Really need some help right now(Long Read)

[Ze5004]

I have this problem that I seem to talk to my friends and they all don't understand it, and neither do I. Basically, I'm dating a wonderful girl that I always wanted to be with, we've known each other for 5 years and I was her best friend and we have always gotten along so well.

Well this started out as a long distance relationship between me and her but now she lives about 5 minutes away and I can see her all the time.
At one point, she tells me that she has this amazing connection with her best friend(guy) and that she loves me to death and doesn't like him, but she wants that connection with me. I asked her what she meant and she says she can't explain it. She says that he just gets her and understands how she feels without having to say anything, and apparently he also know what she is thinking, she says.

I treat her with all my respect, I always talked her into a good mood when she was upset with her previous boyfriends or had any problems, I always made her feel so good. She told me that Im the perfect guy and I do everything right but she still wants a connection like she has with her best friend. Now she is upset about the future, and we both worry about what will happen. She says it is suppose to happen naturally, not something I can change myself for. We had arguments recently because I saw comments and such on facebook and myspace between the two of them and I was thinking that she is just falling for him, but she re-assured me she wasn't.

She says the guy doesn't want to interfere with our relationship and he said he feels like he shouldnt talk to her because it may confuse her and she may make the wrong decision. She got mad about that, saying she was offended because it had nothing to do with him and her. Now her best friend won't talk to her about these type of problems because he doesn't want to feel like he is hindering our relationship. She says to me that she doesn't want to loose a best friend who was always there for her over this. Also, I asked her about her previos boyfriends, and she said she never had or looked for this type of connection yet she was in like 2 year relationships with each of them.

Where am I suppose to find this connection? How will I know, I've never been different towards her since we started dating, always tell her I love her because I do, massage her, do cute things. All of a sudden before she moves near me this happens, and she brings this connection thing up. We have had similar fights before where it seemed like she would just bring up problems that did not exist. I understand thats partially because her last boyfriend cheater on her and treated her like crap.

She said that I aggravate her by asking too many questions, not understanding what she says sometimes, and not leaving her be when she is upset. I have started to change that a few days ago, but she told me this in September. Now she says she doesn't wait for ever and she is very impatient.

She told me today that she does not know what she wants at all and that if she knew she would be telling me. She also is telling me that she will be making her decision whether we should be together or not based on if we have that connection she has with her best friend.

This is really hard for me and its sad for both of us. Since she's been here we hang out everyday but she doesn't act the same, we haven't done anything intimately in a long time either. I'm really wondering if she just wants someone else?

What should be done? I want to be with this girl, I never met anyone like her before and I really love her because of the way she is.

[girl68]

You cannot force the connection it is there or it isn't and in your case it isn't.

I don't really care what she insists, she will fall for this best guy friend. She perhaps already has but refuses to admit it so far.

The bff sounds like a great guy... so I don't think there is worry that they will cheat on you... but yeah.

[LittlePinky82]

You cannot force the connection it is there or it isn't and in your case it isn't.

I don't really care what she insists, she will fall for this best guy friend. She perhaps already has but refuses to admit it so far.

The bff sounds like a great guy... so I don't think there is worry that they will cheat on you... but yeah.

I agree. I don't think the friend would cheat either. At least going by what has been said. Perhaps maybe try just not talking for a little while and letting her figure things out. It seems like an awful situation.

[Ze5004]

It is a horrible situation..She's never said anything like this before, until now, and I'm pretty sure its because they hung out a lot before she moved here. They both have comments on their msypace/facebook about each other and saying they feel sad and miss each other.

Today she told me she wanted to be alone, that she hated the situation. I didn't talk to her at all then she Im's me saying she hurts so bad. I told her I'm miserable as well. I don't know what to do. She says she doesn't want me not in her life, but she wants time alone to make her decision. I told her I would give her all the time she needed..she never said its over, on facebook it still says we are going out.

I dunno what is going on at all..what am I waiting for if she has no clue what she wants, is this right? I mean I love her to death but I still think she may like this guy and then I will end up feeling even worse. I dunno how much worse I could feel because this is pretty devastating..

[vashti]

You might feel better if you try taking some responsibility for the outcome of this relationship. Why does SHE get to make all the decisions? This impacts YOUR life, too.

I don't see this working out. She doesn't think you have the right connection, and you can't fake that. If I were you, I'd bite the bullet and break it off with her. She's just stringing you along at this point, my friend.

[Ze5004]

I don't see how we dont have the right connection, all before she said we got a long so well, we are very open about everything, and we just felt complete with each other. How is that not a connection?

I think her problem is that she went to her friend to talk things out when she had a fight with me, rather than talk to me because I would just continue to ask questions and not understand what she was saying sometime..but since then I've been trying to do all that she wants me to do.

I think that her friend always talking her through things confused her about how she felt about me.

So you say to take responsibility? Is the only option to break it off with her? I really don't want to because for some reason I keep thinking that she will be ok. I mean she got upset at me when I accused her of liking her best friend, saying that I was throwing a fit about nothing.

[girl68]

Listen dude, things change. connections can get stronger, but they can also dissolve.

[Ze5004]

I see, well I didn't talk to her at all till now and she said if she feels better she wants to see me because she misses me. I'm gonna tell her that if she doesn't open herself up and let others surprise her and connect with her, rather than dwell on one thing and be sad about that, than she won't be happy with me and I want her to be happy even if it is not with me. I'll give her time and watever, but its her problem that she does not know what she wants. I'm kind of getting tired of trying when all it seems like is she is just stuborn, and always wants to pick a fight about something.