Can men and women be friends?

[slantedhalo20]

I have a lot of male friends. I know that people often think a woman with a lot of male friends just enjoys the attention. But its not like that, Im very close to three of my male friends. They are my best friends, and Ive known them since I was around 6, (Im 23 now) so we are more like family than anything. I have no past with any of these men, not kissed, not gone out with, yeah we hug, but I mean thats me, I hug everyone.

I met my boyfriend 5 years ago, and I warned him from the get go that I have a lot of male friends, and that if he had a problem with it, then we shouldnt carry on. He said he didnt mind. Now he seems to have a problem with it. Hes making comments saying I should ask his permission if I want to go to a gig with a few of them, or if I want to go to a New Years Party with them, and I told him the moment he started doing this, I would get angry.

He said its because his friends from work have said things about me, I met them once and they added me on facebook, and theyve gone through my pictures (none of them bad, just me with my friends) and told my boyfriend he needs to be careful because men and women cant be friends.... so is this true?

[bombboy85]

That is one of the toughest questions to answer really. Yes men and women can be just friends but to be honest it's looked at differently by the guys than the girls. Women can be friends with a guy and know even if they were single, drunk, desperate anything that there are male friends they wouldn't sleep with, men not so much. Most men would sleep with any of their female friends depending on the circumstances which would be different with each one, look up the ladder theory and how men and women differ.

I can understand your boyfriends worries to and you have to bend a little bit and at least try to understand his worry. I'm not saying ditch anyone he asks you to but remember that it is coded in our DNA as men to compete for mates and all men are competition whether we like it or not. My wife gets along with men more than women therefore there are situations where I am uncomfortable but my want to trust her makes me give her some leeway. A couple examples, she has a friend that she has known forever, says she see's him as a brother and could never date him and he texts her all the time sometimes even 9-10 at night. I can see it from far away that he wants her for his own etc but I have to trust her otherwise it will never work and it doesn't help that I had a gf that I dated when I was younger same kind of situation, we hit a rough patch he stepped in and has been with her since. Another is a guy that my wife slept with a few times years ago, he didn't want to date so she stopped and she is having trouble getting hours at work right now so took some hours 50 miles across town yesterday and works there again today so to save money on gas she is crashing on his couch tonight since he lives nearby. Really tough to just let happen but she wants me to give her wake up calls when she does stuff like that so it helps a bit.

You just gotta talk with him about it and compromise TOGETHER not just one person gives everything up because that is what relationships are about.

(A little context so nobody thinks I'm crazy, she doesn't have me to come home to right now because I'm deployed for the military, if I was at home it may be different.)

[bulrush]

Sometimes men and women can be just friends. I know several women who prefer male friends, because they are sick of the drama that other women bring. While other women do want several men to pick from for boyfriends, and they want to know them as friends first, before dating them. It's different for each person.

When I was in high school and college, I had lots of girls that were friends, because I was sick of the drama that BOYS bring. Yes, some guys have a lot of drama due to hormones, their girlfriends, and such. Some guys in college were so helpless, they couldn't do laundry, or cook if their life depended on it. They'd rather eat raw, uncooked Ramen noodles if they had no cash for pizza.

[smackie9]

Since you have known these guys when you were 6, and they are an extended family to you, of course you can be friends....you always have been friends. They are like your brothers, not lovers so your BF should give it a rest. If it was a new co-worker, then ya thats different, because most likely the guy has intentions to date you.

Face Book is the anti-christ. Not to add your BF's friends to your friends list. If not then there is a setting that you can use to block them from viewing your personal pictures. You have to be very careful what you post, and how much of your personal life you want people to see.

I only have a few pics of myself, my truck and goofy stuff that has no connection of me. I never post pics of my family, close friends, or me doing activities...I keep those for private emails. Saves a lot of hassels.

[Sonrisa]

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[MynameisJesus]

It may be possible but always remember that a huge percentage of "best friend" guys want to be lovers and lie about their true intentions.
For every guy that claims to be your true friend, 2 guys want more than friendship but they say exactly the same.

They don't always do it because they can't be trusted. Some are too insecure to be honest, and embarrased because the feelings are so deep (I can relate)
Others think they have a better chance with you if they get to know you really well first.

Not all guy friends are liars, but many are. It's very hard to find out who is being truly honest.
If your guy friend has been in long relationships and clearly shows interest in other females, you are probably safe.
But if the ever lasting single guy keeps texting you and you are goodlooking for his standards, chances are he sees you as a friend with benefits

Very few guys have the desire to be really close with women as just friends. I like to talk to women but now that I see how other men respond to it I am no longer interested in close friendships with females

[Requiem666]

Most of my friends are girls. One of them I have known all my life. And if I quit my current band, it would be an all-girl band. If you know and befriend a person, regardless of gender, a trust and bond comes into it. Sometimes, it even works if you've once been romantically involved before. It took a little while, but now, I still talk to my first girlfriend on friendly basis from time to time.

It all comes down to whether or not males can form a foundation with the opposite sex not based on the premise of sex or anything.

[smackie9]

For me and my guys friends...I know with them there's a hint of "what if".

[slantedhalo20]

Im only very protective over my friends now because of my Ex. I met my Ex when I was 16, I was young and very niave. He told me he didnt like me seeing my friends (the three boys Im close to) and I did whatever he told me to. I changed, I wasnt myself, I was low, tired, depressed and even started changing the way I dressed and acted so my boyfriend would like me. I went a year without seeing any of my friends, until one day I got a text message off one saying he needed to see me. So I met up with him, he told me how I had changed, how my boyfriend at the time was controlling me, and how I needed to get out. My boyfriend at the time's sister, saw me talking to my friend, and went and told him. I got to his and he went crazy saying I wasnt meant to be seeing them, and pushed me to the ground. I spent the next 6 months trying to make up for it, I thought I was in love with him, and needed him in my life. I didnt go out, didnt see ANY of my friends, let alone my male ones, I hardly saw my family. Then one night, I was at work, and two of my best friends came in (I worked in the same place as my boyfriend) and started talking to me. My boyfriend was staring at the whole time. My two friends got very angry, and one turned to me and said "You need to get out of that relationship, Im scared for you" and then it hit home. That night I ended things with him, he left my house in a rage, and constantly phoned me after. I was upset and my friends came and picked me up and took me out, they were there for me, and I promised I'd never be like that again.

The reason my current boyfriend feels threatened is because they are in a band. And he thinks I will run away with the lead singer, because I have a thing for famous lead singers/songwriters. Ive tried to re-assure him that I dont find any of them attractive, even thinking like that freaks me out. He's being very hot and cold with me now, and has started saying I cant do things - Im trying to be rational and talk it through, but in the back of my mind all I can think is, "dont go down this route again". Ive tried not seeing or talking to them as much, like I would normally see them every Wednesday, but I didnt this week. But my boyfriend is still moaning, Im making compromises, why cant he?

[sadie_genie]

I think if there is no romantic history or if they never ****ed then they can. Just casual friends, not very close, that is. I have a few guyfriends who I talk sometimes but we are not really that close. Those friends have never became my dates.