Girlfriend wants to take a break, very complicated situation (long)

[lordv]

So this will be a bit of a long read, i'll probably catch some heat on this situation but id still like to get some other people's perspectives.

So were to begin.

So i met this girl when i first started my new job. She was married. She still is. She is also 35 and im 25. Really connected well with her and became pretty good friends, however she would always flirt with me and i would flirt back with her, thinking it somewhat harmless.

So one day a little over a year latter im just teasing her and flirting with her as always about kissing me, and she acctully says ok, so i go into her office thinking she wasnt serious and we acctully kissed, for along time, by far the most passionate kiss i've ever had with anyone.

Next it esclated even further, with her starting off saying she wasnt sure why she was doing this but she couldn't stop it felt right. We were finding time anywere and everywere too see each other, sneaking around at work etc. So started spending even more time togther, talking day and night just about except when she couldnt becuase of her husband, i ended up going over her house and we "Sealed the deal" and had kind of fooled around before that. Tons of amazing sex to follow after that. I started to realize i really liked her and fell in love with her, she told me she loved me and of course i was eager to tell her the same thing (like 3-4 weeks in, very fast) She gave me more compliments then anyone ever has, i've been complimented head to toe, told i was absolutely amazing, told i was the best sex she ever had and got her to do things no one ever has, told i was the one, told no one has ever treated her so good, told she felt passion for me like she has never felt before and that i treated her like a princess (She treated me like a king and then some).

So this went on for about a month and i chatted her one day at the end of work (She can work from home) and didnt respond. I figured no big deal she was busy or whatever, she was going to come over to my house for a few hours the next day in the morning anyways.

The next thing i know about 8:00am in the morning she calls me histarical and told me her husband had found our chat log and knew (It had everything in it, from sex, kids, love, marriage, everything we could have possibley discussed). She ended up comming over that day and spent the next 4-5 days with me, she also was staying over a good girlfriends of hers every couple of days when she wasnt with me.

We started spending almost every day togther, days when i was off she would come work from my house and spend the entire day with me if not the night too.

I introduced her to almost my entire family, my friends met her and everyone got along very well etc, we planned on getting an townhouse since she was kicked out of the house anyways (Husband took all pictures off the wall, was hideing her stuff, punched holes in the doors and hid her wedding ring, not that id let her wear it anyways)

Fast forward a few more weeks she flew out for her brothers graduation to meet her family for that, told them the whole story, some of them told her to reconsider (Not totally sure why, assuming the age thing i didnt divulge into it to much, she does make double the amount of money i do but i dont make bad money by any means)

Ever since she got back from then things kind of went downhill a bit. Not to the point were it was bad and she was still great and spending alot of time with me , but i started noticing small things that she used to do that she wasnt anymore, i asked her if everything was okay and if anything had changed and she stated no they hadnt and she still felt the same way.

Fast forward a few more weeks, she started to grown more distant, i could tell something was going on and talked to her about it alot and she said nothing was up i could tell, then this tuesday she said she would call me in the morning, she didn't i signed in to msn messenger to talk to her and she signed right out. We use yahoo messenger to send text messages and she wasnt signed into that at all. I called her after she got off work and she didnt answer. I called her again about 20 min latter and my call was rejected, so i left her a voicemail saying hey how you doing hows your day going, havent heard from you gimmie a call etc.

I get a text message from her about 8:00pm that night saying hi, she was going to her friends sons baseball game (hes like 8) and she wanted to talk to me latter. From that i knew that she was going to say something like "She wanted a break" or something of the sort.

Finally, she gives me a call about 10:00 and tells me that she wants to take a break. That she just wants to put everything on Pause that everything was moving so fast. Here is a list of things she said.

- She needs to make sure she is making the right choice (She was going to get a divorce for me)
-When she is around me all she can think about is me i consume her every second and she needs to have a clear head and not be around anyone right now to sort things out, she is feeling alot of guilt and hurt and wants to make sure she doesnt make the wrong choice again.
- She still loves me
- She doesnt want to lose me
- She doesnt want us to see other people
- She still wants to be boyfriend/girlfriend (I know shes married crazy)
- She also doesnt want to have any communication
- She is not trying to get back with her husband

I asked her for how long she thinks she needs, she said she didnt know she didnt think that far ahead, i said how about two weeks and we can go from there and see how we are each feeling, she said that sounds good.


I was calm when she told me all of this until the end then i started to break down and cry (Kind of regret that now feel i should have manned up, it's happend a few times before too...)

This is one girl i really don't want to loose and i just want to make sure that after going through all of this and wrecking someones marriage i don't lose her.

My thoughts are to just give her 2 weeks of absolute space and not talk to her at all and wait to see if she contacts me at all, its breaking my heart though to do this and part of me wants to atleast say a causal "Hi how is your day going" every once in awhile.

Thanks for reading all of this and any advice you can offer. Yes i know, i will probably burn in hell for this. or maybe just karma will come back to bite me or is right now

[lordv]

No advice from anyone?

[Gigabitch]

Sorry, I'm really busy at work. I need the Cliff's Notes version.

[bluesummer]

I don't know what to say, other than she sounds like a heartless person. Why would you want to date someone who would cheat on their spouse (and leave them) for you?!?! Don't you see that she could potentially do the same thing to you?!?

I don't know what to say, because I simply can't encourage anyone to pursue a cheater. I just can't.

[WingsOfDarkness]

I don't know what to say, other than she sounds like a heartless person. Why would you want to date someone who would cheat on their spouse (and leave them) for you?!?! Don't you see that she could potentially do the same thing to you?!?

I don't know what to say, because I simply can't encourage anyone to pursue a cheater. I just can't.

Have to agree =/

[Pears]

This sounds like a short-term fling for her. After she gets bored of you, she'll leave.

[Lizziecupcakes]

i kinda see where your coming from but you have to consider some things

if she was willing to cheat on her HUSBAND, dont you think she'll cheat on you too?

[scallop]

First of all mate, she ain't your 'girlfriend' so you need to stop thinking of her as that way. She is not 'yours'. Although you've spent a lot of time together she is still married and sounds like you haven't quite accepted that yet.
Also I would definitely back off a bit and let her make her own mind up. If you act all needy and desperate now then thats not an attractive feature.
Also you have to deal with the fact that she may be considering going back to her husband - after all she is married.

If she doesn't and you have given her time to breathe then she may come to you.

[lordv]

Well whatever you want to call her i understand that she is married, i never intended to persue her. We were simply good friends and after things esclated tho i couldnt help but want to persue her seeing the person that she was (i know wont make sense, she cheated on her husband).


Not sure i always belive the "Once a cheater always a cheater" theory. But frankly that was part of the reason i thought she was such a good person, she stuck to her values (before anything happened, talking about marriage too) so i ended up getting close to her and honestly didnt expect it to happen and it's kind of fallen into my lap and i haven't really re-evaulated all of that, shes done nothing but the right things (towards me) up to this point in time and never even given me 1% doubt.

I dont think she would cheat on me, but clearly her husband thought that too. Can't help but feel the way i feel about her tho. Part of me feels like if i went through all of this to "get her" i should make things work and do what it takes.

[misombra]

i say you do exactly what you intend to, that is leave her alone for a while and let her come to you.

what she did was shattering. she needs to get it together and i believe she knows this.

i'm really sorry. i don't think she is a bad person though. i think if she would have not had any guilt or bad feelings about what she did, that would be highly disturbing.

leave her alone for a bit. if you contact her and don't respect her wishes, the glass is going to break.

i'm really sorry you're caught up in all this.

[lordv]

O just wanted to say i did call her sunday at like 2:00pm and left her a voicemail saying.


"Just calling to see how you are doing, if you want to call me back in the next few days you can, just wanted to see if your ok, i'll talk to you latter bye"

Have yet to hear anything back from her and i've been working on getting her off my mind and going through the breakup proccess basiclly hope for the best, but expect the worst.

100% of out character to not hear from her for this long, let alone 2 hours.

Thanks for everyones advice.

[lordv]

Just an update. She chatted me today.

She asked if i was free this weekend to talk.
I told her i could meet her saturday, suggested that we meet at my house.

She said that would be fine as long as no one will be there.

[IndiReloaded]

LordV, you need to know the odds on this turning out well for you are slim to none. I know everyone wants to think their infidelity situation is somehow special, but the reality is that LOTS of folks have been where you are & it almost never works out.

So, there's the harsh truth you need to face.

As to your particular situation, you haven't said what you want.

Do you want this gal to leave her husband for you? Are just just wanting a fling with a 'safe' married woman? Are you prepared for the husband to come after you with a baseball bat?

I'm assuming there aren't any children in their marriage (if there are, you are screwed--pun intended--unless this woman is a completely selfish person that you wouldn't want longterm anyway). If this is the case, and you are determined to pursue this relationship, then you need to let the gal know you won't be 'the other guy' anymore. B/c right now you are in a full blown affair & you are 'the other man'. That's not a nice place for anyone to be & it will completely destroy your self-respect and hers for you if you let it continue.

In other words, she needs to make a choice. I think you need to let her know this & then give her the space to make it. Set yourself a time limit, tho, as to how long you will let her jerk your chain. After that, you should consider starting to see other women. Even as 'placeholders', they will take the edge off your desire for this woman & you might even meet someone better.

Good luck.

[lordv]

I understand the odds are terrible, and i agree and understand what your saying about everything thinks their situation is different and i surely do fit into that boat with, i think shes different.

I feel like i will be left wondering forever thinking, what if, what if i dont give it a shot, what could have been...

I told her more then a month ago, i refuse to be the "Guy on the side" you leave him, or i will leave you. She had planned from a few weeks into this on leaveing him for me. I told her i wouldnt accept this, and its not the right thing to do for him (I know who am i to talk about doing wrong to her husband) and not for me.



The husband doesnt scare me 1%, thats not really an issue.

There are no children.

When she told me she wanted to take a "Break" i made her give me a time frame and we agreed on two weeks. It's 10 days in now and shes talking to me again and wants to meet. I was going to give her three weeks tops and then move on.

Plan and simple, i want to be with her despite my odds, and the battle it's going to be.

[IndiReloaded]

“We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell”

I hope you find your heaven, OP.