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Thread: Does the spark really matter?

  1. #1
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    Does the spark really matter?

    Well, I am new here.....Looking for a honest opinion

    I have been single for 2 years now since my divorce. I never really thought about getting into another relationhip for awhile. But here is my dilemma.
    I met an incredible woman who I never thought I would meet in my life. She is sweet, very intelligent, understanding trustful (trust is a big one from my experience of my last marriage) and everything I could ever want for and more...
    But, I do not have that feeling, that spark of physical attraction from her.It is just because of her facial look. (I apologize, but I am just being honest).
    Yet I have never met a person so perfect in my life in every other way. (if that makes sense)
    I have been seeing her for 3 months and I have to make a decision to be fair for her. Is it posible to look beyond the physical look of a person and still have a spark? If so, how can I do it? She honestly is an amazing woman.
    If you any honest advice, I would appreciate all replies
    Thanks everyone...
    Bujama

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    The spark is very important for me. It's not a physical spark for me... it's just a spark of chemistry. I can't stay interested if the spark isn't there.
    I don't chase, I replace.

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    It depends on what you want. If both of you are willing to accept a limited relationship, maybe it could work, but in my opinion, it's a waste of time. That spark can get you through the rough times- it's rougher than you think if there's no attraction.
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    If you're not attracted to her, then you can be good ol' buddies. The spark separates friends from girlfriends.

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    Part of that spark is knowing that I'm chemically compatible with the person. That they smell right to me. It sounds weird, but I've been on dates w/ women who smell like old gym socks to me even after they've freshly showered.

    If the person smells wrong, even though everything else is right (and no I don't mean bad hygiene here folks), I won't date them.
    "Well, then," the Cat went on, "you see a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lite View Post
    Part of that spark is knowing that I'm chemically compatible with the person. That they smell right to me. It sounds weird, but I've been on dates w/ women who smell like old gym socks to me even after they've freshly showered.

    If the person smells wrong, even though everything else is right (and no I don't mean bad hygiene here folks), I won't date them.

    I've heard this refer to as 'pheromone attraction' and I have to admit... I tend to notice this too. With my ex, I more or less forced the relationship to work (young, naive... etc..), and not once did I ever like their scent. They bathed, were fairly clean... but I found their smell simply disagreeable.

    Attraction to someone cannot be purely physical or purely mental... I believe it has to be both.
    "The weakest soul, knowing its own weakness, and believing this truth that strength can only be developed by effort and practice, will, thus believing, at once begin to exert itself, and, adding effort to effort, patience to patience, and strength to strength, will never cease to develop, and will at last grow divinely strong."

    - James Allen

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    I think the 'spark' definitely matters. I mean it's not all about looks BUT if you're not even the least bit attracted to her physically, the relationship will probably fizzle. Other than having great company and enjoying spending time with her, it sounds like there's not much else to look forward to. If u don't develop that physical connection, than it IS more like a friendship as fras mentioned.
    so if u think u could eventually develop those attractions for her, it might work..if not. It's your call, personally i would find someone else that i was fairly attracted to. It's more fun that way.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Bujama View Post
    But, I do not have that feeling, that spark of physical attraction from her.It is just because of her facial look. (I apologize, but I am just being honest).
    In other words you don't find her physically attractive, but you like her personality? I think it's best to let her go sooner rather than later. If you are like most other people you will most likely find a long relationship with someone you find physically unattractive unbearable.
    Don't cry, don't regret and don't blame
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    Ask the wind for the way
    Uncertainty's gone, your path will unravel
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    God or the Devil
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    You bastards bash me for my definition of love and than come here and basically post it as the most important thing in a relationship. Assholes. The chemical spark is love.. spark FTW!
    "Why are you an atheist?"
    "because I paid attention in science class."

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    Quote Originally Posted by Only-virgins View Post
    You bastards bash me for my definition of love and than come here and basically post it as the most important thing in a relationship. Assholes. The chemical spark is love.. spark FTW!
    No, it's not love. Not to me at least.

    The spark is simply interest.

    Love comes after I've gotten to know the person. To me, love isn't something that can be easily replaced... and I can easily replace someone with just a spark.
    I don't chase, I replace.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Mishanya View Post
    If you are like most other people you will most likely find a long relationship with someone you find physically unattractive unbearable.
    You need both. Personality and physical beauty. Tho the latter will mute as you age. Of course, some things like eyes always retain their beauty. If you have great eyes, you are lucky.

    I love attractive men. But I could never consider one longterm if they didn't come with a brain. Shallow = death of a relationship, for me.
    Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Only-virgins View Post
    You bastards bash me for my definition of love and than come here and basically post it as the most important thing in a relationship. Assholes. The chemical spark is love.. spark FTW!

    Saying chemistry is love is like saying my ignition key is my automobile!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lite View Post
    Part of that spark is knowing that I'm chemically compatible with the person. That they smell right to me. It sounds weird, but I've been on dates w/ women who smell like old gym socks to me even after they've freshly showered.

    If the person smells wrong, even though everything else is right (and no I don't mean bad hygiene here folks), I won't date them.
    I agree. If I feel I need to hold my breath or nose around you, we arent gonna work out in the long run. With my ex I dont think I ever had the problem of him being stink around me, even after playing basketball, which was like a mega plus. And mmm mmm mmm smelling his cologne turned me on every time, had me ready to jump his bones.
    ..::.*Love is giving someone the ability to break your heart but trusting them not to*.::..

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    Bujama, don't you think she deserves the chance to find someone that really, really wants her?
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    Quote Originally Posted by carl1222 View Post
    Saying chemistry is love is like saying my ignition key is my automobile!
    It is. whats your point. Good anology. Love isn't meant to last or be a successful relationship, it could be, but doesn't have to be. Love is love.
    "Why are you an atheist?"
    "because I paid attention in science class."

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