My partner confessed that she had a fling with an attached work colleague.

[SydneyMan]

I've got a dilemma. My partner of 3.8 years admitted that she had a fling with one of her male work colleagues (has a girlfriend) during our temporary separation. She spent a lot of time together like as if they were dating including lunches, dinner, went to an amusement park, and staying the night at his apartment.

We have been living together for over a year and have had more of an argumentative relationship rather than a happy relationship living under the same roof. I wanted to leave her, but she was still deeply in love with me and said instead it would be our "time apart" and give ourselves space. I guess I would say that she loves me more than I would love her. So we took 1.5 months apart even though we still lived under the same roof.

For the first 2 weeks she kept on confronting me that she loves me and to try to work it out. But I still didn't want to continue our relationship and put up a cold wall to block her out (I could clearly tell she was saddened that I didn’t want her back). After that initial 2 week period I suspected changes in her and found a shock discovery. Her perfume changed, she started being happy again, dressed more sexier than usual, stayed at a "friends" place overnight, worked longer hours and worked in the weekends. Then I discovered condoms in her sleep over bag. I did not confront her because I was in denial.

I ended up giving her a second chance and we got back together to try work things out without me knowing what happened. She was very edgy about me going near her mobile and laptop which added to the suspicion. One month later she made the confession during a heated argument. She said it was ok because we weren't together. The work colleague has now been engaged to his girlfriend and has been posted overseas. She said they only slept with him once and all other times she didn’t do anything.

She says to me that she’ll never do it again and states that she never liked him but he was there to help her through sadness of me not wanting her and he was there to fill my gap. She does seem like she sincerely loves me so much as I am her first true love. I do want our relationship to work because she shows me so much love, but I’m riddled with the fact that she has been intimate with someone else, not to mention my trust for her is gone.

What do you think?
Does she deserve a second chance since she truthfully confessed everything that happened?
Should I stay or should I go?

[Cain]

You were separated. You said that you DIDN'T want to be with her. She spent two weeks trying to work it out and you still cut her off. There's nothing wrong with her finding another guy while you two weren't together.

I think you're just looking for an excuse to break the relationship off.

[bluesummer]

You should end it firstly because you don't really want this relationship anyway (that's just how it comes across - glaringly)

Secondly, because she screwed someone else in the TWO WEEKS you were separated. To me, that screams easy, flighty, and just wanting attention.......from whoever will give it to her.

Not acceptable in my books. Trust is the biggest factor in a relationship, and it's now missing in yours.

[shh!]

It sounds to me like you are looking for permission to unload her (she loves you more than you love her, right?).

If you want to be free, just tell her. It doesn't matter what she did while you were broken up.