fiance Broke off engagement

[peepster]

Hello I have been seeing this girl for 4 and half years. Those 4 and a half years were great and we never fought. However my ex fiance called off the engagement a week ago, she says that her head is telling her to be with me however her heart is telling her otherwise. She claims in her perfect world we would be together and be getting married But something is telling her not to. She told me 2 weeks ago about these feelings, I told her that they were just nerves and they would pass. But these 2 weeks went by and broke up with me. But I am still madly in love with her and i know she still loves me however i dont want to over whelm her so i want to give her space. But I know she is the one for me, she is my best friend. What can i Do?

[peepster]

Hello I have been seeing this girl for 4 and half years. Those 4 and a half years were great and we never fought. However my ex fiance called off the engagement a week ago, she says that her head is telling her to be with me however her heart is telling her otherwise. She claims in her perfect world we would be together and be getting married But something is telling her not to. She told me 2 weeks ago about these feelings, I told her that they were just nerves and they would pass. But these 2 weeks went by and broke up with me. But I am still madly in love with her and i know she still loves me however i dont want to over whelm her so i want to give her space. But I know she is the one for me, she is my best friend. What can i Do?

[SelflessnHumble]

No one in their right mind just suddenly breaks up with you after 4+ years...
You either missed the signs, she met someone else, or she just never truly loved you enough or never made up her mind until now.

It sucks when you are madly in love with someone who doesn't feel the same but there is a reason why she changed her mind.
Sit her down and talk to her to find out and respect what she tells you. See, the problem is: You aren't the one for her as she is for you.

This means you are either in la la land, OR you refuse to see the truth.
In relationships there are always disagreements and usually fights of some kind.
When you say never, it tells me that's a huge problem. You figure out why that is.

[peepster]

Sure we had disagreements but they were never enough to separate. I believe that she is jealous of her friends that are single and the attention they get from guys. But I gave her so much attention probably too much, so thats not it.

[SelflessnHumble]

Sure we had disagreements but they were never enough to separate. I believe that she is jealous of her friends that are single and the attention they get from guys. But I gave her so much attention probably too much, so thats not it.

You don't get it.
See, women LOVE attention...Superficial women love attention from multiple guys: one guy (you) will not suffice.
Giving a girl too much attention screams for a woman to dump the guy- it can make her feel suffocated.

She's not a good woman anyway if she can't tell you the truth.
Talk to her friends, see what they say.

[peepster]

i cant really talk to her friends , I think that would make things worse they would they her and she would get mad.

[SelflessnHumble]

i cant really talk to her friends , I think that would make things worse they would they her and she would get mad.

What?
How much worse can it get?
She dumped you plain and simple.

2nd, how come you don't address the issue to her as I said earlier?

[peepster]

You are Right it cant get worse. I have tried to do that earlier this week and she just says that she is confused and that she loves me but doesn't know what to do or why she has these feelings. How I would i go about talking to her without intruding on her space.

[SelflessnHumble]

You are Right it cant get worse. I have tried to do that earlier this week and she just says that she is confused and that she loves me but doesn't know what to do or why she has these feelings. How I would i go about talking to her without intruding on her space.

She has made things clear: she does not know!
You might have to wait for an eternity because she doesn't want to tell you the truth.

All you can do is find her, and sit with her and talk to her.
Ask her questions, humbly and nice, not with anger/contempt...
If she tells you great...if not, then she clearly has issues she isn't willing to tell you about.

[peepster]

i think she has really no idea what she wants. Shes was the one who was eager for me to purpose and now she the one ending it all within 3 months

[doppelgaenger]

No offense, but what a bitch. After 4 years, she can't even clarify what her problem is? I'd forget about her!

[gigigi4]

i really feel for you, i am going through a similar situation with my longterm bf/ex/it's complicated. it's the same thing, he has some kind of amorphous problem/unsure feeling with the relationship that he can't define or explain or even begin to verbalize at all. it's really frustrating and hurtful...at least to me, i feel like 4 years is long enough for someone to know for sure whether or not they are feeling love and ready for commitment and that you would have to actually DO something to lose their love/commitment. it almost hurts more to hear, "i love you and you're such an important and special person to me, but i feel that something is missing or not quite right", than to have a clear break with a clear reason.
sorry i can't offer the best advice on how to proceed...just wanted to express sympathy & vent a little! i do feel that it's probably best to give her her space and not contact her...she will only be able to miss you if you're not there. there's probably a certain element of her taking you for granted, feeling like you'll always just be there...so show her that you won't and you are not needy and dependent on her. this is really hard to do and i'm not sure i can do it myself, but hang in there!

[Petit Papillon]

I also think that she's having a cold feet. I don't know how to handle a cold feet so maybe other members will help. But I think if you give her a bit space,she will realise that she really loves you and will come back I hope so .

[peepster]

yeah thanks gigi I feel the same way, i thought i knew her enough to know she would never to that to me.

[Lovable]

I think PP is right. I think giving her space is the right thing to do now.

She may be a little scared of getting married, so let her have some time on her own. Maybe she will miss you, the times together etc., & want to get back with you. Maybe even put off the engagement a little bit, who knows?