Is this the beginning of the end?

[Purusha2012]

I'm sorry for the long post, please bear with me

Okay so when we meet we worked together. He was currently married and in a mentally abusive relationship. After a year of working together he ended the marriage but was living in his car. We became good friends in the that year. We both had feelings for each other but it didn't come out till after he separated from his ex-wife.

At the time I was living with my mother (to help her with bills since she lost her job) and I couldn't stand the thought of him sleeping in his car in February, so he moved in with us.

Thus was the start of our relationship. I knew it wasn't an ideal situation and it happened fast, but I was so in love I didn't care.

There was so much stress. His ex wife loosing her mind (she was a stay at home mom, hyper-religious....actual she refused to get a job so she could be 100% committed to her church, and she has an emotional disability), the parental alienation that was happening with his children, his finances (she was in control of martial money and she put them 250,000 in debt), the cramp conditions of living at my mother's, and the stress of our jobs (we are both nurses). However, we got through it. Our love never wavered during those times.

Now he is divorced, filing for bankruptcy, and currently we are going to court for visitation of his children. We had to stay with my mom for awhile till she got on her feet. We moved into an apartment together a few months ago. We wanted to get married and start a family. But that can't happen till his finances are wrapped up.

We just started fighting for the first time. Mainly it's because he quite forgetful (he had an abusive childhood and 15 year marriage....I think it fried his brain a bit) and I end up managing his court stuff and money.
He got a promotion from his job (I currently work somewhere else now) but now he's on call 24/7. He's juggling three shifts, has more responsibilities, and is still preforming his old job since they haven't found his replacement. Everyone at the job calls him for every little thing. Now instead of work is at work and home is at home....is ALL about the job. That's all we talk about and that is what our life is about.

I told him that I was feeling secondary to the job and overwhelmed by his personal situations. He is the one who was really pushing to get married. But he has to take care of his bankruptcy and tie up loose ends before that happens. If that is so important to him why is he not doing anything about it? At first he appeared to understand but nothing changed. He said that the stress from the job is getting him mixed up.

So I end up managing his child-custody and bankruptcy stuff, plus our personal life. I feel like I have to handle everything. I told him that I'm not his ex-wife and I don't want to control his life. We fought about it a few days ago again. His work ethic is so strong that he won't waver. He told me that he was been condition to work long hours because he was always trying to get out of the hole that his ex-wife created when they were married. He told me that he will take over with his court stuff....but he doesn't remember to do the things he needs to do.

We are having a communication breakdown. He's becoming distant and I'm completely overwhelmed. It seems we don't understand were we are both coming from. He even said in our last fight "well...we both think differently." I don't know if I can participate with this anymore. For some reason I lost trust in him. I feel jealous and angry. I also feel like I'm loosing my mind.

I don't know if the relationship has run its course or we are at just a rough point. Now I have doubt if he's the one for me and feeling that way has completely crushes me. I told him this and he really didn't have any input. He appears to be shutting down.

I don't know what to do....please help!

[anastasis]

You've got yourself a real co-dependant there. You're being his vicarious ex-wife now. She apparently controlled every aspect of his life, so he's used to women being the leaders and doers in relationships. The more you do for him, the worse the co-dependancy will become.

You need to end this and end it now. Now matter how hard it may be, a true lego-technical co-dependant needs to be on their own until they become independant enough to stand consistantly on their own two feet.

Letting him move in with you was a big, bad idea. He would have been better off staying in his car and pulling himself up by his boot straps. The real thing about a co-dependant is that they know they're a co-dependant, and they secretly despise their controllers.

Verdict? Get out of this relationship as fast as you can, in any way you can, by any means necessary. If you'r not going to be the absolute dictator and controller of the life of a co-dependant, then you have no business being in a relationship with one, because that's all a co-dependant knows.

Radical feminism has led to large scale male co-dependancy upon females in society (e.g. being raised by feminazi single mothers). This is also the reason so many sit around all day, play games and never look for work. What is the point of being a man when society directly attacts what manhood is in its essence--leadership.

[surfhb2]

Hmmmm. You sound like someone from his past possibly? Yes?

Let him take care of it.... If it goes undone it's not your thing to worry about