keeping secret files on your partner?

[RdHrshyKss]

i check up on reddit every now and then and came across this thread:

[url=http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/d5p9u/reddit_i_need_help_what_would_you_do_if_you_found/]Reddit: I need help. What would you do if you found your husband/wife was keeping a secret file on you? : AskReddit[/url]


thought it was somewhat relevant to the types of things we discuss on this forum. does anyone keep such a file on their partner? has anyone done this in the past? what would be the motive behind it?

there is a lot of speculation going back and forth on reddit as to what this guys wife might be trying to do. lots of men are saying she is preparing a divorce file, and a bunch of women are saying that she might actually feel abused in the relationship and is saving this information so that she doesn't forget the instances.

what are your thoughts on this my fellow forum friends? do you think it's normal to do something like this? when i first read it, my first thought was "divorce file", but then again, how horrible is that? you married this person and feel the need to keep a file on them? why not discuss this stuff openly?

people's thoughts on this?...

[Gigabitch]

That seems pretty petty. Keeping track of arguments is not going to do her a bit of good if she's trying to put together a divorce file. The courts assume that you don't get along if you're getting divorced. You don't need to prove it. She must just be keeping this file so she can vent her bitterness about his faults.

I could see keeping a file if she were going for custody of the kids, but then the file would be full of transgressions against them, not her.

[RdHrshyKss]

yeah, i'm thinking the same thing. since i've never been married and don't know much about marriage laws and such, would a woman be able to receive alimony if she could prove that she was abused by her husband? what are the laws regarding alimony and how a woman would be qualified for such a thing? and how would having all this "evidence" help her in the court of law if they were to get a divorce?

there was mention of him grabbing a remote out of her hands when he was upset and accidentally cutting her finger. this woman took pictures of it and put it in this "file". it seems soooo weird to me. unless like you said there were kids involved and this guy was abusive...rack up all the evidence you can find so that he won't have a chance at gaining custody or whatever. but the guy who posted this thread said that they don't have any children, so that's not even relevant.

a redditor had mentioned the possibility of her having an affair and creating this file so that she wouldn't feel so bad about what she was doing. getting a little far-out there with the ideas, but i'm just wondering what would make someone do something like this. a few women redditors had actually said they had done it before and i was really surprised, i'm a woman and i don't think there is anything normal about doing something like this...

[Gigabitch]

Maybe she says it to her computer so she won't say it to him, like a pressure valve. She should discover the wonders of online forum posting.

[RdHrshyKss]

Maybe she says it to her computer so she won't say it to him, like a pressure valve. She should discover the wonders of online forum posting.

hahaha, so true. the weird things that people will do...

[nerdy_guy]

yeah, i'm thinking the same thing. since i've never been married and don't know much about marriage laws and such, would a woman be able to receive alimony if she could prove that she was abused by her husband? what are the laws regarding alimony and how a woman would be qualified for such a thing? and how would having all this "evidence" help her in the court of law if they were to get a divorce?

there was mention of him grabbing a remote out of her hands when he was upset and accidentally cutting her finger. this woman took pictures of it and put it in this "file". it seems soooo weird to me. unless like you said there were kids involved and this guy was abusive...rack up all the evidence you can find so that he won't have a chance at gaining custody or whatever. but the guy who posted this thread said that they don't have any children, so that's not even relevant.

a redditor had mentioned the possibility of her having an affair and creating this file so that she wouldn't feel so bad about what she was doing. getting a little far-out there with the ideas, but i'm just wondering what would make someone do something like this. a few women redditors had actually said they had done it before and i was really surprised, i'm a woman and i don't think there is anything normal about doing something like this...

Maybe she was trying to rack points so that in the event she wants a divorce, she'd looked like she's a battered and abused wife. I don't know how that works in the US, do you get extra money for those during divorce?

[EBAffair]

Seems like they have some real issues if she can keep such an elaborate file.

[SapphireBerry]

This woman sounds a bit twisted as though she wants to file him into the police for 'abusing' her.
I don't know any cases of this, I mean if I have fights with boyfriends I remember them and bring them up in relevant arguements
but you don't take photos and record arguements and store them on an USB. Whatever she is doing it sounds like she is trying to
rat him out for something he didn't even do. I suggest he get out of that marriage, she sounds a little messed up

[Mish]

Sounds pretty dysfunctional. If she's not happy then she should talk about it or leave. Keeping a record of all the bad things said sounds like she just wants to be the one who has a superpower to win every argument. That makes he look bitter, vindictive and foolish.

[7sins]

women, need i say more?

i kid i kid... lol

[phys251]

And we wonder why so many men have a fear of commitment.