Good friend into lover?

[lost soul]

i know this topic is quite popular here, but my situation is a bit different. I've known this girl since last September, and we've become close friends. I never thought of her to be pretty or anything at first. But, still I would flirt with her every now and then. But, since March, I've began to notice how pretty and attractive she's become and I started liking her. Not just because of her looks, but too be honest, I fell in love with the way she was, her personality!

She would always laugh at my dumb jokes, she would tell me a lot of things, and I trust her, we trust each other. Problem now is that I like her a lot! I even tried to distance our friendship, hoping that I wouldn't like her, and problems occured. She would wonder why I wouldn't want to hang out with her or call her. I explained to her that I liked her and that was the reason why.

So, few weeks pass and we would hang out with each other again. I really can't help my feelings! I really like her! I like her for her being her, ya know? But now guys are starting to say how hot she is and how they want to bang her and all that. I don't care about boning her, I just want to be with her!

Well just recently, I told her about my feelings towards her, literally everything, and I told her that it's really weird for me to be friends with her when I have these feelings for her. She said that it didn't bother her, but it bothers me. It is also quite obvious that she has no interest in me than just a friend.

I am really confused. I want her as my girl and a friend. What to do? And is it possible that we would ever become two?

[Illusional]

wow that is hard being that she doesn't want to return the feelings. hrmm... i know you want to pursure her, and if i were you, i would still try. you never know what the outcome maybe, and with time she may develop feelings for you, OR she may not... are you willing to take that risk of getting hurt? i think that if she does reject you on the other hand, you'll still remain friends with her because you love her personality. raverboy

[lost soul]

sometimes when we hang out, like today.... everything would be cool, then all of a sudden, I would think about my emotions and feelings for her. Then I would just be quiet as a rock, and she would get pissed off. This is the messiest thing I've ever gotten into!

1.) Would it be too weird if I asked her, "lets give it a shot?"???

2.) Would it be too weird to ask her who she likes and why? (i realized that she never shared with me who she likes)

3.) Now, that she knows everything about my feelings towards her, would it be too weird if I still flirted with her, like every now and then????

[Zekk_T_Strife]

1. Chances are she's gonna reject a notion to just "give it a shot." If she was willing to try it out she probably would've reciprocated your feelings a bit more when you revealed everything to her.

2. If you're really close like you say then it wouldn't hurt anything, just don't bring it up like an "instead of you" kind of thing. Like don't say, "well if you don't like me who DO you like?" Don't say that cause then it'll probly make her mad.

3. Flirting should be fine, I've gone through the exact same thing as you've described and I still flirt with her so it shouldn't be a problem.

Hope that helps, good luck man, I can feel exactly where you're coming from.

[Killerbabe]

If I were this girl, I'd just be pissed off at you for not liking me right from the start, I knwo that now you like her and say that OTHER uys think she's hot, but personally you like her personality. That's just great, but in reality, we girls need to hear all those compliments and all the nice stuff about our looks too. maybe she was just a little offended deep down inside cause you never really liked her looks? And then, (maybe she even did that for you!) all of a sudden she becomes attractive and you finally notice that she's actually pretty, she wants to take her revenge and try to make you feel bad by rejecting you. Could that be it? It's just my guess.

[XxNawtyAngelxX]

Although I'm a girl, a friend of mine, Joe, and I went through the same thing. In fact, I told him I didn't want to lead him on, but then he told me he liked me. A few weeks later, I realized I was just hiding my true feelings for him because I didn't want to get hurt, and in the end, I liked him too. Then about two months later, he asked me out and I said yes, I was so excited to be going out with him. But it turns out, it was way too weird for me, he was such a good friend, I just couldn't see him as a boyfriend. So then I broke up with him, but we still remain friends which is awesome. However, we've gotten into more fights since we went out than we did before we went out. So my advice, don't go out with a really good friend, if you two break up in a bad way, your friendship will be ruined. Just ask your friends, I'm sure they'll tell you not to go out with a friend, it will ruin everything!

-Nawty

[lost soul]

Killerbabe, I've told her about her beauty, literally everything. I don't think it has anything to do about the whole looks thing, may be she just doesn't find me attractive???

And Zekk, thanks for the advice. i would still like to read more though from different people.

[lost soul]

it turns out that she likes this dude that she never talks to, infact she's too scared to talk to him. this guy is in a band and she only see's him when they play house shows. weak! ouch!

[Illusional]

well the answer is simple, move on and find someone that is more deserving of your feelings. raverboy

[lost soul]

here's an update... pretty much she doesnt wanna hang out with me any more (she said that in a "nice" way) and the past few days it was evident that she didn't even want to talk. so i confronted her about it last night. She started bitching at me about how sick she was of me coming up with these "thoughts" and she said they were false, so later that night we got into some what of an arguement. i told her that it's too weird to be friends with her when i have feelings for her and she doesnt have the same for me... i dunno i think i ****ed EVERYTHING up!? help?

[Illusional]

calm down, and in fact, let her calm down too. she doesn't want to deal with the problem like an adult so i suggest that you give her some space to sort things out. if she doesn't want to remain as friends, i'd say **** it because good friends can go through anything. raverboy

[shafkore]

I agree totally with Illusional. She sounds extremely weak, not to mention EXTREMELY insensitive to your feelings. My brother, I feel the only thing you would get out of this relationship would be heartache and an empty pocket. I can see this gurl using you --- using your love (crush?) for her as torque to continue her satisfaction. Her love obviously does not reciprocate, therefore she would have to keep herself satisfied with material objects.

No, I don't think you messed anything up. You opened your heart up to her. You let her have a 'peak' inside. She looked, and she was too childish to appreciate what you did (the risk of letting her see). Let her go. She does not appreciate you.

If you two were to ever be together, I think it should only be if SHE came back to YOU. Don't fall down, and look for her for help. Stay strong. You have friends here, and I know right now when I say this, it will sound like crap, but: THERE ARE OTHER FISH IN THE SEA. Heal the heart-ache, then go fishing again.

Your brother,
Chafie

[ViSionS]

Shafkore is right. I agree with everything he said. Well almost everything. I don't think she will 'necessicarily' drain him financially, but that is a posibilty.

'If you two were to ever be together, I think it should only be if SHE came back to YOU. Don't fall down, and look for her for help. Stay strong.'

I especially agree with this statement. Reflect, remember, forgive, and move on as soon as possible! Her age is definately showing in this instance, which is fine, but make sure you know that that is all that it is. She simply doesn't know how to deal constructively with the fact that you are having emotions that involve her. She just needs some time like Illusional said. Just drop the subject with her and concentrate on something else when you are with her, and it will probably blow over not only with her but with you as well. Seriously. Pressing the subject is definatly going to cause problems. Just know you told her how you felt, and know that that is all you can do, and be ok with it. It sounds to me like you are pressing this issue more than she is comfortable with.

'She started bitching at me about how sick she was of me coming up with these "thoughts" '

This statement is what made me think you have talked to her about it more than once or twice, but I could be wrong.

Don't worry though, you can probably still be friends, if you were as close as you claim. Even when you mess up realy bad (which this is by no means realy bad) your true friends, will always be your true friends, although some time might be needed to get over the fact that you messed up realy bad. To illustrate, my best friend (of 15 years) and I got in a knock down, drag out, no rules fist fight one night, after we had been drinking a little too much. The worst of it was when I grabbed him in a headlock and delivered 6 uppercuts to his chin, which he responded by sticking his thumb in my eye which made me let go. We didn't talk for about 2 months after that, but once we did, we realized that it was silly to be mad at each other over bruises that had healed weeks ago, and we are best friends once again. Anyway, I'm rambling now, hope that helps.
ViSionS