Okay firstly I'll say that I am really quite shy and I've never had a boyfriend and have never mentioned anything to my friends if I had a crush on someone. *As far as they know I simply don't ever feel that way about someone. *Also most of friends have always been male. *
In my orchestra there is a guy I very much so like and have for about a year. *For the past few months I've been trying to convince myself that it's just a silly little crush that will go away however we've just come back from tour where i've seen him all day everyday for a week straight and I know I've been fooling myself. *Unlike me he does not come across shy. *He is far from being attention seeking though. *He tends to be quite quiet in groups with this permanent grin as he listens. *And not only am I sure that he's caught me staring before quickly looking away during rehersal I've caught doing the same as well. *About six months ago I was with a group during break and they were trying to work out who there had never had a boyfriend or girlfriend before. *I know he hasn't and I know he knows I haven't. *Also he has a few female friends in the orchestra who he will quite happily talk with and walk with however around me I'd be lucky to get five words out of him despite my efforts to start a conversation (which wasn't easy for me to do considering my shyness).
I am 18 and he is nearly 20.
So right now I am very confused. *Not only about what to do but also about my own feelings. *I have never felt this way before. *I know it's not love but he is constantly in my head at the moment. *I've always told my friends that I'd never want a boyfriend and now I don't know what I want. *Or what he wants. *I am so confused. *What's happening? *What should I do? Does he like me? What's he thinking? *Why wont he talk to me? *
I'd be happy even if we could just be friends like I or he is with any other. *But I can't stay with how it is at the moment.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. *Thanks.