Okay I know, so you probably get tons of these but I had to post how I feel somewhere. I had to tell someone, anybody, the truth. I know the answer to this myself so im not asking what to do, im asking how to move on. It's the hardest part and im really not very good at it, so I need your help with it, your advice and your tips, if you'd be so kind...
Recently me and my best friends boyfriend became really good mates. Now I didn't think it would matter all too much, I mean shes really close with her guys best mate so why can't I be good friends with her boyfriend? I didn't realise I'd end up feeling like this...
I like him and I hate myself for it. I used to read those glossy magazines and rant and rave about stupid girls being in the same situation. The idea of someone betraying there mate just angers me so much. Which is why I really hate myself so much right now, because I honestly can't say that if he tried to kiss me i'd pull away.
I think he likes me too. I shant give my reasons to this as knowing my luck someone that I know will read this and be like "Wait a minute thats what blah-blah did" etc etc But anyway I think he does and im not the only one who thinks it. Ofcourse I haven't told anyone how I feel, I can't risk my best friend finding out. It'd ruin everything. I don't want to feel like this, I wan't to move on. But I find myself thinking about him more and more, this whole situation is driving me crazy. I feel so down. I couldn't go out with him even if he dumped her, atleast I don't think I could. I know how much she'd be hurt and she means too much to me. I just can't help but wish things were different.
Already my mates started commenting on things that hes said and done, implying that he fancys me, in a sort of jokey manner ofcourse. Thats what she always does when she's serious, tries to turn things into a joke. I just have to laugh it off. I don't want her to find out and hate me.
Don't tell me its going to take time to get over him because thats really not what I want to hear. Already ive started distancing myself from them but im worried that they'll notice and start questioning me why. Im just tired of acting and lieing all of the time. Perhaps if anyones been in the same situation they may have some usefull advice for me? It would be much appreciated.
-Yours sincerely-
Cherika