Lost and Confused, Some Help?

[Ditto-]

Hi guys, I'd like to apologize first if my story is too lengthy, but here goes.

So, I met this girl last year in college, and I really fell for her and I was glad she feels the same way too. We're both madly in love with each other, and we always have a great time together no matter what we do.

In February, she left the country to further her studies while I am here as I failed to get into the university she is in (I got better grades, but the course I am pursuing had high entry requirements to undertake). We then maintained a long-distance relationship (LDR) up till now and we're still doing good.

Though sometimes we tend to argue quite often, and tend to have this bit of tension between us since we're so far away. I still love her no matter what, and I'd do anything to see her happy. When we were here, I'd buy her jewelery, decorated the room with rose petals, bought her unexpected meals of her favourite food, made a box full of stars for her etc etc.

Was just wondering, is this normal for people to go through? As in the arguing and the tension? I mean, I talk to her everyday through Skype as well as on the phone. But sometimes when I tend to like talk about random stuff (like telling her about some stupid stuff I saw from a movie I watched) and do random stuff (play with the soft toy she gave me too much when I'm talking to her), she gets irritated and starts to blast me and that's when the tension and everything starts.

Another issue is that she thinks that I don't love her as much as she loves me. I know it might be common, but she treats it to the point where she gets upset and sad about me over it, and deep down, my heart and my life is only dedicated to her and I've tried everything I can to please her and try to make her feel as much love as possible.

I ignore the fact that she was sexually harassed by her ex-boyfriend in the past (we live in a very conservative society) although I don't really mind that at all, I ignore the fact that her parents does not know that we're having a relationship for the past 14months, I understand that she has to shield many things from her parents to cover up and such so there are times where we'd hardly be able to spend as much time as normal partners do.

Like the time when she was leaving overseas, with only a week left before she is leaving, I was only limited to 2days of alone time with her and that is only for several hours a day (roughly 4hours). I minded it a little, probably because I couldn't accept the fact that she was leaving (I cried each time I had to part ways with her as well as while driving home from the airport and when I was at home trying to sleep as well as when my parents asked me whether I missed her or not).

How do I make her feel that she is loved and that I am not treating her as though she does not warrant a big role in my life? She is everything to me, and I have sacrificed so much as well for her in which kind to think of it, I wouldn't do even for my parents.

Lastly, there's this issue where guys would always hit on her. I know some of you might tell me to take it as a compliment but put yourself in my shoes then you'll know.

She has this friend since she was 7-8, and he was her best friend as well as boyfriend at one point. He has deep feelings for her ever since and although she keeps telling me he doesn't as well as how he keeps telling her he likes another girl (why do boys like to do that?!?), I know he still likes her deep down.

Just yesterday, he confessed telling her that he couldn't go after another girl because he thinks he can never feel the same about any other girl than my girlfriend. My girlfriend still treats him as a dear friend (despite telling me he is nothing to her), I know this because he is the only friend that she keeps in touch ever so often no matter what happens as well as all through the duration of our relationship.

I don't hold any grudges on the guy, coz' if there's one guy I would want her to be with if I die now, it'll be him. However, I feel really uncomfortable about the fact that she knows that and she does not try to clear the air between him and herself. She says "he has not make things awkward, so there's no reason to". However, it is awkward and uncomfortable to me!

Imagine having your girlfriend having to talk to this guy who wants your girlfriend to be his girlfriend and then whenever you and your girlfriend talk about it, you either get into an argument or she just blows the topic away without wanting to talk about it.

Now that she's over there, there are a couple of guys hitting on her too as to ask her out on dates. She just tells them that she's busy, and when they ask her about the next time, she responds with "okay" and just plays along. I know she isn't cheating on me, however things like these do make me feel uncomfortable as I have sacrificed all my time and my time with my friends (I don't even speak to girls now, yes, that's how much I've given up) just so she could feel comfortable with the relationship we're having.

Why is it that most girls who do the "I don't want to go out with him. But eventually I give in to him asking me out..."? And also, is it normal for me to feel uncomfortable? I tried telling her that, but we got into an argument where she stated that she wanted a break from the relationship to realize "how much we love each other".

Also, is it normal for her to think that guys who act girlish are not guys? I mean she doesn't mind these two guys who she says are quite gay-ish to touch her and hold her hands or wrap their hands around her when they take pictures and such. (note: conservative society again, hence I was brought up this way, although I find myself not that conservative compared to the society I live in) So, is that a norm too?

I am moving to the country she's studying at next month to further my studies, however in a different state. I wanted to go to UK (my childhood dream), but I gave that up so that I could be closer to her. Can anyone help me? Do you think I am being too self-centered in the relationship?

[Gigabitch]

I don't like her and I don't like the changes you've made in your life to be with her. i think you should revisit the idea of going to UK.

[hoppy1214]

It sounds like you are too clingy. And your girlfriend, being young, wants to 'have her cake and eat it, too.' She loves you and sees that you will take care of her and always treat her well. But she also wants to date other guys, just to see what it's like. I'd say you should take that break and go to the UK. Date other girls, focus on your studies. A year from now, if you both miss each other and want to get back together, then give it a try. Honestly, you both just need to experience the world a little more before you can be satisfied being together forever.

[Ditto-]

I don't like her and I don't like the changes you've made in your life to be with her. i think you should revisit the idea of going to UK.

It's normal I guess in some ways that she defends her position, but I'm just not sure as to whether things are supposed to be like that or vice versa.

I don't mind making those changes, as long as I can do my part to make her happy, I really love her. ;(

At the start of the relationship, we used to be healthy, as in we'd never ever argue or get frustrated with each other for like the first 5months? ;/

It sounds like you are too clingy. And your girlfriend, being young, wants to 'have her cake and eat it, too.' She loves you and sees that you will take care of her and always treat her well. But she also wants to date other guys, just to see what it's like. I'd say you should take that break and go to the UK. Date other girls, focus on your studies. A year from now, if you both miss each other and want to get back together, then give it a try. Honestly, you both just need to experience the world a little more before you can be satisfied being together forever.

Yeah, I am a bit clingy and spot on about the way she feels about me. I don't think she wants to date other guys, it's just that she just doesn't want her relationship with them to have like any awkwardness or for it to be ruined. But the thing is, it makes me uncomfortable at the same time as mentioned.

And the fact that she knows that, and kind of like doesn't do a thing about it makes me wonder as to why is it that those relationships are so important when she tells that they mean nothing?

I mean, for all I've sacrificed, I even hindered myself from speaking to my friends whom are girls and now I've basically lost all contact with them and also I've done my part as to straight away making a girl that likes me know that I am not interested and she should just walk away.

I really love my girlfriend, I can't picture anyone else that I can be as comfortable when I'm with her physically.

I kind of had the same thought earlier in the month, but I was thinking "let's just see when I'm there and how things go".


To Gigabitch and hoppy1214: I can't go to UK anymore, my childhood dream was to study in UK, but I decided not to apply for the University of Manchester and Glasgow (although I could get in as I have spoken with the representatives there), just so that I could be closer to her. My course begins in early July and I've already enrolled in a university there, however it's about a 2hour flight from where she is.