Need help, suffering from broken heart....

[CN1282]

I am new to this site and I am struggling mightily with a broken heart. The pain is unbearable at times mentally and physically. I constantly am thinking of my ex girlfriend and cannot stop dwelling on the past and the what ifs and i cant stop wishing i could have done certain things differently etc... Let me start by telling my story

I met my ex in October of 2006 at the gym that we both used to go to. The funny thing was that I had known her from years before. We both live in the same town and went to the same high school. I am 27 now and she is 25. I remember when I was a senior in high school, she was a sophmore and I thought to myself that she was going to be absolutely gorgeous when she gets older. We actually started to hang out a little my senior year and we even kissed once.

I ended up going to college and never saw her again until I ran into her at the gym in October of 2006. I remember that morning like it was yesterday because when I laid eyes on her there I was amazed by how beautiful she was and I instantly thought to myself how I would love to date her but never thought it would happen. Anyway, it took me a week or two to get the courage to talk to her and then another week or two to work up the nerve to ask her out.

Once we did go out we hit it off great and fell in love. We were perfect for each other in our eyes as well as in the eyes of all of our friends and family. We officially became a couple dating on 12/1/06. The relationship was amazing and I was head over heels for her and still am.

One of the problems is that around the time I started dating her, I had just begun a new job. I was very unhappy with my prior job and i wasnt very happy in general until she came into my life. She was like an angel sent from heaven. I started this new job and to make a long story short, I realized that it was dead end and i became very unhappy with that part of my life. I was literally miserable and even became depressed. She knew how unhappy I was and she was always there for me. It got to the point where I was so unhappy and miserable with work, that it sucked the life out of me. I lost interest and motivation to do things, by the time the weekend came around, I was so drained mentally and physicallly that we pretty much spent friday and saturday nights at her house just layin in bed watching movies or tv shows and having a few glasses of wine.

It got to the point where my sex drive almost became non exist now that I can look back in hindsight. I was clearly depressed. The thing is, there were some warning signs from her periodically, but they were always through email because i guess it was a touchy subject to talk about wich i can understand but we were so close and loved each other so much that I dont know how she couldnt just tell me these things to my face. I was in such a horrible state of mind and so unhappy with my self and the career part of my life, that I would see the warnings when she sent them, but fall back into that rutt shortly after. It was almost like i knew i needed help, but was so stuck that i couldnt seek it.

Anyway, In October of 2009 on a regular friday night, i went over her house as usual and when i walked in i could see that she had been crying. My heart started to beat rapidly, my stomach dropped, and I had that instant feeling in my gut that she was going to break up with me. This was totallly out of the blue but I just sensed it. She went on to pour her heart out to me and in a nutshell she said that everything was so perfect and she never though the relationship would end because I had become almost non existant in an intimate way if you know what i mean. She also said that we got to comfortable. She also said that she thought she was already to far gone, meaning it was to late to change her mind.

I begged and pleaded with her that i was going through a hard time in my life and that was the true reason and that she knew that. I promised her that things would become better. Anyway, she didnt break up with me and we agreed to take it slow, one day at a time and work on it.

To make another long story short, for the next month she never really wanted to hang out, she stopped telling me she loved me, and wheneve we were together and i went to kiss her, she always gave me the cheek. It was clear that she had already made up her mind a month earlier ans she strung me along for a month.

She broke up with my in early November and she literally transformed into a completely different person, someone I never knew existed. She started dating some kid that her best friend hooked her up with literally days after she broke up with me and is still with this kid. To make it worse, i see them together all the time at the gym, and her pictures on facebook are of them kissing and on vacation together. My cousins have ran into her a bunch of times and spoke to her and they have told me that she just isnt the same person anymore, that shes weird all of a sudden and that she seems to literally not give a shit about me almost like we never dated.

This is the girl that was madly in love with me as I was with her(and obviouslt still am). We spoke many times about getting married and spending our lives together. How can she be that close with me and that in love with me for 3 years and just transform on a dime like that. Not only into a complete stranger, but to not even care about me. And how can you instantly started dating the first guy that comes your way. I know who this guy is to, he isnt a good looking guy and he isnt a great person at all. He just happens to be the best friend of her best friends's fiance. Hence the whole tryin to hook her up knowing what she was going through.

I havnt spoken to her since November. I have tried callin a few times but gave up because she never answered. Like I said, I see them together at the gym and it makes me so sad and hurt so much. We live in the same small town so I am going to see her there a lot and I am going to see her in passing a lot.

I literally thought i was going to be with her forever as did she. How is this all possible. How could she not have tried everything possible to work out any problems or issues she had with the relationship as oppoed to just bailing on me like that. It doesnt make sense.

I have lost 18 pounds since the breakup from lack of sleep and appetite. I cant imagine ever loving or being loved by another woman.

Please help

[QueenofCorona]

Thats harsh. Its terrible when a person you once loved so much becomes someone else completley. This happened to me in college. My bf was my knight in shining armour. I thought we'd get married. At this same time my family was a mess. My sister had a bad drug problem and my parents dumped it all on me. My bf was too busy partying to be there for me and one day dumped me. Turned out he was cheating on me. The best part is the girl he was now dating ended up moving into my apartment complex. Same floor. It was awful. Like you, I'd hear from friends how much he changed and they didn't know him anymore. Luckily for me he ditched all our mutual friends for her and I didn't run into him often.

I suggest maybe switching to another gym or not blocking her on FB but not looking at her page or making it so her updates don't appear in your news feed. Out of sight, out of mind isn't 100% true but it can certainly help feel like you aren't getting punched in the stomach as much. Surround yourself with friends and family who are supportive and love you. Now that the weather is getting nicer out maybe run or walk outside with music, it always helps take me to another place.

[cmacattack1]

When you say that she broke up with you out of the blue, was it really out of the blue? You say you got the emails from her for a while and that you just fell back into that rut after. That's the definition of being too comfortable in a relationship. Sure, she could have spoke to you in person about these things, but I'm guessing that they probably wouldn't have made much of a difference ya know? I was a very depressed person in my relationship and it really sucked the life out it, the fun, the romance, the intimacy, the connection. She could have tried all she wanted to, but it's really up to you to pull yourself out this yourself. Only you can do it.

Imagine how I felt when my ex tried her hardest and I just brushed off her ideas and suggestions. It doesn't sound like you got nearly half that effort on her part. In a way it's sabatoging the relationship, like you don't think you deserve it. That was at least my problem. Maybe yours is a little different.

I know it's difficult to think that after saying she wanted to marry you and all that that she could just turn on those words? My ex said the same thing to me after A MONTH of dating and by 8 months we were on our way to break up town. It's premature to jump to such conclusions about how you feel because you don't know how you will feel later on in life but at the same time you have to wonder where this relationship is going. It's what we all want so it's what we all ultimately strive for. Don't hold it against her that she said those things because that's probably how she felt at the time.

And the fact that you tried to beg your way back into it saying you changed kind of showed how desparate and afraid you were to lose her and it didn't really matter in her mind. There isn't anything you can do to change her mind or how she feels and that's why she just continued to disconnect from you further for the next month. No matter how little she feels for you anymore, it's still difficult to break up somebody you are dating for three years and wonder if it's a mistake. Only she can find this out on her own and it would have probably been better to cut your losses and let her go without much of an argument. That would have been a bit of a shock for her I think as well. Not that it matters now, but this has to be an eye opener for you and has to be full of valuable lessons and experience for you.

I know you want to think the worst of this new guy and it's very possible that he isn't that good a guy. It's convienient for her and her friend because they can do everything together and have friendships and boyfriends/fiancees all the while. So why would she be in something like that with a less better guy? Because she is living for the moment, it's new and exciting, and believe it or not he makes her happy. If he is theoretically a shitty guy, then logically they won't last. And guess who is going to be on her mind after they break up? Besides him, it's going to be you. The one that she has been making all the comparisons to all along.

So you had a chance and you screwed it up. She contributed too, but it was a mess up. I'm sorry man. You may not even get another chance. This should be all the more reason to pull yourself out of your rut and try and get yourself back to that guy she fell in love with in the first place. It's not likely but you never know when you will run into her in the future (when she's not dating the other guy anymore). And you want to be ready.

[CN1282]

Thank you for your input and advice. It seems we went through very similar situations in our relationships. That seems to be the consensus of what everyone is telling me. That only I can get myself out of the rutt I have been in for so long and begin to better myself and start a new life. I definately am not holding out hope that we will get back together in the future as much as i want to, my gut tells me that she will never contact me again wich kills me because of how close and loving we were. It is also very easy to hear everyone say that this happened for a reason, that she isnt the one and i will find the one and that girl will be even more attractive an better overall. Its just hard to believe when you truly thought that your ex was the one and you still have feelings for her even though she could care less about you.

Maybe this was a learning experience for me, a lesson to learn so that when the "one" does come into my life, I will not mess it up. Thats what I truly hope

[cmacattack1]

You wanted her to be your "one" but it's not possible right now. Maybe you want somebody else to be your "one" when you meet them. I know you will feel like she will never contact you again but things happen when you least expect them. Right now, she is focused on this guy and of course even if you pop up in her head she is going to squelch it with thoughts of the new guy. Or maybe she doesn't think about you at all. Only she knows the answer to this and you know bugging her right now will just make things worse. It's easier on you to try and concentrate on something else and focus elsewhere, because time will pass by much quicker and you may or may not care about her again. Waiting around will be brutal though especially with so much unknown.

It might be too soon for you and that's okay. You should be your main focus and getting your confidence back up to where you are happy with yourself. Then you will be happy with somebody else. It seems every week I will go through ups and downs on my confidence and my dating life isn't going to well. Keep in mind this is going on four months of no contact with her, and she has had a guy these whole four months. It's almost like pressure is being put on you to try and find somebody else the longer they are happy with somebody else, but you have nothing but time now. Work on you, and maximize your opportunities. There is so much in the world to do, be it going on a vacation (maybe not if you are broke from your job hunting), clubs, classes, anything that will help you meet other people, even if they are just friends. That's when I'm at my high point when I am having fun with my friends. I am at my low points when I'm by myself wondering about what has happened and what could have been. You have what it takes to make something of yourself and if this isn't motivation enough to do something about it, I don't know what is. The sooner, the better.

[mark_pw]

I recently read a book about how to get the ex back. Valentine's day has just passed. I feel like reading something about relationships. Peoples are busy nowadays. Time shared with the other half is depleted by works and internets. The links between couples are weakened in some extend. I found this book in iPhone App Store. The book is easy to read. There are some seem-to-be obvious points about how to cure a relationship. They are not only applicable to lovers but also couples. Also, it listed some observations indicating the ex is willing go rebuild the relationship.

You can find the book by searching "making up magic" at iPhone App Store.

I just found that it is available for kindle download. Search "making up magic" at amazon.com.

[lhn]

I recently read a book about how to get the ex back. Valentine's day has just passed. I feel like reading something about relationships. Peoples are busy nowadays. Time shared with the other half is depleted by works and internets. The links between couples are weakened in some extend. I found this book in iPhone App Store. The book is easy to read. There are some seem-to-be obvious points about how to cure a relationship. They are not only applicable to lovers but also couples. Also, it listed some observations indicating the ex is willing go rebuild the relationship.

You can find the book by searching "making up magic" at iPhone App Store.

I just found that it is available for kindle download. Search "making up magic" at amazon.com.

On a forum trying to boost sales...

[mark_pw]

I am sorry that my post is perceived as a sales boosting ads. I just want to share a book I have read. Anyway, I wish everyone a stronger and better relationship with your better half.