly be really busy like the girl I am dating was, but still I know you would like to be able to talk to her for at least a few minutes. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.


Mark

[blue]

what is it with the no calling thing is it me or are men jus total babies? people are busy sometimes i do this sometime where i dont call and it s because well im just not like that all the time and im busy...but when i do call its great. the whole oh she hasnt called me so i haevnt called her in a week thats bs, giver her a call if she dosent call...let her know how you feel but dont take it so personally.

[cbee]

not just what blue said but also if you feel neglected/don't like her not calling then tell her. DOn't play games. If you can't be straight with her about something like this what are you going to do if something more serious comes up & you need to talk about it?