Super Long Post - Help would be very much appreciated :o)

[lafalot]

Hi there

I will firstly apologize for the huge post. I think it will help if i put everything down on here but would be very very grateful for you input if you can stick through and read this :o)

So I shall start from the beginning. 10 years ago aged 14 a boy and a girl met working part time in a local restaurant. They were shy and quiet but got on well and a spark was very obvious between them. Aged 15 the girl moved away and did everything in her power to stay in contact - letters, calls, emails etc and their friendship blossomed. Aged 16 the girl met a new boy and the contact stopped. 2 years later, on return to her home town the girl and boy re-met and re kindled their previous spark. But after a few weeks the girl felt suffocated and ended everything with a very stupid mistake. This mistake lasted 3 years - and the boy also met someone new. Finally after both relationships ended the now man and woman met again and finally had the chance to be together. They had a reletively blissfull year and a half , they had decided they wanted to spend the rest of there life together so announced there engagement and soon ther were running into some difficulties. The woman left her job for hope of a better career path, but this fell through and left her with many money worries. The woman tends to hide away in herself and gets upset when she actually needs to ask for help. The man tried to help but kept telling her her told her so and not really helping at all. He liked to argue that he wanted to move in but she didn't want him to support her in that way. He didn't understand her pride was on the line. They continued this way for another 6 months, arguing and fighting but very much in love, until the woman moved 500 miles away for a summer job. This wasn't because she wanted freedom, she hated not working and it killed her when no one else in her local area replied to job applications. She thought the man would want to go with her too for the summer as he only had temporary work. But he didn't and so more fights ensued until she left. They tried to keep in contact as much as they could, but it proved difficult when she moved to a place with no phone signal and limited internet. She would call him from where ever was possible to try and arrange skype chats but he would usually fail to make it online. This broke her heart and concerned her greatly. The woman returned to her home town for a job and after 6 months on her own and only seeing him for 4 days in that time, she didn't know if it was what she wanted anymore. She was hurt he didn't seem bothered with her return and was aware 6 months was a long time but didn't think it would alter there relationship so much. The man had decided to return to study without even telling his long term love and so on her return he left to move back to university 30 miles away. This isn't far and previously they had both gone back and forth between both towns without any problems. But this time the man had moved in with new housemates and very much returned to his boy status. He started hiding things from the woman and not introducing her to his new friends. He didn't ask her to come and see him and if she did see him, he was very distant. After a short while the woman noticed the boy on his phone a lot and logging into his facebook more which he never did. One day he left his facebook open on his computer and she discovered messages to another girl. She kept this to herself for a few weeks giving him chance to tell her. He went to his new friends birthday when he had told his long term love he was working all the time. The woman was extremely hurt and eventually confronted the boy as to why he was doing this. He fought and said nothing was going on but did nothing else to reassure the woman of his love for her. He told her it was life and that was that. He hid more and more nights out - saying that if the woman knew she would go mad. The woman was only angry because she knew she was being pushed aside. He tried to tell her it was because of his career but she new he wanted the single life. They called the engagment off and carried on until boxing day when a huge fight was started as he wanted to go away for new year but didn't want to tell her. She threw him out of her house and he left to go away. His family decided to make comments to her family, to which the woman was very hurt by so contacted his family in a fit of rage. The woman and boy fought and fought - the woman said a lot of hurtful things but the man wouldn't understand that it was because she was hurt as he had pushed her aside. They stayed in contact every now and then and then decided on a make or break trip away to try and fix things. They had a lovey time away and knew they wanted to be together but on their return he started not contacting her hiding things from her again and claiming it was because of his studies. The woman was diagnoised with depression but the boy doesn't care. He thinks its nothos problem and doesn'y want to help her though the difficult time. He makes time for all his friends in his university and home town but to this day hasn't seen her for 2 and a half months. she is aware of his "single" choices and is aware he is seeing other people. He thinks she is stupid. She is incredibley hurt. She knows she isn't and hasn't been acting like a good nice person but she believes a lot of this to be her condition. He tells her he can't have a relationship because he has to study, work part time and find a house. but the woman doesn't understand this - surely people wouldn't have relationships if their excuses were i'm too busy? Surely thats just life? The woman moved to be looked after by family but the boy doesn't realise the severity of her depression. The woman was back in his home town last week for 7 days and he chose not to see her. The woman doesn't want to believe its all over. She doesn't want to be with anyone else, she doesn't trust him or like him anymore but she loves him very very much. She knows he doesn't want her and it break her heart
She doesn't know what to do. She can't move on. She can't imagine being with anybody else physically and unphysically. It is literally killing her

Sorry for the story - I now cannot see my screen lol - Any outside input would be gratfully received
Thankyou x

[toknow]

Well, it's a tough situation indeed. I think where the woman went wrong is she got "hateful" for not receiving affection back or seeing lack of respect from him. That only pushed him away and turned him off. That's why it's so important to be careful what you say when you are mad in an argument, because once you say it, in most cases it will always be in the back of the person's mind and they would not be able to trust their partner and feel secure or believe that the love is real. A lot of times people don't mean what they say during fights and a lot of times they say exactly what they feel. Either way, hurtful things can permanently damage a relationship. And once this happens the person who once loved you sees you as their adversary. Depending on how bad the damage is, they will feel completely turned off and dislike the person who made them feel that way, because they themselves were made to feel like they are not loved and even despised. If the woman really loves the man, more than her pride - not just on occasion - then she can try to explain that it was a misunderstanding and all that she said doesn't mean anything because she still loves him. And she said all that because she was upset because she didn't see his love for her.