Messed up getting worse. Benefactor with sugar baby

[telluride11]

I'm messed up. I am a married professional man in a big city who has grown apart from my wife and, rather than pursue an extramarital affair, I decided to sponsor a "sugar baby" who answered my ad on an internet posting site for such meetings. She is half my age, and is a highly educated young lady seeking to set up a consulting business. She is beautiful, incredibly open and passionate with me and I have had the best sex of my life with her. Clearly she has rekindled something in me. Thats the problem. We are in different worlds, move in completely different circles, meet once a week for intense and very consuming interaction. She is sexually way more savvy than me and will do pretty much anything tirelessly. I realize that this has literally sucked me in to a tremendous hedonism and it is addictive. It is starting to rip me apart however that she sees other men both on dates as well as accepting money for sexual services to support herself. To check on whether she is actively pursuing new sexual interactions for money, I have actually posted sham ads online which she has answered thinking they were legitimate with great zeal and enthusiasm. My response is to become upset, edgy, nervous and frustrated. Rationally, I temper my feelings and continue to see her but I can't shake my feelings for her which are not far from being in love. That is not what I intended when I set out on this sexual journey of discovery and graification. How do I deal with this?

[vashti]

Remind yourself that she is paid to do what she does, including with you? If you can't accept she is a prostitute, and that developing feelings for her is inappropriate, you should maybe find another one.

BTW - your wife is gonna be really pissed off if you bring her home a "surprise" from one of these girls... just sayin..

[Gigabitch]

You wanted a whore. You got one. She's still a whore. What is your problem?

[telluride11]

I guess I can't see out of the forest thru the trees. But I don't view this woman as a whore at least not in the strict use of the word. At best she may engage in paid activity with 2 or 3 guys but that is it and lives a highly respectable upstanding life otherwise. Would you consider a college or grad student seeing an older guy for monetary support a "whore" in the sense of a fulltimer who is escorting 3 to 4 nites a week or turning tricks multiple times a day. I find her to be overwhelmingly beautiful, sensuous and affectionate and I guess the level of her affection is so strong that I have a hard time believing that it is just an act. How do I lift the veil off my messed up brain right now and join the rational sector of the human race?

[bluesummer]

Just leave your wife already.

And yes, if she's accepting money for sex she is a whore. Just a higher class of one.

Another case of you not seeing the forest for the trees.

[Gigabitch]

I guess I can't see out of the forest thru the trees. But I don't view this woman as a whore at least not in the strict use of the word. At best she may engage in paid activity with 2 or 3 guys but that is it and lives a highly respectable upstanding life otherwise. Would you consider a college or grad student seeing an older guy for monetary support a "whore" in the sense of a fulltimer who is escorting 3 to 4 nites a week or turning tricks multiple times a day. I find her to be overwhelmingly beautiful, sensuous and affectionate and I guess the level of her affection is so strong that I have a hard time believing that it is just an act.

A whore trades sex for money or goods. Yes, she is a whore. She is an overwhelmingly beautiful, sensuous and affectionate whore.

And you're a fool for becoming infatuated with a whore.

By the way, I have NO problem whatsoever with prostitution and I think it should be legal. I'm not judging her. I'm judging you.

How do I lift the veil off my messed up brain right now and join the rational sector of the human race?

Stop seeing her. Cold turkey.

[telluride11]

I still take issue with the term whore in relation to a sugar baby. There have probably been hundreds of thousands of college girls and other young ladies who have done this and the exchange of selected intimacy for living expenses is practiced universally. I just feel suckered by falling in love with one and need advice on falling out of love.

[msm]

Maybe you are having a mid-life crises?
Think about it. She is having sex with multiple men she is not attracted to and would not have sleep normally, for money. What does that say about her as person? Despite her high level of education and ambitiousness, this person obviously lacks a sense of ethics. How can you fall in love with someone like this? Its not going to lead to anything more, so stop it now before you get obsessed.

[rackandpinion]

Yow have been given a great gift. Beautiful girl, great sex, no strings, easy pleasure. Thats what you signed on for. Thats what you got. Do you really imagine a scenario where you leave your wife, win this girl's heart, hook up with her and she becomes your new wife-equivalent. Can you imagine then lookinig over your shoulder at her infidelity. Let sleeping dos lie. Yes she is a whore. Not a street walker but not someone you want your children to come to know. Use her for the purpose that you originally set out for and don't waver into romance. its stupid and unecessary. If you need to seek romance, find someone who is in a different category. I don't need to explain that. But do not let this girl know how you feel or it will be over. I assure you she will feel threatened by a "john" who falls in love with her and will look to get out. She loves the money you give her, probably likes or tolerates the sex in return and most likely fakes some of her sensual responses to you. Be realistic and don't fall for that. It is a skill set just like being a blacksmith that she has learned to move on in her world. You are the means. Your money is the end not your soul, your personality, your looks, your prestige or your place in society. Be comfortable with who you are, extract as much physical pleasure as you can from her, pay her well to continue and let it go at that. Because the consequences of going further are just STUPID. Just plain stupid and you will be ruined big time. Your reputation, your family, your self esteem, everything you built up will be toppled if you go further with this. I suggest you try and get kinky with her to diffuse the love and romantic bullshit because thats what she is there for. I am sure she is skilled at just about anything so take advantage of her expertise and explore things you never dreamed of

[Gigabitch]

Hmmm. Interesting opinion. Do you really think getting kinky would help him fall out of love with her? I've done some pretty kinky stuff with my husband and it hasn't had that effect on us.

[rackandpinion]

Well, in regard to kinky things, I think this poor guy needs to refocus his interest away from emotionality to pure physical pleasure. This sugar baby of his is essentially a live jerk off substitute. A lot more expensive and certainly more in the flesh than a porno film but one wouldn't expect to fall in love with a porn actress if you fantasized about getting oral sex from her. The same with telluride11. He signed up with this babe to have fun physically and abstract as much carnal pleasure as he could without strings. It is as near perfect scenario as possible in his condition. He isn't going to a hooker den for a cheap turnover trick who has been screwed 30 times that week. He opted for a young, hot woman who has a few other guys and can devote some extra premium attention on him. As such, he can gain a lot more physicality and erotic points than with a one shot hooker. But, he needs to lighten up his literary bullshit and romantic illusions. If he can't, he needs to get the hell out. This type of thing can get messy emotionally so by refocusing on kinky things it may diffuse the more ardent love making which to her is just a job and to him is more fuel for his emotional fire.
Just my 2 cents.

[Gigabitch]

Agreed. His focus is in the wrong place. It sounds to me like this guy isn't really sugar daddy material. He's too romantic. He's getting shredded.

[rackandpinion]

Sex with a provider is exactly that. it i not lovemaking. The sex can be and should aim to be mind bowing for the guy who is paying. Otherwise whats the point. But don't confuse awesome mind blowing orgasms with spirituality, romance, emotionality or love when doing this with a professional and I include telluride's babe in that category even though he doesn't. He seems to have a more female, sensitive side in his psyche and that is nice but he is displacinig the need for love and genuine affection with physical pleasure. It's great when you can get both from the same person but no one goes to a whore for love. A whore's kiss is as genuine as a a three dollar bill and if one grooves on that emotionally, it is indeed hollow if not tragic. Maybe telluride, you should also be intensely forceful and athletic in your interludes and draw some ego strength from your own prowess. try and generate multiple orgasms in your partner, search thru some tantric rituals, position manuals and pursue some voyeursitc transference fro the porn you've watched over the years with this young woman. that'll keep you off the love bus.

[girl68]

rather than pursue an extramarital affair, I decided to sponsor a "sugar baby" who answered my ad on an internet posting site for such meetings.

She is beautiful, incredibly open and passionate with me and I have had the best sex of my life with her.

Idiot- you're having an affair.

[vashti]

Idiot- you're having an affair.

with a prostitute!

"Sugar baby"? I hope you are aware of how ridiculous that sounds, no offense.