Tough Situation

[Ladies_Man(jks)]

My GF and I have gone on a break. We were both thinking about it, but she was the first to talk about it. We have been together since we were 17 and it has been 4.5 years.

Basically since Christmas, a big thing happened, her parents got divorced. My parents have been fighting on and off as well and divorce has been an issue with my parents as well. Since then, things have been rocky in the sense that we are supporting eachother a lot and other important things in our relationship have been set aside. So we began seeing eachother less and when we did see eachother it was rare that her dad or mom wouldn't call and issues of her parents wouldn't arise, kind of puts a damper on things. I love her a lot and love being there for her and I think it's the same for her, but the last few months has screwed stuff up.

So last Thursday we talked about how something feels like it is missing and we decided to take a break, because both of us were not ready to throw 4.5 years away. We still communicate, but chose no to see eachother for now and when we talk it is to try and solve the problems.

What bothers me is at first she said for me to not set my hopes too high cause she didn't want to disappoint me and that hurt and that she isn't sure if I am the love of her life, that hurt too. So later we talked and I made it clear I had feelings for her and wanted to know whether the break was just to make the breakup easier or that she genuinely is confused and needs time. She told me she is confused and needs the time because she has strong feelings about me still, but she has felt like being alone at points during the last few months and is confused.

I trust her and she trusts me, there have never been issues of trust in our relationship and I believe what she has to say.

There is another problem, has to do with sex. Foreplay is amazing and that is what we usually do all the time, because she has a problem with sex hurting her. We have tried KY, different positions, but it seems that as soon as I thrust to deep, we have to stop cause it hurts her. Now I would never leave her because of this and I have told her that, but I think she felt inadequate for me because of this. We talked about her getting help and it has been shown that therapy is usually 75% succesful in these kinds of cases. That being said, I talked to her about it since being on break and she said she tries to avoid thinking about it cause it reminds her that she has a problem to deal with and with all that is on her plate, she is not sure if she has the energy to get the help she needs. Finally she switched her pill about a year and a half ago because the other one didn't work properly, but the new one makes it so that I can only turn her on at the beginning and end of her cycle (occasonally in between, but it is hard). She said she needs to change her pill, cause sometimes she feels so turned on, but her body isn't showing it.

Anyways, thats what has happened in a nutshell. Basically I still love her, but am prepared for it to end. What do you gys think? Does is sound like it is over? We lacked communication before, but that has improved a lot, we are never critical of eachother, we are very supportive and understanding and even with all that has gone on, we can still discuss and talk about the issues with out blowingup or becoming overwhelmed. I love her alot and I know she did too, she wrote me a card for our 4 year anniversary and gave me a "Special" photo album of herself and the card explained how strong her love is for me and how she didn't know what she would do without me. So I would be surprised if she has completely fallen out of love with me...

edit:

I should also add that we are maintaining our fidelity to eachother for now and that the relationship was/is pretty serious, we talked about where we'd like to live when we were done school, even about kids. We knew nothing was surefire at our age, but our relationship was/is serious nonetheless and a lot has been invested into it by the both of us.

[Ladies_Man(jks)]

I guess I forgot to tell you how I am handling the situation. The morning after (last Friday) I felt like crap woke up and called her before work saying I loved her still and hoped it wasn't over, I sounded bad and regretted the call. On Saturday we talked on MSN, I explained in a mature way what I thought and made it clear that if she is just postponing a breakup that I'd want to know now, she said she isn't ready to breakup and she is too confused. So I didn't talk to her till Sunday night, she called me as planned. So I didn't cry, was very strong and basically said whatever happens will happen and that I want her in my life no matter what, as friends or lovers and she said the same. Obviously nothing has been decided, but I told her I would like to give it another go, because I still love her, but I also made it clear that she could take the time she needs. We decidided to talk again next week, maybe meet I dunno, but I have decided that I will not contact her and I will let her decide when to call me this weekend. I think this is the best way of handling the situation, although it is very difficult.

[Gigabitch]

She sounds like a great best friend.

Are you finding yourself thinking about what it would be like to be with someone else?

[Ladies_Man(jks)]

Yeah, we have both had those feelings on and off, but most couples I know get those feelings of what it would be like to be with someone else. So is that the deal, you think were just best friends and thats it now?

About our love life, it wasn't like we weren't passionate, I mean we would always look for times to "fool around" between the sheets, it's just her problems sometimes made things frustrating for the both of us. I mean I have made her orgasm using my fingers or oral so many times that I could never count them and the same goes for me. We still had a lot of fun sexually, but intercourse is a problem, it worked sometimes and not others and I could never go very deep and the whole turning on part made things hard to. She doesn't attribute it to me and she is fairly certain it is a problem that will be there no matter who she is with and she neeeds help to fix it.

We also talked about the fact that if we have been together for 4.5 years, with the sex problem, there must be something special that kept things going, because a lot of couples wouldhave split pretty quickly.

Thanks for the input. I need people to talk to about this. I hungout with my friends from thursday till sunday, but they work and I am a student who hasn't started his summer job yet so being around the house right now is really hard.

I forgot to mention that she got back from Cuba about 10 days ago, she went with 3 friends from her program. I wonder if that did anythingto her, cause I hear a lot about partners who go on a trip andcomeback with different feelings. I know she didn't cheat, but I'm just wondering if it affected her thinking.

[Gigabitch]

I guess my question is: Do you feel that she's the love of your life? Do you want to stay with her? You communicate well, but what I see are a lot of dispassionate observations.

How do you feel?

[vashti]

You might consider letting her go on top so she can control how deep you are thrusting.

[Ladies_Man(jks)]

We have tried her on top, it works, but she still can't make it go to deep or else it hurts and I am not oversized or anything.

Yes, I have and do see a future with her, I always thought we would buy our home together andhave kids together, we talked about what we would name them, how many we wanted and stuff like that. I love her so much and it pleases me when I can make her happy and the same is/was true for her. I say is/was cause I'm not sure what she feels right now.

Here is the card she wrote me on our 4 Year at the end of last October:

Happy anniversary my love!
Wow! Four years! It has gone by so fast...
That's because it has been 4 great years!!
We have come a longway,eh?
It wasn't so easy at the beginning with the whole situation, (her ex and I were best friends and still are, but things were tough at the beginning but, that fixed in about the first 6 months)
but it has been worth it all the way!!
I am so happy to have spent these years loving you
and I hope it will last a very very long time!

I want you to know how much you mean to me.
I'm not sure what I would do without you... Thank you
for being so understanding I really, really feel loved and
Ihopeyou feel that way too. I care for you deeply and love you
so much!

Je t'aime

(I feel the same way for her)

[Ladies_Man(jks)]

I guess my question is: Do you feel that she's the love of your life? Do you want to stay with her? You communicate well, but what I see are a lot of dispassionate observations.

How do you feel?

I see what your saying and I guess it sounds dispassionate the way I have gone about things. But, to be honest I am dying inside, I love this girl with all my heart, I just find that calling her and whining to her that I need her won't her want the relationship anymore. I figure the best thing to do is go about life and give her, her space. I'll talk to her, but I don't think acting all clingy and stuff will fix things. I told her I still wanna be with her and she means a lot to me,

Yes she is the love of my life. But, I feel kind of dumb for saying that because I'm not even 22 years old yet and she just turned 22 and we are not ready for marriage or children. But I do see myself with her in my future.

[Ladies_Man(jks)]

Good news, my GF is going to see someone for help, to deal with the divorce of her parents, family problems and I guess she'll talk about me to. She said she is not ready to make any big decisions and she is looking forward to talking with me again. I think things might workout, I'm not getting my hopes too high, but I am happy she is seeing someone. She has been telling me that she doesn't feel in her right mind since her parents divorce since January and I think she needs to work that out on her own right now and get some counselling. Her feelings aren't the same for me, but they might change and I am happy she is getting help.

[Zrx]

Be a real good friend to her now, she needs your support. However I think when she wants to talk be there for her, don't bring up the subject until she feels as if shes ready. I agree with you that the last thing you want to do is act clingy. She might be still feeling the effects of her parents divorce as well. Hang in there man, hope it all works out for you.

[Ladies_Man(jks)]

She told me she misses me and misses doing things with me. She just needs a bit more time. I think it's going to work out in the next 2 weeks.