Christmas gift confusion from partner

[Lois2781]

My partner of nearly 3 years and I are spending Christmas on holiday - an expensive 5 day treat and neither of us earn that much. When we booked it months ago, we agreed that the festive break was going to be our Christmas present to each other, which I was totally happy with. As Christmas approaches, though, he starts saying we should get gifts for each other to open on the day as we won't be with family. I agree to giving each other a token gift. A week or so goes by and he says he's not happy with it being just a token gift and sets the budget to 100euro. I'm not that happy with this but he gets annoyed when I say so, so I reluctantly agree. What follows is him telling our friends he wants an iPad, he wants a new bag, he wants an armchair, he wants this, that and the other, pointing to stuff when we're out shopping etc. I check with him about the budget and he flip flops and gets annoyed if I say I'm not spending a fortune on him as we have the holiday as our main gift to each other. He also tells me about all the great gifts he's got me for the two previous Christmases we've spent together, making me feel guilty although I put a lot of thought into his presents and he seemed to like them at the time, though he spent more on mine by going over the budget we'd set. So I'm getting stressed and get him gifts over the 100euro limit, thinking he's got me all sorts. We've set limits before only for him to spend much more on me, which I found awkward, especially our first Christmas together. Anyway, his presents are wrapped and with us now on holiday and he has another one waiting at home when we return on Boxing Day. All good. But he's just told me he's got me a few bits n bobs to open - token gifts - and will get me a "New Years gift". This is fine - not totally happy with it, but I guess he's thought about it a little bit. What gets me more is the pressure he put me under to get him great gifts and he's not done the same. We're pretty straight talking so I know he hasn't planned anything or got something up his sleeve. Neither of us is ready for proposals etc. And I was buying something online last night when he said to put it on his credit card as he hadn't got me anything much. I quietly refused and paid for it myself. He got annoyed with me saying I was being hurtful. He said he'd looked for stuff for me a bit but didn't know what I wanted. I jokingly told him I'm easy to buy for - saying I'd love some lingerie, jewellery, perfume - all the cliches! I'd really just like an egg poacher, to be honest! Anyway, I'm a bit confused by his behaviour, as well as hurt and anxious. I really don't want it to affect our holiday but it kind of is. It's the thought that counts, I believe when it comes to gifts, and it really feels like he's given it a fleeting moment of thought which doesn't feel enough. It's all rather awkward and sapping the Christmas spirit. I'm trying to rise above it but its a bigger thing than just being about Christmas as I'm so confused by his behaviour and I don't understand it. Any thoughts?

[anastasis]

Yeah. He's one of those guys. Overachiever. Always tryin to be the big chief and impress the ladies. Control freak. Promise. Better look into it. Seen it before.

[Cerby]

Christmas should be about being together and the feeling. This is a red flag to me, "guilt gifting" is bad... Be more aggressive in limit setting. Tell him all you can afford is 40Euro and you aren't going over it, so he shouldn't either.

This year by gf and I planned not to get anything because we have each other and don't need "material gifts". That said, I still spent some money and so did she, because that is how it always works out. No guilt on price, and noone upset over the gifts.

[DalM0m]

In a deep way he may be showing you that he can "take care of you" & has the financial resources to do so. Money makes people crazy & he pressure of the holidays just adds to it. Get him a gift that you feel comfortable & confident giving. I tend to go overboard at Christmas but don't expect others to follow suit. be super sweet to him on your holiday . . . back rubs, bubble baths, etc.