Find it hard to ask my crush out

[TheWulf]

this may sound pathetic, a guy, 24 having a crush
but i see this woman on the train to work each morning but hardly get the chance to talk to her
I have seen her about 6 times and not said anything yet
I have seen her giving me the odd glance and i have done the same but we both dont make eye contact

i am a little shy and i guess she is too

here is the problem
she wears headphones
the train is jam packed and very silent - if i started a conversation everyone would hear
i catch the same train each day so if i make a fool of myself its tough

I know these are excuses but here is what i am thinking of doing

from now on i will try and make eye contact, smile and just say hi
if i get the chance to sit near her i will try and say something

BUT as i have very few chance to speak to her, would this sound ok?
sometimes we walk the same way out the station
if i walked up to her and smiled and said this...

Hi, i'm Kev, i've seen you around and i have been meaning to ask you out to lunch. Its hard to strike a conversation on that deadly silent train, so i thought lunch would be a great opportunity for us to get to know each other? I know this might be out the blue but as i only see you for a short time each morning, i'd regret not asking?

or is that way too long/creepy

I'd like to know where i stand as then i can move on if its bad news
dont want this to be a what if? scenario

[lahnnabell]

I think that's sweet! Just remember to talk slowly and clearly. Don't let your nervousness rile you up, or it'll just be verbal vomit and she'll look at you funny which will only make you more anxious.

Just breathe and go for it. BTW, my ex has a similar nickname to your username. I would never expect him to be on this site so I was very confused. After reading your post, you are definitely not him though, haha.

[Gigabitch]

Give her a big smile and see if she reciprocates in an encouraging manner. it's possible she wears headphones specifically to make people leave her alone.

[Primo]

Ya, what you wrote is fairly bizarre. Follow Giga's advice for starters, if she reciprocates come back here for some tips before you talk.

[VincenzoG91]

I was in a similar situation at age 27, only it was at a bus stop, not a train station, and she wasn't wearing headphones. After weeks of silent crush, I just walked up, smiled and started a brief conversation about the weather. Within days, we were sitting together and talking every day on the bus, and eventually went out a couple of times. The first date was just lunch. Things didn't work out in the long run, but I got the dates by starting with small talk and then talking enough to see if a date seemed like a possibility.

In your specific case, I suggest focusing on the chances to talk before and after the train ride. Once you two know each other slightly, you could also "talk" on the train by taking turns writing on a notepad, assuming that you are sitting side by side, or even texting. She wouldn't even need to take her headphones off.

[TheWizard]

I think you have a decent plan, but do what Giga and Primo said.

Here's a tip that works really well for getting rid of that approach anxiety: talk to other people on the train first. Men, women, kids, whoever. This seems silly but it will make you feel more comfortable with talking to strangers and when you've got the right momentum you can just casually move to her. The result should be a more natural conversation and less of a memorized line that, by the way is not going to come out word for word the way you structured it. Let it flow naturally and be calm it'll be fine

[TheWulf]

good job i didnt do anything today

She is already on the train when i get on
By the way i have never seen her speak to anyone - i have had a couple of train conversations about the weather, but she seems proper shy
sometimes i dont get a seat and have to stand up
we both get off at the final stop which is about 20 mins after i get on
occasionally we walk towards the exit the same way but that is literally a 2 minute walk and if so that is the only time i get close enough to her, but its the question of how do you start a convo with someone who is walking beside you?

Once i leave the station sometimes she walks up this hill the same way as me, once again about 2-3mins before i get to my workplace and she goes off elsewhere.

well in terms on conversation, i'm guessng she likes her music as she always messes on her ipod

i like to read some music mags so i was thinking of just bringing one along and then start asking her about what she is listening to etc and if she like so and so

i know quite a bit about music so hopefully i know what she is on about
then just go from there, gigs etc

i'd say there are about 60-70 people on this train carriage, its 8am and its silent. If anyone talks, everyone looks.

The way i see it, if i strike a conversation on the train, i can keep it going till we walk up the hill and then perhaps one day i could ask her for her number.

Just need the pieces to fit together.

I've never asked a train girl out before, i'm alright one v one. Last gf, i asked out in a book store after a good conversation about travel.

DID i say this is in the UK- us BRITS are very reserved when it come to talking to strangers. Not like the Hugh Grant films in reality i'm afraid.

[MVPlaya]

DID i say this is in the UK- us BRITS are very reserved when it come to talking to strangers.

No, you are very shy when it comes to talking to strangers, BRITS in general have nothing to do with your personal predicament. I know many Brits, male and female, and have stayed in Britain for 6 months as an exchange student in college, there is nothing different at all between how Brits and Americans socialize or how they respond to people trying to pick them up. Same goes for France, Spain, Germany, Holland, Dubai, Mexico.

The problem men like you face in all the aforementioned countries is that you need to grow a pair. You are just a naturally nervous / shy person, so you sit there and justify your shyness in every way possible: she's wearing headphones, the train is jampacked, I'm seated too far, strangers might hear us, there's only two minutes until the exit. Shit, I could probably put her right in front of you with nothing to do and you would still chicken out. No amount of reasoning or logic changes that your problem is shyness and you justify it by claiming the environment is holding you back.

So for guys like you, there's one solution: don't think, just do.

And remember to smile.