Southern Ladies? Advice needed please

[blackiesharley]

This is gonna sound a bit strange and before anyone say's 'Blackie all of your posts are' I'll admit it.

Here's the deal....

After spending most of my life in Los Angeles, I recently moved to the South on the Gulf of Mexico. Life is good. Cheap real estate, bought a nice house for 1/3 of what I was paying in rent in Hollywood, the people are friendly, no traffic, fresh seafood at a reasonable price, little or no crime, I could go on and on....

I've 'met' two beautiful Southern Belles. OK, online, one that was/is doing some programing work for me, another on Match.com. Both seem very interested but I've still got that L.A. attitude of 'don't come on too strong, all women want a challenge.' Guess it comes from being around Sunset Strip bimbos for years.

Are Southern women different? Do they want/expect a man to come on a little strong ? (Not sexually, just dating wise) Everything seems so much more simple and less complicated down here, no games. A different mentality with everybody from the corner grocer to the local bank. What you see is what you get. I wonder if it's the same with dating?

I know it's a vague question, but any input is appreciated.

Thanks

[whaywardj]

I can't answer your question. It so generalizes a group of people that anything anyone might say could just as easily be right, wrong or irrelevant.

[Junket]

That is quite an interesting question.

You're one of the few that seem to have questions nobody has quite answered yet.

[whaywardj]

Okay, Fras. I'll accept the challenge. Having lived in L.A. and currently living in Alabama, I should be able to knock out one or two insights for Blackie.

To begin with, Blackie, anything I say about the South or Southern Women is Alabama-specific. For starters, the South is one of the last bastions of a Roman-Greco wealth mentality. Which is to say, if ain't gold, money or land, it ain't wealth. Paper wealth, such as investments, don't count. (Not unlike La-La Land in that regard.) As result, there is a large emphasis on materialism and "breeding" (who you know). (Also, not unlike L.A.)

Not that this outlook is ever explicitly expressed, of course. It's all understood. Which brings me to a second characteristic of the South: Many here say all the right things for all the wrong reasons. And few here seldom say what they actually mean. (Unless they're bawling you out. Then they're QUITE clear on what they think about you.) This whole manner of speech is based on the idea of always being polite. Hence, you'll quickly get in the habit of saying, "Yes, sir" and "Yes, M'amm" a lot if you spend any length of time in the South.

These two chareacteristics of the culture manifest in individuals in the ways you might expect. Men, for example, display material prowess at every possible turn. Women display refinement at every possible turn. Especially married women. The idea, of course, being to convery, "See, how wealthy we are. I don't have to work because my husband is a BIG bread winner and look at the size of my diamond as I flash it while, ostensibly, pulling back a lock of hair." And all other such poppycock as that. In few words, all very conservative and very MOR (middle of the road) on all matters. Idea being: Don't make waves. Don't stand out. Conform. (Wholly UNlike L.A.)

So, you can imagine how eligible Southern Women are, generally, predisposed. They'll first calculate your wealth and guage just how "gentlemanly" you are (polite, soft spoken, not prone to emotional outbursts, etc.,) BUT THEN: They'll look behind all that to see how well you've managed to remain an individual under the press of conformity they're suffocating under.

In my case, just being from California bought me entree into many a woman's bed. When they found out I could "talk good," they went ga-ga and and turned up their butts to me. Never had so much anal sex with women as I've had in this state. What flipped them out, was how "unique" I seemed. What REALLY flips them out is for a man to be COMPLETELY integrated into the culture (wealthy, polite, respected in the community, etc.) AND UTTERLY off the hook in his own right. Being able to blend well into the community but still not submit to mindless conformity signals to them a range prowess they simply melt around. Key word that: Prowess. Not like muscle-bound and bullying. But like confident and calm.

So much for the "player" environent. If it's not just sex but committment you're interested in, you need to add one element to all the others Southern Women look for: complete and unshakeable dedication. A Southern Woman will fight like a man to protect what she loves, and she'll crawl through broken glass on her hands and knees to please who she loves. She'll expect no less dedication from you.

As to things moving more slowly in the South. This is true. One of the no-noes here is showing desperation in public. People who are in a hurry to sign the deal, get the job done, or who even talk too fast, put Southerners off a little. All the hyperactivity makes them wonder what the person is running from or trying to hide to be in such a hurry all the time. Go slow.

Oh, yeah: Get used to a lot of religious allusions, and to churches. Here churches are more than just places of worship, and no one is shy about expressing their faith in everyday conversation. Took me a long time to get people I know comfortable with the idea that I don't wear my faith on my sleeve. Because I wasn't ever talking about it, or about what I'd done at church that week, many thought I was an atheist and were surprised to learn I'm actually Catholic.

FWIW.

[Asip4u]

whaywardj, as usual, well done ..i think he'll get a lot from this

[whaywardj]

Thanks, Asi. One of my more long-winded ones. Which is why I tried to avoid answering Blackie altogether. Too broad of a question. But then Fras had to go and tweak my male pride. :-)

[shh!]

California girls = anal sex? I never heard that before. Someone must've forgotten to tell me about that.
:-)

[whaywardj]

No, shh! Frequent anal sex with ALABAMA girls. A kind of emergency birth control, I think explains some of it.

[shh!]

Oops; I misread! It makes sense, though. Those bible-belt, Southern women probably have a higher interest in maintaining their "virginity"...

[whaywardj]

The women I knew were a little older than to be concerned over virginity. Actually, I can't explain to myself why it seems less a taboo here.

[Junket]

Those crazy Christians...

[misombra]

it's probably because california women already have something up their ass.

i'm just kidding shh!

[whaywardj]

ROFLMAO!! PERFECT!, misombra.

[blackiesharley]

whaywardj -

Anal huh? Well... What can I say? Invest in K-Y stock? LOL.

Anyway, thanks for all the input (no pun intended) I guess the reason I originally posted that question was that I see a much different attitude/dynamic in the people (in general) down here (mostly positive) than people in L.A. (again, less game playing and phonyness than in L.A.) and was wondering if the same holds true with women, or if there's something I should know.

I too am in Alabama now (Gulf Shores area) and haven't really had time to hit the beach or check out some of the clubs I've heard about.

The 'Yes Sir' or ' Have a good day, Sir' from everybody from the gas station attendant to McDonalds drive though did make me feel a little old at first (I have a few grey hairs but I'm not THAT old) until I realized that's just the custom here.

Also, the religion thing that you mentioned IS getting on my nerves a bit down here. I, like you, am a Catholic but that to me is a VERY private personal matter and nobody's f++king business, and I resent being asked 'Where do you go to church?' constantly.

I thought for a brief moment about opening a small strip club here. Seemed like a good biz opp until I realized that every other building (almost litterly) in commercial areas is a church. I have a nice lawn and don't need a burning cross to screw it up LOL.

Anyway, just got a IM from my 'Missippii Queen,' so gotta go for now.

Thanks again,

Blackie

[shh!]

Just let me say that I don't know WHO you all were hanging out with in LA - the people I am friends with are not represented by your bad stereotypes. Maybe you guys just attract losers! I'll take my LA phony, bad attitude, gun-slinging gang banging, multi-ethnic buddies any day over those fire-and-brimstone bible thumpers, thank you! (And we have better food, too!)
:-D