Ex-Files

[lboogie]

I am still in love with my ex. He has a girlfriend he's been seeing for a while. Recently he told me he's not sure he made the right decision by leaving me for her, but I told him the decision was right for you at that moment. I told him he holds my heart and I will always be a friend and around, to keep on with what he's doing and if he's questioning his decision later on down the road, to address it then. They are going on vacation together for Christmas & New Years, and man it hurts, but I feel like if I express my pain it will encourage his decision and I don't want to do that. I want that decision to be his alone because I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I prevented him from finding his love, if it's not me. Am I making a mistake by not encouraging him to own his feelings and make a decision? I love him dearly and honestly only want him happy. With or without me. I'd rather always have him in my life as a friend, then nothing at all.

[pcmaster]

Well its sucks that you are still in touch because that makes harder for you to move on. But think you should be open about your feelings if you want to be happy. Not just with your ex but in future too. Maybe your ex feels the same way as you but hes not sure about your feelings so he wont act on it.

However I'll stress again that keeping in touch with ex who you are not over is not healthy. Of course being friends are better than having sex with ex but in this case you should focus on friends you don't have romantic feelings against.

Hope you will move on soon and have a happy Christmas.

[lboogie]

Thank you for your quick response! We weren't in touch until recently when I was diagnosed with a serious condition. His mom and I became real close and I told her about the kidney failure, which in turn she told him. He simply wanted me to know he wishes the best and will always care for me, opening up the communication lines. After I got sick, his mom ended up in the hospital with a brain hemorage, putting us back in touch more frequently. Because I was a reliable source of help (pets/laundry/house keeping) while she was recovering, he is impressed with my putting my feelings aside for simply being a good friend to people in need. He couldn't help as much due to his busy schedule. Obviously, I know them & care for them, but I would've done the same for a stranger in need. I would love to say I'm going to cut communication, but I can't see my life without them in it. His family and I are very close. Although, I know your advice is the ticket.

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And Merry Christmas to you as well. Happy new year!

[Wakeup]

As long as he's still with her, he will never fully be with you so don't keep insinuating yourself in their life. He is not thinking he didn't make the right choice, you're just pushing yourself on him and it's confusing him in his time of need. If he wanted you, he would have left her because I'm pretty sure he knows you'd have him.

Let go of your ties to him and HIS MOTHER and do the necessary no contact to get on with your life without him in it. His mother keeping in touch with you when he's with a new woman is really disconcerting TBH. If I was him I'd be asking her to sever ties with you so that you can move on.

Leave them alone now... zero contact. If he wants you he knows where to find you and if/when he finds you, you best tell him to stop contacting you unless he wants to be with you as your boyfriend. Obviously you're unable to be a platonic friend when you are still so romantically emotionally tied to him.. You are not a friend who does not have ulterior motives.

[lboogie]

Yea, you are right, I should just cut all communication. I'm going to try my hardest to take that advice. I definitely want to move on and that seems to be the only way to do so. I have much more important things to deal with then a misconcepted idea of a reconciliation. High Five wakeup. I dig your tough love, blunt advice. Wish me luck. Small steps...but I know I can do it.

[Wakeup]

Yea, you are right, I should just cut all communication. I'm going to try my hardest to take that advice. I definitely want to move on and that seems to be the only way to do so. I have much more important things to deal with then a misconcepted idea of a reconciliation. .

Its refreshing to read someone who "gets it" and has the personal boundaries that help one to be good to oneself.

I don't think you need "good luck" you appear to have the "tools" you need to move beyond this.

Cheers.